He hates me with virus-eyes
And a bitter tongue
In a vertigo vortex
He spits vows
Of vomit soaked valour.
This vindictive love
Has bile vices,
hexed kisses
volumes
of twist-sick vinagar
His aim.. to pick-point and vilify
Vexed and vertical
He towers above me,
and versed in venom
He vanishes...
until next time.
I wait...
In a list
A contest entry
- Hurt...Inside an abused victim's heart... by voodoo ink.
850 points, ended March 31, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alliterative Poetry by Fire-Fly.
450 points, ended April 13, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Anger and Rage (PW welcome) by TheDemonEve.
900 points, ended April 20, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I like how you removed the anger from the first-person perspective, and portrayed it as coming from the antagonist. This also breeds very effective anticipation, as the protagonist (and therefore the reader) doesn't know what the anger will set into motion next. Lovely metaphors as well, this is very raw, acidic, and well-written. Bravo!!
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
Well this really makes you sit up and take notice. A very interesting piece, full of emotion, the harsh words are very effective and I like the overall 'feel' of the poem.
Enjoyed reading this.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. -
I, too, like the harsh sound of all the V's. The first line really snaps you too attention. The eyes being the window to the soul... this is harsh and heartfelt.
Love,
Stacy
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Wonderful write, and well deserving of the shiny.
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this is very interesting. I liked the way you the words flowed. Excellent work. You have five poems in the contest and the points will be divided. You have made me a 17 in wow factor points on this poem. Thank you for entering and the best of luck to you. Kahy
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pretty good
but wat through me off was
all the v words
but i read it over again
and it's good
good luck in my contest -
this truely is an astounding piece ... around here (and i have been around here for a number of years) it is very difficult to find pure honesty and emotion written in good poetic for (it's easy to write scribbles honestly, but not really in a poem)
you made my mind spin with all the "v's" but i think that's why i enjoyed this work
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thank you darling
its pretty bitter. I chose to use alliteration because the poem is about experiencing this feeling over and over again - and about waiting for the next time it happens. I chose V because of its vicious sounding words.
thanks for your comments. they're very kind. -
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i don't say what i have to say to be kind (those who know me will attest to that) ... this, in your mind, should be felt ... penned with pride
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a good poem penned, nice use of alliteration there with all the v's flowing along trhe course of the poem.
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Powerful!
What an excellent write! Well done.
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"I wait..." like a full circle of a nightmarish world coming around, again...excellent write, thanks for sharing this poem with us, poet...
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You seem to have a penchant for alliteration dear, I like it.
All the best,
Michael.
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Perfect repetition for in intolerable situation. The poet leaves the reader aware of the dangers returning, "I wait..." We all become better aware from your words. Nice
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Very well written, loved the words you've used. Menacing Piece.
Well done and good luck.
Alex.
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