I sit in my cage,
watching my mistress
as she starts the fun.
I watch her play with herself,
rubbing that sweet spot.
I want to join her,
but the cuffs holding me in place stop me.
Getting close to the bars,
she starts to play with her nipples.
I try to reach out for her,
but she steps back,
still touching that sweet spot.
I moan in desire,
she laughs in reply.
Getting close again,
she reaches in,
grabbing my breasts,
pinching the nipples.
She stops messing with my chest,
and moves her hand downward.
Grabbing my sweet spot,
she rubs me raw,
letting me melt in her hands.
Sticking a finger on the outer wall,
she gently pushes.
I go limp and just hang for a moment,
until I hear her voice,
whispering to me promises of joining.
I look up and see her grab her favorite tool,
strapping it on and wetting it slightly.
I don't move until she reaches in and turns me.
Grabbing my hips,
she gets me bent over.
Thrusting in without warning,
ramming me through the bars.
Soon she slows down,
and with one last hard thrust,
she pulls out and licks my mess.
Lastly, she grabs my hips again,
turns me to her and kisses me deeply.
Author notes
This is a new one on me, so if it's not the greatest, sorry. Hope you enjoyed the write anyway.
Be honest and tell me what you think.
Comments
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I counted the words 'sweet spot' three times in the first 21 lines ... perhaps different words would've worked better there in two of those cases?
By the title I was of the impression it was to be about a submissive in a cage but I didn't get the feeling from the actual caging I'm afraid but rather about what was going on around the caging (hope that makes sense!)
But, considering as being caged is a 'new one on you' I have to say that you did a pretty good job, so congrats! : -
Very well thought out piece you have here. Great imagery too.
I do agree with my co-judge about breaking this into stanzas though, that would allow for a better presentation. As it is, it seems a bit rushed. Also, I think that using words such as "mess" and "tool" really take away from the beauty of the situation here. Perhaps using words like "nectar" and "toy" would help.
Overall, you did a good job and hope that you continue in the next round.
**Master Ktulu** -
Hello Norea
A very heated write you have given us, with plenty of stimulating images. You kept to your fetish theme well and considering you have no experience of it you have done a very good job.
I do feel breaking the write into stanzas would allow the reader to pause a little and enhance the presentation of the piece, that however is a minor quibble.
I am glad to see you didn't use D/s protocol of capitalizing references to the dominant partner here. That is heavily frowned upon by publishers so I think you have done the right thing.
Well done
Your score has been sent to the challenge host
Jem
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That was amazingly done! Very nice image you created with this. Loved it!!! ^_^
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