Across the blackness of a smokeless room
his powerful vocal renditions penetrate
electric shockwaves vibrating the core of
my being.
Over six feet of electric power chords
dresses in silky black shirt unbuttoned
to the breastbone, black pleated pants
exposing the brilliant form of his hips
and buttocks asking to be harnessed
like a thunderbolt of tempestuous, stealing
emotion. His eyes find the blue ocean
of my soul holding me entranced,
captured.
Like a pinned butterfly
wings matted and framed, I feel inflamed
bound for all eternity.
Did I see the plain-Jane selecting
his music in the shadows of his
gigantic personna? Did I care?
Did I want to see, to know
to shut down the roaring
tidal surge searing shivers
quivering throughout my essence,
did I...
Never before... that moment, ever...
... then and there in the heartthrob
of passion's transit I conduct life's
timeless, eternal symphony
across the blackness of Unchained Melody
into the heartache of forever and always.
Author notes
liquidmindforever
A contest entry
- 75 Titles To Choose From[Prewrites Allowed Now] by stargazer..
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Comments
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Wow, this was brilliant. There are only two things I didn't like about it. Your line breaks seem very weird and throw off the flow, and the background. The background is hard on the eyes, and although it's readable, it takes away from the effect. I did really enjoy this read, your emotions in this and the imagery were superb. I really enjoyed the imagery alot, becuase it painted a visible and very strong picture in my mind. Your word choic was brilliant and only added effect to the imagery and the emotion. Great job on this and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Until we get caught
Hey Josh,
A note to let you know I edited the background and line breaks upon which you commented.
Best wishes,
Liquid
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You have spaces between words, which is fine but it doesn't seem to coincide with your form. If this is a mistake, I think you should correct them and if on purpose, it reads off. Other than that, a nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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UNTIL WE GET CAUGHT has been edited with the corrections you offered.
Best regards,
Liquid
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