Skirt the people - divided boulevard,
search the boardwalk – above
below
safe
in the eyeless alleyways,
he bides his time.
Waiting
to taste
weightless promises:
tiny, tiny hit of acid
melts the world into voices.
Many, many, many
voices
present
long before
the procession of drugs
(they always want
to give him drugs) ;
when recess bells
whispered "Welcome" words
to a lonely boy - "come play":
companions,
confidants,
friends;
when no one else
could listen.
Before white coats made it clear
they were something to fear.
Buildings with their eyes watching,
people listening;
the voices, in their anger,
have forgotten how to whisper.
Author notes
poetic challenge round 1
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5193783
I prefer Freeverse but form is good too
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i like this piece it makes you feel like you can easily understand the person's anguish
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Very Good
Words of a person no longer in posesson of his mind or his life, the voices no longer whisper is a very good line.
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WOW! What a way to start off. You have stolen my heart with this write! It is nothing short of brillant.
I must disagree with my sweet immortal... I like that part, it helps to build the mystery. I don't think all things are to be understood in poetry.
GREAT job!
Good luck
Mel
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Hi there, and welcome to the Challenge
This is great... I love the way you've given such life to the scene; your imagery is brilliant, and the haunting, ethereal quality hear left me wanting more. Like drugs, your words here are quite potent and addictive
My only qualm was this:
"Before white coats made it clear
there was something to fear."
Something about that bit just didn't sit right, I don't know if it was the mix of rhyme and free-verse, or the fact that I found it too harsh for the rest of the poem. It just lacked that magic that the poem, on a whole, contained.
Well done, and thank you for your entry My scores shall be sent to your host. Best of luck!
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This is really brilliant.
Your word choice is superb, layout excellent and the story drew me in and made me almost as crazy as the character here!
Well done
Shari
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this had a touch of paranoia with the pain of fearing the yelling would get too loud, almost making me want to hold my ears at the end, but then again... that wont stop the voices, will it?
can't believe the timing on this one... maybe you didn't check the alleyway good enough, i may have been lurking. wonderful job on this. thanks for the link.
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hiding behind dumpsters again, I see.
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*shifts eyes* you saw me?
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... and here there are no whispers, only inner shouts.
Excellent depth in this. A gripping verse depicting those inner demons that can affect so many. So well done. ~Pamela
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thanks you
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