No one chose, but accepted to go,
against this tricky slope.
One by one, they eye the distance,
clinging to a rope.
Stepping carefully, moving up,
one thousand miles high.
Distressing minds ever wary,
against the ink blot sky.
Muscles ache, breath is held,
white knuckles crack and groan.
But footstep echoes remind the ears
that the hands are not alone.
The lives that were are lost for now,
the tears have come and gone.
Darkness will envelop their path,
but still they will move on.
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Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Nice, easy write. Appreciated.
Peace and love,
Mitchell
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But footstep echoes remind the ears
that the hands are not alone."
wonderful lines.
Love the title
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Thank you.
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to me Darkness will envelop their path,
but still they will move on. is the best line I really like it I enjoyed the poem really much thank you for sharing
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Thank you for enjoying. ^_^
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"But footstep echoes remind the ears
that the hands are not alone."
That's my favorite line, good write,
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Thank you very much.
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Stunning. I am left gaping like a bafoon yet again. I simply love your work! You write from such a depth, such a deep well within the soul. I find it fascinating...
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This is a great poem cousin.I love the imagery.I can see everything in my mind and I can feel the emotion in my heart
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Thank you very much dear. ^_^
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This is absolutely wonderful.. I love the powerful imagery. You are a wonderful poet and I hope to see much more of your writing...
I almost cried during this and I would not change a thing.
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Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I'm really glad you liked it.
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I agree with Denim-Fairy... This totally made me think of LoTR and that long, arduous trek up the mountain to destroy that burden. Perhaps we can all learn something from those little hobbits
Well done!
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Thank you very much, pineapple! ^_^
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lovely, lovely, oh so lovely.
many rich depths and textures to enjoy
within this poem.
well done!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
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Thank you so much. Im glad you enjoyed it.
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Wonderful pengy.
I love the rhyme, and especially the last four lines:
"The lives that were are lost for now,
the tears have come and gone.
Darkness will envelop their path,
but still they will move on."
Your always so deep.
Great poem.
~Angel
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Thank you very much. ^_^
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kind of reminds me of the song by led zeppelin "no quarter" and the lord of the rings (which the song was inspired by)...great job...not everyone can evoke tolkien and plant...
great rhyme, great job... -
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Thank you. That's an interesting way to look at it.
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I like this, bro! Very emotion-filled and good! Thanks for sending it to me. Awesome job. Love the last line. SHows how we all forge forth.
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Thanks a lot man.
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interesting. yes. reading the title alone i had a different idea of what the poem would be like but hmm. it is... well very interesting
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Thank you.
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Very nicely worded, perhaps your could improve your vocabulary choices such as making. "Stepping carefully" to "treading carefully" Interesting and original concept, these two lines don't quite make sense though
"Distressing minds ever wary,
against the ink blot sky."
It might just be me but could you maybe find a way to clarify your message in those lines?
Nice title but I think perhaps you might find a better one that suits the poem more, it sounds like maybe you chose the title before writing it and it maybe developed a little more than you expected. Nice job and keep writing
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Thanks, but I actually reviewed this several times before I posted it. I mean, just because "treading" looks better doesn't make it better. I mean, I've never really seen anyone "tread." I've seen them step.
What I mean by those lines, and I hate explaining, is that the "climbers", as they could be called, are afraid of what is hovering over them, and what exactly that is is unique to each of them (like a rorschach, or ink blot, test).
And I believe the title fits perfectly well. Thanks for reading and commenting though.
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I didn't even notice it rhymed at first, just that it flowed nicely. That's not a bad thing, I'm just used to abab if there is rhyming in a poem, and this was different. I liked the title, and some of the descriptions, like "inkblot sky".
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Thank you very much.
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I preferred it when it said "white knickles" as I imagined someone's fat gut being held in place by their groaning white knickers.
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heh hehe!
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Thought-provoking sentiments.
Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for reading and enjoying. )
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Very Nice,
One mistake
'white knickles crack and groan.'
Knuckles?
I like the sense of rhyming you have created.
Favourite-
'The lives that were are lost for now,
the tears have come and gone.
Darkness will envelop their path,
but still they will move on.'
Works well with a creative piece you have put together.
Well done,
Tam
ps: is everything ok?
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I didnt even notice the typo last night, but it's fixed now. I'm really glad you liked this one. It took me a while to finish; I could not find the right line to complete it halfway through. But apparently it turned out well. Thank you.
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