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light blue

Missing image





i

this is my sketch in light blue

if I speak clearly,
you may see streaks of sky






ii

sailing in the distance
there’s a weeping song

but that was yesterday’s emotion







iii

wake me up when
loneliness reaches Paris,
        sips a raspberry cocktail
        and blows milky smoke

over an unpacked suitcase


 

 

 




iv

if an ocean
could waltz inside of me
it would have
       sherbet storms
that hurl lines of thought
onto your living room wall

 

 

 

Author notes

image credit

contest requirement: 17 lines (of text excluding i,ii,iii,iv)

In a list

A contest entry

.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Mantha
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    what suberb imagery yet the emotion here is tangible.

  • Sometimes I want to jump into your poems and eat them I bet a sherbet storm would be tasty. I imagined the Paris fog as edible too... maybe I'm just hungry... but I liked this.

  • Could you please replace the "smoking" part of iii stanza with something else. I noticed that in your poem today while I was commenting on the entries.
    If that is not possible, you can add a new poem or an edited version of this poem in this contest. Just don't write anything about smoking.

    Please don't mind.

    Peace.


  • trekkergirl
    April 5
    Edit | Reply
    nice. I like the picture. Good luck in the contest. Flowed well. Print a little small and as such difficult to read for people with sight problems. Not that it takes anything from your words. They are wonderful. Just might want to make it a little bigger next time. Give some tired old eyes a break when we want to read your wonderful work. Good luck in the April contest too.


  • darell
    April 1

    Edit | Reply

    Intriguing

    very interesting accents of color
    in a slightly dramatic expression
    of life and romance. nicely done

1 - 6 of 6