Suppose you were my lost love,
Like the broken frames and memories,
Suppose you were my dream my souls screams for,
Like the sirocco dry winds whispering your name,
Only the shape ever so thinner,
Like an hourglass sand ticking...
Only now fluttering the red abyss of lost courage,
As shifting lands I cross for what love takes.
Suppose you were the defied law that crosses water,
like a Lions' kiss between the paws of the majesty,
Suppose I've wished to be strong,
Only to remain to humbly obey,
Dare I say, does beauty be born!
Blah, nah, beauty is earned!!
Like the life of caterpillar,
So short lived only to linger it's beauty in the end,
Now what takes this remains of love's beauty
in this shatter upside down world?
Now I know!
Now I know!
Now i Know!
It is You!!!
Author notes
Note: I wrote this poem in 5 minutes, after hurt, and aurora feel of being underaprreciated,
Thanks Brittany for supporting me and inspiring me!
How can I Improve it?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This is written with the depth of soulful hurt. I could feel the pain yet in the end there is hope.
Your writings have something special, I can't put my finger on it yet but you have a beautiful gift arising. I can see you up there with several of my favorite poets on this site.
I love the way you use images and make me ponder ..trust me if i ponder your poem roll it around then it's great!
Amazing,
~Lisa~
-
oh..my...this poem relishes in textures and depths...
and we journey with you upon each line..
little touch-ups here and there would help it flow flawlessly...
speak it outloud in front of your mirror to see where you pause...
the pause's let you know "where to smooth" it out ..just a touch....
a butterfly "emerges" that would be a good word or image for you.
Smooth out this verse:
Suppose I've wished to be strong,
Only to remain to humbly obey,
Dare I say, does beauty be born!
Blah, nah, beauty is earned!!
it changes the tone of your poem
and ...we...wonder what you
are truly saying ...in-between the lines-
there's a feeling that you are asking us
rather than conveying what you feeling or painting...
I adored your poem!
ears/Seattle
you have a natural writing talent!
keep up the great writing!
-
Very good
I thought that this poem was very deep and that it was very beautifully written. Good job and keep writing -
I'm in Awe
That was amazing.
This is one of the best pieces I've read in a very long time..
Amazing..
Amazing.
-Krista
[Bleeding Ink] -
You did well...a very original write, on the lost love hurt,,,and the anguish you have felt over the loss...Powerful imagery...Keep penning, Grandson...Grandma
-
Very good write, definantly can feel the emotion that is displayed and the feeling it brings. Can surely feel the sruggle of your soul.
-
Metaphor on beauty well written...and to you beauty as you say is earned...I do believe you are right......keep penning...G
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
