"Walking on water wasn't built in a day"
[Jack Kerouac]
Oh girl upstairs, you are young,
and your face presses against
the bars of the balcony, watching
me while I wash my car in muggy
Great Lake humidity -- I smile
up at you, I see your crooked knee.
I feel your father smashing mother
I count phone rings through the night
I hear you through that ceiling grate
Telling brother "It's all right"
Oh girl upstairs, you are young, but you are true
& I've witnessed all that you have seen,
and what he's put you through.
I want to be a real man
I want to take your place
I often dream that you are older,
and that we'll soon leave this place.
Oh girl upstairs, my time is up.
I must pack my things, and go...
I, the poet, 10 years your senior
Must finally hit the road, I taught
you chords from my rented room,
and you taught me quiet grace.
I know that one day you will forgive
His violence & my space.
Author notes
Older man, younger girl.
Written March 2nd, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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I came back to applaud! This deserves it!
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I like your poem allot,and you can bet the girl will never forget you not ever.you are a very good poet like the way your poem flowed.
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wow, this is a twist on domestic abuse I have not seen before, the guilt of the spectator who does not interfere. What a painful position that must be to be in. Kudos to you for your candor, and your excellent writing.
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More beautiful than words can describe...
Horribly sad, but absolutly beautiful. I loved the imagery of it all and...I'm sure I recognize this from somewhere. This is, however, an amazing piece of work. You should be happy about it! It's so beautiful! I'll be back to applaud this, I promise! -
Oh girl upstairs, you are young,
and your face presses against
the bars of the balcony, watching
me while I wash my car in muggy
Great Lake humidity -- I smile
up at you, I see your crooked knee.
This was perhaps one of the best background settings I've ever read...and I just imagined a scene from an cheesy '80's movies, lol, where the gurls always so blond and tan and there's always some cute guy washing his car...lol. But the rest of the piece was truly exquisite...and offered up an impressive array of haunting imagery and soft regret. As always, your poetry never fails to elicit a plethora of emotions from me...but this kind...this kind is my favorite... -
Good
Wow. That's so sad... It must have been like torture to watch someone go through that. I don't really know why you feel regret or guilt or weither you feel either one. I am going to go by you feeling guilty for all that crap the poor girl went though and judge the contest. Anyway, keep writing and good luck in the contest. BYE! -
a little knowledge is a dangerous thing
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this is cool. i dont know too much about poetry,but i like the way this sounded
`````varmit```` -
WOW.. A new side to you , I like kasdaye , agree it is the softer side of you ..I like it , but I WOULD miss the other you.. Cat
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this is a softer side of horus, very sad and touching. I am not good at commenting so I will spare you the usual banter of good flow, yada yada yada. I am no expert on writing...so, um, I will just say I like it.
Jenn -
The words were very caring. (I want to be a real man
I want to take your place) Thank you for sharing.
Edited on Mar 14, 8:32 p.m. because 'forgot to add line'. -
Read this awhile ago...and it's funny how some poems just stick with you...like this one. This is truly the best poem I've read on the subject..
jenn -
Something pungent
Like the smells of cooking
Drifting through appartment doors,
down the hall
through elevators,
in between the thick, rat-infested floors.
I see the Girl (upstairs) in colors,
painted vivid 'cross closed eyes,
watching placid, yet eternal
from her tower with its bars,
prison? maybe. maybe just a cage.
Although, they're just the same.
I hope someday she runs away to you,
You can cut your hair
And change your names...
And live poetry with every breath and
Forget to remember the pain.
Edited on Mar 07 because 'the earth orbited me without warning'. -
I liked the tenderness and the gentleness of this poem, and how you mentally reach out to help her, but are, after all, quite helpless under the situation. A very touching and well written piece, my friend.
Best wishes,
Moses Hochstetler -
this is terribly beautiful and terribly sad. it's ridiculous what people go through in life at such a young age. I can only imagine the pain that this girl is/was going through, but its just so impossible to do anything. strike that, it's not impossible, but it is incredibly hard. I often think there is no excuse for not doing something, however it's hard to actually do it when it's there. such a catch 22.
but either way, this poem is great, it flows wonderfully.
i like the repetition of "oh the girl upstairs", it works so well and reminds the readers that you really don't even have enough connectioin with her to know her name, yet on the other hand you have such a personal relationship in watching her.
this comment is confusing, but i'm sure you get the point.
mel. -
very nice story
nice prosaic form
sad about the
gal upstairs
the world is broken
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Sadness, but it happens. Isn't it sick? I would go on to a full scale essay about why I dislike people who abuse children, but you'd just get bored. Nice poem, cannot fault it, wouldn't want to.
