I hope for better times as I await the midnight train
Rumbling tracks below my feet leaving my ears stained
Seats hard as wood and no comfort could be found on this ride
As my mind drifts into a vortex of thoughts deep inside
Eyes closing and opening at random will or forced if you say
Losing myself in the steady rhythm of the boxcar as it sways
Glancing over in that brief second before my eyes close again
Seeking something outside in the darkness my murderous friend
Now in a solid trance that holds me a sleep to convey my will
The last thoughts of a train ride my soul swoops in and did steal
What lay there in front of me now is a mere form of what was once me
A blob of nothingness and yet a form that I remember I do see
I hear a bell or a whistle way in the distance but what for I ask
For now my mind was working vigorously it was set afire to this task
Where was I and what reason was I here the many questions that came
But the answer was never what I was looking for it was always the same
And as the ringing drew nearer I was still in a state of disrepair
The conductor says here we are and the mic clicks off without a care
And I stand up and depart from the midnight train as another day ends
As my head lays softly down to rest and my soul slowly descends
A contest entry
- Round 1 Are you good enough? by DarkShard.
900 points, ended March 31, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold, Sweet Gold!!! by white stone.
500 points, ended April 12, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great write
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good write, but why did you enter it in a contest for humor?
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I liked it, just not a winner. Thanks for entering!
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this was really great! nice job! The best imagery I've read in awhile..thank you.
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loved it but we have a lot to go through here to make this flawless. I loved your imagery and the way you conducted the words like a ensemble and gave me a movement from beginning, middle and end, your rhyme is out in places we will sort that out, metter bould be better but dont worry that will be fixed
and your tenses need an update i noticed you said steal to make it rhyme but the tense of the word should have been stolen. so we will work on that too ad by the next poem you will be in a position where you could steal the trophie from under a poets nose.
high hopes from you.
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