Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

An Invitation

 

Beyond the scope of midnight
jewels held faint shimmer,

pointing with pitched arcs
from a welcoming glow,
shining for the curious,
found in winter's frigid darkness.

Laughter would truncate,
presume to relinquish
the monotony of culpability

frightening tired fairies
into wind swept caves
defaced by winter blizzards
and rudimentary ice storms.

An entrance glued to grandiose methods
of cultivating pearls with sophistication
enticed a preliminary turning point

culling sepia pigments formed
in perse seas as nitrates glimmered.

Shades of aqua, braced for dawn.

Here
none would belittle another.

Dented fenders were not denied
nor were they created for fools folly,
they were instead,

blemished with life,

flickering cobalt excitement
enticing listeners to hear,

inviting visitors to dance.










Author notes

aqua, belittle, brace, create, culpability
entrance, fender, frighten, glue, grandiose
method, monotony, nitrate, pearl, perse,
preliminary, presume, relinquish, rudimentary,
sepia, sophistication, truncate

I used them all.
I just had to see if I could.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Blue Rew silver member
    April 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    "braced for dawn...blemished with life"
    To me, these two phrases encompass the whole
    impact of this verse. The language of course is polished throughout and adds rather than detracts with its evolved imagery. The right tints of colour are delicately placed and the whole atmosphere moves from faint sparkle to outright dare to dance.
    Blue


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      April 12, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my friend. I just had to give this a go. So pleased you enjoyed it.
      ~Pamela


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    April 2, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I want to go there, to visit, to stay

    Outstanding job!


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      April 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Then stay you must! You are so welcome here. Thank you for such encouraging words. You know me and a word bank. ~Pamela


  • malmadre gold member
    April 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I admit the wordbank has me going in too many directions to focus, but you pulled it off and used them all. Crafty! I like this place you describe. "Here, none would belittle another"
    It's impressive and comes together with a cohesiveness that tells a great story, inviting us all to dance.


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      April 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Then dance you must! So pleased you enjoyed this one. I just had to take a stab at it. Hope to see an entry from you here. Thank you so much for reading and leaving your wonderful impressions. ~Pamela

  • RedAquarius
    April 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I never thought to describe an ice storm as rudimentary as I always consider it to mean "basic" (and I don't consider an ice storm basic!), however if you use the "primitive" definition, it works pretty well and it stands out.

    I really like "cobalt excitement", cobalt is a powerful word, I don't see it often and it is so vivid and impactful - it works wonderfully with a word like excitment which is impactful in its own right, so it becomes a double whammy of imagery.

    The line "presume to" feels odd to me, it slighlty disrupted the flow, I see you made the line end there for length of lines before and after and I am not sure how else I would seperate those so you wouldn't have really long lines but that fragment just doesn't feel strong enough to have its own line with no pow or pause factor, IMHO.

    I love the magic feel, and the welcoming tone, that none are belittled. That is a place I want to visit! Good luck in the contest.


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      April 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      What a great review. Thank you ever so much for this. I am pleased you enjoyed this one. I figured if we were going to ask the group to write to this word bank, we ought to be able to do it as well. So pleased for your thoughts here. Thank you so much. ~Pamela


  • Age of Rain
    March 30, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    wow. TOUGH wordbank. Your poem, however, appears effortless. Lovely


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      March 30, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      You are kind with your words and I thank you. So very pleased you enjoyed this as I always welcome your comments. Most appreciative. ~Pamela

  • meena krish
    March 29, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    How you mana ged to weave all these words
    together is just amazing! As always I enjoy reading
    your poems Good luck


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      March 30, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. It was not an easy word bank but I thought if I am going to ask others to tackle it, I should be able to try one myself. Some tight spots may still need tweaking, but its getting there. So pleased for your comment here. ~Pamela


  • arafura
    March 29, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    "flickering with cobalt excitement"

    Very clever. Beautifully penned.


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      March 29, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      You are too kind. Thank you so much. I figured if we were going to ask the group to write from this word bank, we ought to be able to do it too. So pleased you enjoyed. Thank you again. ~Pamela


  • poet2angels silver member
    March 29, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I would have never known this was from a word bank ! This flows like magic and gives me a bittersweet feeling that I can identify with right now
    Just so lovely!

    Lynda


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      March 29, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Lynda. I did have fun with this and if I am going to ask someone else to try, I'd better be able to handle it myself. So pleased to see your thoughts here. Thank you. ~Pamela


  • paulcreates silver member
    March 29, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    You maybe had to use a shoehorn for a couple of those. lol

    I kind of get this feeling - not quite waking up in the middle of the night then falling back to sleep. Like a dolphin that only grazes the surface without breaching it. The cusp of a dream.
    Not to be denied, your dented fender would be welcome in my driveway any day Pam.

    Paul


    • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
      March 29, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      It was indeed a tight fit in some spots and I plan to tweak some yet.
      Thanks for the observations. ~Pamela

1 - 18 of 18