Cocaine stained and worn
the walls of tomorrows past
the throne of a poor man
the one he found at last
crippled our youth,
discovered their truth
forever in this
the alley
of
our innocence
broken crayons lie
our toys a mess
patchwork button-eyed
bears, torn, regress.
for us there was
never an answer
there was only an escape
for us there was
never an illusion
there was only our lives.
Author notes
Written March 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Festering Eye Sore.
300 points, ended April 21, 2006, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best- PW Allowed by InMyFlames.
375 points, ended December 27, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem You Have Ever Written by Cherokee.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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Patchwork, is a very good summary to sum up life, Not bad,
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its beautiful and very imaginitive thanks for entering
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This is lovely, but I really do not see the correlation to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Perhaps if you could point them out to me I may consider this for judging, but as of now, this is no good and irrevelent to my contest.
Thanks for entering anyway.
-Norah- -
You capture the loss of innocence beautifully in this poem. I see in my mind's eye this fornlorn teddy bear lying on the floor, at once both the sign of this loss and the only thing that might offer an escape from it. I can't quite articulate what I enjoy about the poem itself, but I feel that there's a lot of real thought and power behind the words, which is something so rare on AllPoetry these days. You use brief but lingering images, without a need for complicated and large words, which is also overdone here. There's a kind of gentle harshness present throughout the poem, staring us in the face with a cataracted eye. A very nice write, and one of the better ones in the contest. Thank you.
Arien Silverleaf -
I found this to be a convincing expression of the depressed state that too many endure. Having escaped it myself does not remove memories. Thank you. Good luck with this.
T -
Wow very good job. I like it. It was well written. Good luck in the contest!!!
Forever
Tempest
Elmo -
I very much enjoyed this. Nice job on the imagery and word choice especially.
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Thanks for entering your poem into my contest. Please don't forget to obey ALL the rules required if you want to qualify.-Curtis Meyer
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- this was an awesome poem. a glad respite from the kind of entries and tight-asses I've been having enter.
- Adam -
Intersting and deep. I liked the whole idea behind this poem. It was very very emotional and well written. My favorite part was the end. "For us there was never an illusion there was only our lives". Very good, nice job!
-Samantha
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also id like to say that i leave my poetry open ended, so how you interpret it, is how you interpret it, how i interpret it may be different, and thats ok, you get what get out of it
fj - -
extremely close, basically its about children losing their innocence from abusive parents, the dugs reference is just metaphor i use to show loss of innocence usually, but losss of innocence could be anything the child is exposed to or does, drugs, gangs, sex, whatever, but very close, thank you for the read and the compliment.
fj - -
As I interpreted it, this was about children with drug-addicted parents and the darkness that is their reality. No picket fence illusions...just the raggedy old teddybear...which I'm assuming was a metaphor for the "ragged old" truth. Am I correct? I always wonder. Anyway, I enjoyed the read. Thanks for auditioning! Elaina
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Hmmm, very interesting. At first is seemed to end abruptly, but on second read it was just fine.
This has a darker layer to it, for me. I saw broken homes, abused children, crying mothers, daddies running away...or vice versa.
Thanks for entering
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Very impressive poem. I especially like your word choice, as it's very vivid. And, on a bit of a side note, I love your user name.
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good
hey pretty good job on the poem i really enjoyed the flow to it, it was well written and very entertaining good luck in the contest -
Yup, you were right. This was a real marvel. Very rounded out and hard hitting. Kinda had that sighing element of lost youth mixed with harsh reality but expressed in a flowing and beautifully worded style. I hope you did/do have/ had luck with the contest because this is really very good.
Nate -
Didn't make me cry, but held lots of meaning in it's words. I liked the rhyme here and there. Good. Profound. Thank you for entering my contest.
Lynna xXx
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This is just fantastic, so deep, and thought provoking. I love the way you have made it short and sweet, but your few words make such a huge impact, which is a great talent in its self. The incorperated rhyme wasnt at all forced, and just made your profound though that much easier to read, so well done in that account. This is just fantastic, and good job on the appropriate and imaginative title, rather then using the obvious. Fantaastic write, all my congratulations.
xxxx Delta -
wow.... this is awsome! I wrote a poem not too long ago very similar to it actually... anywayz, great write.. I really like it!
Cocaine stained and worn
the walls of tomorrows past
I love those lines...
well again.. great write... keep it up. and take care!!!!
