"Oh! Black molasses night!
Fiend of all but light!
The Reaper's Noose has tied my fate,
And now, I fear, I must be late!
"
I exclaimed unto the sky.
Before me, so temptingly, sits
A hemlock end in frankincense.
Behind me, oh! The silent lie
Of love so fresh in pallor's eye.
Sometimes angels, too, can die!
The clock screams out in iron tongue--
Twelve signs of all that is to come.
Alas, dear world, I must depart
And still the throbbing of my heart!
I drink the juice, no time to cry.
A brief sound sounds beyond my door.
"What faeries or daemons or monsters of lore
Have come, from night, before my door?"
Darkness, from window, I see nothing more.
I open the door, then I sigh.
What lurks there, beyond my door,
Is no monster or daemon or something more,
But a lone dark raven has chosen, from flight,
To make my tree his home this night!
I never stopped to wonder why...
With lamp in hand, I visit the oak:
"What cliché is this; what cosmic joke!
My soul to be taken, and, raven-borne,
Be flashed the secrets of life, forlorn!
Take me, bird, let us fly!"
In my oak, the bird then laughed
And huckled and chuckled and kuckled its craft.
He stared me on, and off he flew
To lowest bough, and then I knew:
This raven, too, is soon to die!
This stunned me so, I know not why.
How could this raven know that I,
Too, on this day, my end will see,
And on the morrow with my love to be
And together we'll reach the sky!
In raven eyes I saw the fear:
The solemn shedding of a tear!
"Hark now bird, oh! Winged beast:
You aren’t alone, to night at least!"
Why must ravens cry?
"Dear sir," the raven quoth--
A voice that did astound us both--
"What makes you say that, on this night,
I'll not stray alone into the light?
Are you, too, about to fly?"
"Yes, strange bird, I've ended my pains!
Now hemlock gallops within my veins!
I've cured myself of life's dis-ease!
I'm done with praying, and begging please
To see life in my lover's eye!"
"Sad sir," the raven, "I cannot hide
My puzzlement at your suicide!
If love, so great, were truly true,
Then how could she her life conspue
And solemnly elect to die?"
"Blame me not my life this day:
That life is soon to go away!
I feared the coming of a flood:
The tempest to crawl out from her blood!"
I weep, I weep and cry:
"Fell beast I do abhor!
You know naught, and nothing more!
How could you my life condemn,
When thy life, too, has lost its stem?
What foul trick art thou to try?"
"What beast am I that you abhor?
I know of all! I start to bore.
'Tis habit which maketh a man:
You have fled your past; you ran!
What life could you try?"
"Art thou an angel high?
Or hast thou been watching from the sky?
What art thou, who knows me so?
Answer, bird! I need to know!
I need to know why..."
"I am he that knows you best;
I know what you hide from the rest!
I am the voice inside your head!
Now know, dear sir, that you are dead!
I am you, and you are I."
I see the world through raven eyes,
To go the path of all that dies.
In my life, I knew no rest;
Maybe death was for the best.
Why must ravens cry?
Author notes
This is my first attempt at narrative poetry, so plz excuse the flaws and inequities. It is inspired by The Raven by Poe
- the power of darkness group list • next in list
A contest entry
- For The Evil Hearted! by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended April 1, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Semi Quickie by Reptile Lady by Reptile Lady.
1000 points, ended April 3, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Prewrites on Ap by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 25, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Contest by Aurielle.
400 points, ended July 23, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspired by Poe or Byron? Write about it! by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended July 18, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Gold? Now Is Your Chance by JToddUnderhill.
700 points, ends December 14, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think? Any advice?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Amazing
moveing piece i thought that this was the best that i saw on this site moveing peace totally well done should be proud of yourself bless it be xx
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Help a brother out...
....You need to put you name in the AN like this J T O D D U N D E R H I L L so I can prove you qualify for this contest. I am not even reading the ones that do not have this done until they are fixed. -
It is very hard to read the text on this with the background which greatly takens away from the poem. Other than this it is a good piece of poetry and I like the overall tone of it, it intrigues.
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I enjoyed reading this, tho the colour was hard on the eyes. I loved the rhyme, the rythmn of the poem. One of the best I have read on here in some time.
