The sun whose rays are all ablaze with ever-living glory
still stains the many figures with its sight
counting days like clockwork from one to twelve and then
when midnight strikes the sun recites its duty once again.
When the moon has met the noon of morning it is said
That a ball of blazing fire will burn the air instead
raidiating every surface with a gentle stroke of heat
and every dozing flower opens from its crumpled sleep.
From the passion and compassion that is clearly being paid
a glorious invention from Father to Sun was laid
by coaxing alluminium shadows to creep across its light
can register the day until the looming of the night.
But now the shadows live in fear as they try to flee the glare
once free to lurk, now running, from His unrelenting stare
of piecing eyes that mark the place they hide forever more
by needle point they quiver as heatwaves grope the floor.
as metal shards of light perverts the gentle course of life
a ladie's shade is stretched and strained into the model wife
and under every shifting hour, they also have to sway
to what is known as patriach, and the law's enlightened way.
What did you think
Comments
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Tell me dear poet:
Whither could we be steering without "the shadows" that live in fear! Cuz your poem is teaching a lot of brilliant concepts I congratulate you and ask something of shadows paradoxically!
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Extremely beautiful and brilliant write. Such beauty and delightful insight you portray within your words. Greatly penned.
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I have been walking around for days pondering this picture... interesting rich write you created here... I like it, quite some imagery here, and the overall impression is "breathless"
Well done,
Lilian
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Excellent. You string together words that, in any normal circumstance, would make no sense, and you give the reader a clear view into what you're trying to communicate. For example, my favorite, 'Aluminum Shadows' was well placed, and together, they sound beautiful. Bravo!
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I ditto magneticstorm, it is a illustrative piece, an enjoyable read...love the descriptive imagery, most especially S1, not to mention the rhyming...stunning
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Well woven tale . The imagery and metaphor of the sundial is well placed and the final verse is a nice twice from nature to mans ways.
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This is a very illustrative piece. I like it a lot. It has a rhyming it it that is unusual for me to read. If those are sentences, they're the longest I've seen. For consistency, I would capitalize 'As' on the last stanza.
Thumbs Up.
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superb! hehe. this has a perfect flow, an it is very deep, in the many examples you give, and descriptions.lol. of course you know what struck me was the ending verse, as shards is so you..lol. and then the 2nd line was like, omg, i feel like that. lol. but i also liked the 4th line in the 4th stanza, haha, thats a funny location, 4,4...okay, i'm good...but yes! i like that line, the idea of groping a floor, and i have such fun with needles (not really, i dont have any needles to play with..but if i did
) haha...but...well pretty much everyone else is praising you, so there is reall no point in me saying much of anything...maybe i should say ewwwww it smells of decaying goodness 
toodles!
Stephanie ♥
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Your imagery is first class.
I also settled for the long line. which usually spells boredom for me, but certainly not on this occasion
enjoyed your work, the imagery here is inspiring.
counting days like clockwork from one to twelve and then
when midnight strikes the sun recites its duty once again.
I chose to see this as the arduous struggle of everyday life. but of course it can be read far deeper.
But now the shadows live in fear as they try to flee the glare
once free to lurk, now running, from His unrelenting stare
of piecing eyes that mark the place they hide forever more
by needle point they quiver as heatwaves grope the floor.
The fear agenda in this Stanza, is very apparent, the master has become his true self, and has been recognised for what he is. I think this is very talented writing.
The last stanza surely can be recognised by many ladies who have had to tollerate such chameleon change in there chosen partners.
Thank you for your artistry, A good poem.
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okay I love the imagery here that you use... a few parts here and there I would change but that's just my style yours is your own. I do like the last stanza the best I think. And you chose a wonderful picture to really bring your work to life. Great write here.
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Last stanza is the best, and it should be seeing as its the last impression, its cool how you based your poem around a sun and a sundial but didnt use it strictly in every stanza - kudos
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very descriptive, creative, imagery at its best. every line is a portrait landscape engraved into the complex mind. relieving every moment as when creation itself is born. this is very astonishing and breathtaking. very well written and great excellent write. this is hot. real talk. this is the type of poem you hang on the wall with a picturesque scenery.
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wow cheers! that was a lovely comment
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a good dark twsiting piece that roams the shadows of night and day - there is an old sundial at the bottom of the flats where i live! i am going to steal it later lol
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This spectacular breathtaking journey, I shall call, is a creation in its self!
You have painted color in a black and white photograph…
Gave life to a sketched figure…
And for a few moments I’ve lived an immortal experience touched by heavenly words.
Heartfelt, original piece.
LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wow, this was really cool. It's wonderful to read aloud, as it has beautiful rhythm. I really like the description of the sundial's invention in the third stanza, as well as "but now shadows live in fear as they try to flee the glare / once free to lurk, now running, from his unrelenting stare" in the fourth. And I like how you've highlighted the way in which dividing time affects humans in the final stanza.
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Your skill with metaphoe made this on great write. This flwed well a testiment to your skill as a poet. Thasnk you for sharing.
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Yo this is really good. The imagery and wordplay is amazing. and a very interesting topic if I say so myself. =3 Keep up the good writing. =3
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Holy Wow that's all I can manage to say this is an amazing write I really love it
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