- - - - XrAzOrXdOllX - - - - -
this is a great poem!! very emotional and full of meaning.. it makes people stop and think.. I wish you great luck in this poem..
Excellent job!
Keep it up!
~Dea~ -
That is an excellent opening line.. this is such an emotional writing and you did a great job. Thank you so much for sharing it.
take care -
Astounding write. The last two stanzas caught me entirely off-guard...the rest of the poem seemed to examine the deterioration of innocence, but in the last two stanzas it became very personalized; hard hitting and heartbreaking. The childhood examples clashing with hard truths combined into an amazing collaboration of words. Beautiful write, gave me the shivers!
Edited on Mar 04, 9:11 p.m. because 'my incomprehensibility'. -
Wonderfully worded and very creative. A powerful message. There is such consistency in this write. Thanks for sharing this and entering.
Edited on Mar 06, 2:02 p.m. because ''. -
Feels like radiohead lyrics. (that's a compliment) deeply meaningful, and slightly crptic. Enjoyable and vivid. It's hard to determine when the "events" of this piece take place, is the poor man the dealer? This does give me ideas... thanks for the inspiration.
-Mooseman -
wow... this almost makes me want to cry! this is an excellent poem...speechless... so much passion and truth. very beautiful. i completely agree with breathofilies... the innocense in this COMPLETELY stood out.
this poem SCREAMS talent.. amazing poem -
Ohhh the innocence lost screams in this.
broken crayons lie
our toys a mess
patchwork button-eyed
bears, torn, regress.
The imagery in those lines are so very haunting. The broken crayon, broken lives, broken hearts..broken faith and broken innocence. Kinda fun how one line like that can really bring forth such sporatic thoughts.
The patchwork button eyed bears is also pretty haunting. Kinda seeps into your soul. Innocence patched and fixed,b ut it'll never look the same.
Love and Sparkles
-Breathoflilies
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i dont think anything more can be said about this poem, nothing i could say would explain how much i love it, i thinki too am speechless like so many others. i want to keep it. its going on my wall and will stay there forever. aww i feel like i need a hug, this poem in fan-fecking-tabulous, you should get this published, if this is what your writing is like, then you will have BESTSELLERS i tell you! BESTSELLERS, and if you dont, i wil buy all of them and keep them in a cupboard and hand them out to random people, who really should be blessed to read something as beautiful as your poetry.
lol, im such a suck up! BUT IM NOT SUCKING UP!! it's GENUINE I TELLS YOU!!!!!! scouts honour, it is the truth.
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this is an excellent poem...
nice nice ending. -
wow im totally speechless... i think that this is better that any thing i have ever written!!!
-Pyro -
Wow, this one makes you stop and think for a minute! Some amazing imagery is created, very cleverly done. And the reader is left with a residue of sadness. To be disillusioned is awful, but maybe that then to have never lived with the happiness and hope of the illusion. Keep writing, you obviously have a talent for it.
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Emotional! Very powerfully written! I am just sorry that you had such a life. You have done a very good job of sharing it in poem though. It is just so sad that so many people do not see, understand or maybe even care in some cases just what they are doing to their children. I think you did a most wonderful job here. Keep writing and God Bless! Hugs,Penny
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wow...this says alot to me...i think it is about the loss of innocence and just humanity in general. i can't put it all into words, but this write is excellent. and yes, tori is a great artist!
Lea -
oh my gosh... you write with such PERFECT FLOW... I'm trying really hard to see if I see what you're saying... maybe you're saying that we don't kid ourselves... we aren't disallusioned about the state of our lives, but that the poor do... oh damn, I'm just gonna tell you good job from now on and not even tell you what I think about the meaning so you all don't think I'm stupid, which I'm NOT, I just seem it sometimes... like now.
Trin -
ps i had a teddy bear like this and also i loved the ending it just hangs on the air at the end so well...
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it made me want to cry its very lonely and sad i always feel like that about the past...the way you phrase things is magnificent in this one its got to be one of my favourites of yours. loved it.
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good-but sad!
This is good.It makes a statement that's so true-so sad!It's not what I expected from it's title,though! -
WOAH! I understood a poem *looks around to see if the skys falling* I think you just wrote it too blatently out there, lol
I still loved it though, and I loved the rhyming I found throughout. mm..I liked the broken crayon part...such a vivid picture of innocence *sighs* great job fj
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this was REALLY GOOD! I loved it. Amazing read. I loved how you are saying that drugs ruined the past of certain youth and children. The third stanza was the best, SO descriptive. Very good job!
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