(Sung to the tune of "Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks.)
He's twice the man that he once was
but only in sheer pounds
from hangin' 'round the Winchells
on the outskirts of town.
His wife's damn near disgusted
at the site of all his rolls
and she cries, "They'll be the end of you!
Those gal durn donut holes!
And jelly rolls!
Jelly rolls!
He says, "I'm sorry, baby.
I'm not the man that you once knew
and come hell or high water,
I'm gonna lose this weight for you.
That promise lasts till midnight
when he's walkin' through the door
to get a fresh-baked dozen
like so many nights before
of jelly rolls.
Jelly rolls.
Jelly rolls and a few bear claws.
He's breakin' all the dietary laws.
His hunger burns out of control
so he pigs out on jelly rolls.
It's three-thirty in the mornin'
when his car pulls in the drive.
She rushes out to hold him,
thankful he's alive.
But along the wind and rain,
the scent of sugar blows.
She sees a sprinkle in his moustache
and he knows that she knows
about the jelly rolls,
jelly rolls.
Jelly rolls and a few bear claws.
He's breakin' all the dietary laws.
His hunger burns out of control
so he stuffs his face with jelly rolls.
- Mark Rickerby
Author notes
Written March 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Parodies! by NYYankeeLuvr.
400 points, ended March 2, 2004, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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I would send this to all the police stations but that might put me on their radar. I have the highest respect for the po-lice. I just feel better when they're not looking directly at me. lol
Mark -
Too Funny!
Hi Mark,
That was hysterical. I, myself, prefer glazed old-fashioned
You should mail this to all the police stations in the county. 
Kerry -
This was awesome and it put a big smile to my face. from imagine27
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This was awesome. Good job! I will look differently at a few of my friends now!
Edited on Apr 01, 2:38 p.m. because ''. -
HAHAHAHAHA! I love a good parody. I do some with another writer here under the name...Unbridled1 and Desiree Darkk...but they are not quite like this!haha.
And i am not laughing at the weight thing...just more the way you brought it all together. To that particular tune, i cannot help but giggle!
UB
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awesome, man
by the way, nice picture on your page, nice alien friends,lol, talk laterz -
Well not being a fan of Mr.Brooks and never having heard 'Thunder Rolls' ( I know I know you are probably gasping with disbelief, but its true) It in no way stopped me from enjoying your work here. Excellent stuff, really made me laugh, hey just call me shallow, but I like funny stuff most of all..lol
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments on 'The Mummy & The Mermaid' Glad you liked
Kat -
that was seriously great! terrific!
adn
Edited on Mar 11, 6:35 p.m. because ''. -
Twist? Was that a pun?
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Awww, now everytime I hear that song this is what I'm going to think of. heh, it throws an interesting twist on things
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Very good, I enjoyed the humor in this one. Congratulations on getting a poem published in Chicken Soup!
Jennifer -
This makes me think about a friend I met with yesterday after maybe 8 months of not seeing them, they have turned into a small house lmao
Lakota x -
Hiya!!! thanks for reading my piece called Cops and Doughnuts! hehe...i like yours about jelly rolls too! IT was very good and i love the way you mixed it with thunder rolls...lol...hehe!! Great job!! Byes! always, Sam
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Hiya!!! thanks for reading my piece called Cops and Doughnuts! hehe...i like yours about jelly rolls too! IT was very good and i love the way you mixed it with thunder rolls...lol...hehe!! Great job!! Byes! always, Sam
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This is so funny, i enjoyed it...I am glad to read something new by you, Mark...
I love this...
Tammy 
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Congrats on Silver hun! aimee xo
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Awesome! I haven't heard the song you're referring too but still, an excellent job. I really liked this-made me hungry!! Thanks for entering!
Becca -
LOL Mark!!! The pen would be glued to your hand..
not taped
lol.... eating may be hard... now that I think
about it... lol... But hey.. you'll have your other hand
to eat with And let 'em ask... I'm sure you'd come
up with a great lil story to tell them of why that pen is
there....
Aimee
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Thanks Aimee!
I'm glad I could give you a laugh. Loved your suggestion. I'll do that, though I'll probably get tired of people asking me why there's a pen taped to my hand, and eating will be difficult. lol
Mark
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LOLOLOL!!!! Mark.. I knew all I had
to do to feel "UP"... was read one of your many
funny writes..... what a smile and what laughter
this one brought to me!!!! I loved it.. from beginning
to end. THANK YOU!!!
Keep writing... if you don't .. I'll hunt you down,
glue a pen to your hand... and nail a pad of paper to the
table
Aimee
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Hey Cherche,
Yeah, what is it with cops and donuts anyway? I guess they get them for free or something, but I'm sure they don't help them cach the bad guys in a foot chase. But far be it from me to begrudge a little pleasure to our boys in blue. I'll be the first one to buy them a jelly roll.
Thanks for stopping by!
Mark -
Hi Mystic,
Thanks for the kind comments. I'm glad you liked this one.
The Homer reference was based on a funny photo someone at this site, who shall remain nameless, sent to me. There's no way I could explain it here without getting kicked off the site, and perhaps off the Internet forever. Without going into too much detail, Homer's face was painted onto someone's private parts. It was quite disturbing. haha
Take care,
Mark -
This made my day start with a smile Was he an ermmmm ...policeman My apology to any law enforcment officer that might read this ...it is only written in geste and i have the utmost respect for each and everyone of you . I liked this being sung to the tune of " The thunder rolls " Definitely much more uplifting then the lyrics by Garth Brooks , being they are about such a serious subject . Thx for the smile ,
Reenie;f -
No, not Homer! Now I'm picturing "that" picture of Homer eating donuts. I didn't think it could get any worse! haha
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You are in your best on the late hours!
Good to have a laugh after reading serious stuff!
The rhythm is perfect, I had read it loud and could actually see the picture of it, don't why it reminded me Hommer Simpson. NO! Not that one, but he eating donuts.
Very funny write Mark! Bring more!
Mari
Edited on Mar 02, 4:51 p.m. because ''.
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