The god of my mother
reduced me to begging
give me a sign
make something better
anything
The god of my father
said you will be fine
everything will be ok
then killed him with cancer
Between silence and platitudes
I stumbled along
Electrons held the answer
until I discovered I couldn't
get my teeth into charm and flavor.
Now those deities lead each other
on a merry chase through
black holes
My latest god sounds
like Alvin the Chipmunk
and tells dirty jokes while leaning on the bar.
Author notes
Revised. Charm and flavor are terms used in quantum mechanics.
A contest entry
- Losing my Religion by aboomer.
700 points, ended April 4, 2009, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Crtique - I intend to revise this.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
LOVE the cynical wit of that closing. Alvin... hehehehehhe your a trip.
and big thanks for the new info, interesting. been needing to take a belly flop into that pond for a while now, this was the urging i need.
Grams, you kick ass.
-
i learned something new - charm and flavor! - perfect. I strongly feel the need to steal these words and use them in a poem too - that is the highest compliment isn't it?
neat poem - the idea of the deities chasing each other through black holes was a nice touch.
-
-
Quantum theory has all kinds of fun words - strangeness, color, quarks. Take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quark for more terms.
-
-
I really like the quirkiness of this - has great depth! I really wouldn't know what to critique on this - I liked it the way you've done it.....about the only thing I would personally change would be the last line......
'my latest god sounds
like Alvin the Chipmonk,
telling dirty jokes
while leaning on the bar'
but that's just my thoughts.....
nicely done! I enjoyed this.
thank you for your entry
best wishes
-
You never know; anything's possible.
Enjoyed your write.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
