This brumous dawn awaits the saffron sun
to rise in splendor from horizon's bed,
and on the gossamer that spider spun
The trembling dewdrops cling to every thread.
Whispering reeds pay homage to the breeze,
They sway and bow, as if in mystic trance,
And on the air a symphony of bees,
Now join marsh marigolds in jocund dance.
Capricious spring will wave her last adieu,
When summer claims her right to take her throne;
But for a while they'll dance a pas-de-deux,
Till summer sighs that she must dance alone.
Sweet summer take me in your arms again
To perfumed clover down in yonder glen.
A contest entry
- Soft Light by fjola.
580 points, ended April 5, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver To Gold- For Silver Trophy Winning Prewrites Only by Mercury Rising.
490 points, ended May 15, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakespearean Sonnet Competition: "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY. by Vera Rich.
490 points, ended June 15, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very nice, as usual.
I would change that first "In" in the last line to "To", so you don't have the two "in's" so close together. Otherwise, good job all the way through and contrats on the Gold trophy.
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This is a very competently written sonnet, and although some tastes might find it a little "rich" for their tastes, in the Elizabethan context such richness is well in character.
Just one thing to watch for the future. In writing iambic verse, one can all too easily develop a tendency to end a line with a disyllabic adjective followed by a noun. You have five examples of this here (if one takes "every" as a disyllable, as the rhythm requires) - and five out of fourteen lines is quite a large proportion. I am not criticizing THIS poem - these "adjective+noun" combinations work well here... BUT in a longer piece in iambic pentameters, too many line-endings of this kind could make for a certain monotony. (This is something I myself was warned about many years ago, and I still have to keep watch that I do not fall into this trap). Again, I repeat... these line-endings work well here... and I am NOT criticising their use in this poem... simpply saying that it is well to be alert to the danger! -
Really a flawless piece of poetry, with impeccable rhyme and meter, and very lovely imagery. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this marvelous sonnet.
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You have such a way with words, it leaves me speechless, and yes, envious. Beautiful.
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This piece is truely lovely. Thanks,I needed this to shake off the lingering winters grip we have hanging around still.
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So Stunningly beautiful.. written with such flow like a soft whispering breeze. I love this poem Hugs Angel
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"Whispering reeds pay homage to the breeze,/
They sway and bow, as if in mystic trance, And on the air a symphony of bees,
Now join marsh marigolds in jocund dance"." How astonishingly beautiful. The way the reeds move, the use of the word symphony in the description of the bees even to me evokes the bee's magnificent complexity as creatures. I love seeing the word jocund. I loved it when I first was introduced to it by the bard himself. Join, jocund. Have you ever walked in a marsh? The j's remind me of how it feels stepping and pulling out your feet. BRAVO! Best wishes in the contest!
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