This vase does not shine
where the lacquer has faded—
patina of pine needles.
The tree at my back
will remain limber and green
after we’ve gone, you and I.
The rustling sounds
of the swaying pine tree
muffles the crash from inside.
A captured March wind
has brought low your gold
and unyielding branches.
________
In a list
A contest entry
- Shards of a Vase by ea.
700 points, ended April 5, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Theme: Grief by Kevin.
800 points, ended May 15, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts?
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I would encourage you to enter this in the AP book contest which is running with the theme of "Grief": http://allpoetry.com/contest/2444385
I love its affecting stoic tone and sad lament - the crash of the vase falling to the floor or a pine falling in the forest I perceive as being a metaphor for the lost spouse or the widow's grief.
Good luck
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Great work on the contest! An enjoyable read by far.
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Congratulations on your gold. An excellent poem. ~Pamela
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What a beautiful form, very peaceful and observant to the great elements of the vase you chose.
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Ah, I like the second one so much:
The tree at my back
will remain limber and green
after we’ve gone, you and I.
Very beautiful and full of deep memaning.
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stunning
restlessly
the wind sculpted every branch
marked by timenow you bend your gnarled fingers
gentled by love you kiss the ground
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This is quite beautiful. I love this vase to match your verse. Well done. ~Pamela
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I was getting into the mood of this poem until the graphics intruded and spoiled the spell. Consider revising.
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Yeah... I see what you mean. I had it set up so it wouldn't interfere, but if you have any dialogue boxes it blocks it. Thank you!
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you know, your choice of a background reminds me exactly of the wallpaper in my parents' bedroom all my young growing up years. I absolutely loved it and I think it is still there on the walls, though it is in the house my sister now lives in and is rented out. This in combination with your poem so moved me because I could totally envision my mother reciting this sad, sad piece in memory of my father who just died two months ago... I just love this; really, I have goosebumps. It is so tender, the crash of realization that *he* is gone yet observing how the other pines all around remain strong and green.
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Thank you so much. Your comment means a lot to me.
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This does not have a sense of anticipation: like late winter it has the need of it. your words seem to be waiting for change.
I see you have gone with your own suggestion of juxtaposition between art and nature.
great work
ken
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A sense of anticipation? How do you mean?
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Beautiful poem "The tree at my back
will remain limber and green
after we’ve gone, you and I. " I especially loved this stanza. It seems a comparison, the eternalness of the pine tree to the vase, and then the end ties it up perfectly. I think this is really well done, with good use of metaphors. It flows.
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thank you!
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To Flowers from Italy in Winter by Thomas Hardy
There is nothing more delicate than the petals of winter flowers; essence of pine. -
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Thank you for showing me that piece! It was also very inspiring. Unfortunately now I find myself a little disenchanted because I know I will not be able to write something so beautiful.
Thanks again!
Y + S
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How delicate and filled with winter wish
I will check back to see this....
Lynda
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wow, this is gorgeous up close. I just love the white pine with its fascicles of five (sometimes fewer) needles. Did you know that Emily Dickinson called her little bundles of poems "fascicles"? This even shows the immature pine cones - lovely. Have fun with your vase and sharing stories with the other guests. Welcome to my parlor.
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I did not know that! Maybe something Dickinson inspired would be appropriate--then i can sing the poem to the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas"
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haha ... I was just wondering where your funny cowgirl song motto comes from.
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All of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to Yellow Rose of Texas! My life closed twice before its close it yet remains to see... if immortality unveil a third event to me! So huge so hopeless to conceive as these that twice befell! Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of Hell! At least i think that's how it goes lol
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well, that is certainly a revelation!
lmao
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