he sips hourglass sands,
embedding himself within walls
of counterfeit cancers---
white sheets glow crimson
from impaled limbs entwined
with drunken recognition
[he drowns in refurbished tears,
and prays for a better future].
Author notes
I don't like the second verse, but I do like this poem. If any reader has suggestions of making the second stanza better, I'd be grateful!
Name, Favourite Colour, Favourite Number and a Random Word.
not sure if you meant AP name or real name so: Anneliese/Woven Lullaby
Favourite Colour: Black
Favourite Number: 13/7
Randomword: illicit
A contest entry
- take your pick by katie-jo.
400 points, ended April 4, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds Contest Prelims - Prewrites/Freshwrites by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended April 16, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Lovely write.
I meant either, whichever you felt comfortable telling me.
Illicit
always the best.
-
-
illicit is such a fun word; it rolls off the tongue so well [unless you have a lisp] But other than that it's an amazing word
-
-
inpaled = impaled
Aside from that, I like it. -
-
Thanks T
-
-
No prob, this may actually be my fave from you.
-
-
Oh wow.. Thanks
-
-
-
-
I can't think of any suggestions for you really, but I especially like the end of it. It wraps everything up, even though it doesn't feel over, it's a good stopping place.
Thanks for the entry and all the best in the contest!
Blessings,
Katie
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