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I wouldn't change it :)
I have to say that I have not read anything quite as good as this on AP in quite awhile. It's really an incredible poem. Your word choice and rhyming in this poem is fantastic and much better than the former poem I reviewed. It also mesmerized me, seemed so passionately written. This stanza stood out:
"Yes, strange bird, I've ended my pains!
Now hemlock gallops within my veins!
I've cured myself of life's dis-ease!
I'm done with praying, and begging please
To see life in my lover's eye!"
Just amazing. -
Excellent form, rhythm and narrative. Beautiful language that expresses deep thoughts and emotions. Well done.
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Ahhh the chantings reminiscent of Poe and The Raven. Quite well done. You do have such a knack for excellent use of rhythm in a piece. I enjoyed this very much.
Like the old classics with center alignment and caps beginning each line.
Content is just so very very well done. Personally, I loved it.
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Strong narrative tone, obviously in honor of and inspired by "The Raven". Very smooth flow, I could not detect any hiccups or stumbling. I had a bit of a time reading the green text on this background, as fitting as it is but that's just me (as is preferring left aligned works). Content wise, I liked the story here and enjoyed it quite a bit!
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A fasinating little tale a nice tribute to the raven Or thats how I saw it any way. It wasn't direct which I really liked.
The Positives:
Very fasinating narritive I thought it was great
The Negatives:
Nothing that I see great job
My Favorite Part:
What beast am I that you abhor?
I know of all! I start to bore.
'Tis habbit which maketh a man:
You have fled your past; you ran!
What life could you try?"
This part here was really great I loved it.
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
A story very well told................ mesmerised me...
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What stopped me reading all of it was the centre align and the lime green text...my old eyes perhaps. Having said that, the centre align is actually suited to this piece and the green against the background looks wicked... im not much for backgrounds , and i prefer them to be original not template, but here youve chosen an appropriate one that fits the piece and I like the way it looks.
i guess i really dont like centre align though generally speaking (might be my age-seems lots of younger people do it), though sometimes like here it looks gooda id be a little wary about doing it all the time, I find it a little disruptive to the flow and appearance, as I do fancy backgrounds and really bright text, but as i said, maybe its the tired old eyes. still sometimes i think the work should speak for itself plain and left aligned.
spelling error...maby should be maybe?.. last stanza
the rhymes smooth
good story
really liked
Now hemlock gallops within my veins!overall, you have a great talent esp if you are only 17. keep writing. i feel you have a lot more in you yet...
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Excellent
I like the fact that your poetry has the power to make one think, to take your mind in different directions, and different point of views.
I get so emotional when I read your poems... It's like it's speaking to my mind, my heart, my soul.
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love this part
A brief sound sounds beyond my door.
"What faeries or daemons or monsters of lore
Have come, from night, before my door?"
Darkness, from window, I see nothing more.
I open the door, then I sigh.
so dark....very good poem!!!
btw thanks for putting a reading list poems to our group "the power of darkness"
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A great write, very reminiscent of Poe, he would be proud. I really liked your rhyming and it flowed so well. Best of luck to you in the contest.
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Most excellent and refreshing write
It is with some measure of glee that I do complete this read for dear sir within it I found no need for fancy and disconnected verse.
"Yes, strange bird, I've ended my pains!
Now hemlock gallops within my veins!
I've cured myself of life's dis-ease!
I'm done with praying, and begging please
To see life in my lover's eye!"
How the upon the end the life that flees knows no bounds nor limits to the wishes it could be granted. Seeing life in your lovers's eye could be painted with deciet for we know not all of those we love even in death some treasures must remain unfound.
I like it, I like it so!
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I agree with darkyinsoul it g ives a true Poe feeling to it. I love it so much more because of thart! Excellent write.
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Wow this is amazing. I loved it. A true Poe feel. My absolute favorite. Excellent write.
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Your poetry sure did paint a fantastic story
I really have enjoyed reading this narrative piece you have written.
Loved it
Thank you and best wishes Julie
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this was wonderfully written. I greatly enjoyed reading this. You did an absolutly great job. Thanks so much for entering this wonderfully dark write.
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Keep writing... the poetry grows and grows....
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You misspelled molasses.
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