QN -
I love you like a Jesus mutton, why won't you just hold me hand and pop my button. We can dance in drag, you can hold my purse, you can be my fag, we can fuck and curse? We can move to Paris and buy lip stick, I'll buy you a bidet, and you can suck my... Pardon me pink dot just arrived with my box of sugar cones, do excuse me.
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Those are powerful words from a young man that was rimming me in my yellow dress with the puffy sleeves just the other day in the gazeebo. Red, I know this is rather early in our relationship, but I was just wondering... If I grow a beard and you grow a bananna? Will you help me shave mine all of it, (gulp) off? If I help you peel yours?
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That's probably because he practices, quite often, various forms of "formal" poetry, and does them successfully. He's also published and continues to be so.
As for him being a hypocrite. I wouldn't know, but everyone's a hypocrite at one time or another.
Get over it, hate is too strong a word for someone on the internet. And you'll never convince me that horus is "horrid"
Nyx... -
no, not quite, if you read the CB log he says that a poet is defined by whether they do it for a lifetime or not, he is a fuckface and i hate him, he has poor wording choice and says that you have to study poetry to be a poet, he is a hipocrite and thinks he is better than everyone else
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Yeah, I know, I'm setting him up to wear a dress and dance with me.
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i think he's just mad because he can't write like you do. and he's trying to make himself look important, by insulting you.
Nyx...
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Do you even know what a Sonatina is ASSHAT?
Maybe it's difficult for you to read because you have a hard time reading and spelling. I'll have you know, I've written more vilanelles, sestinas and sonnets than you could read in a life time, get a clue. -
your ryhming is all over the place, with no set scheme, which is bad, you either stick to a scheme or write free-verse, alos you cut sentences short to ake it look trim and terrific, like cutting a sentence in half to create a line with the same length, it gives a choppy feel and is not nice for the reader, overall a 2/5, about as good as a cliche 11 year old 'searching after the perfect love whom she will stay with for the rest of her life, then finding out he doesnt like her' poem
not good at all, sorry -
this was awesome, man... its sad, but its good. thanks for sharing.
^--i've always hated comments like this, they always manage to piss me off.
i mean, can't someone think of something intelligent to say?
Like, the feeling of this made my chest feel hollow, and cold, like trying to take in air while struggling with an asthma attack.
Or...This was so flawlessly creative, how you twisted and distorted the perspective here, putting it against someone else, instead of yourself.
oh well.
Nyx... -
Great write. Really sweet. This was very capturing and hopeful. I liked this a lot =^_^=
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sustaining
i love this poem, i have not yet had the Chance to read any of your other poetry, but surely i must. I like this poem because it seems so inocent and unaware. It reminds me of swimming pools and other childhood dreams, and the crude reality of love, hate, and all the things that you never really understand "why". It is some depressing love saong that you cant be a part of. thank you -
this was awesome, man... its sad, but its good. thanks for sharing.
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Stunning!
You have great style..And a ton of talent
Clever and wise in many ways....
This unfolded to sweet perfection! Simply a pleasure to read...
~Kimberly
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Thanks, that means a lot to my art form, thank you.
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beautiful, pulled at your soul, you could feel the pain of this younger girl desperatly look at your life wishing to be a part. I could feel your struggle, wanting desperatly to help..but knowing you couldn't. wow.
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excellent write
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Brilliant.
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you tug my heartstrings, bastard.
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cool.. I like it when poets use a story of there own but add twists to it, to make it into something else..
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I'm glad, I felt like I wanted to do something from a totally different perspective? So I went back in time and reversed the situation, I actually lived upstairs in a flat in hamtramck michigan when I was 19 above an albanian family and their little boy used to cuss the hell out of me, because his parents showed him bad tv and they didn't speak any english, so he didn't even know what he was saying, he was like 5, and boy that kid would cuss you out, so I reversed it all a bit put me down stairs, put him up, made him a girl and made his parents the abusive ones instead of him, lol, I'm really glad you liked it.
Edited on Mar 02, 5:22 because ''. -
Well Nephew..
this is GOOD... short but sweet, but not in the sugary over saccharine way I could see this developing further.. the integral sadness that lies beneath the humour hits the right place.. Me liked
~GILL~xx
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