bein' a kid is so tough
doesn't help when you grow up rough
everything's all about stuff
and you've never got enough
but i'm walkin' in the sun today
think i turned out ok
got bills i can't pay
but it's only sunday
and i got 'til monday
that's a whole day away
can't do much anyway
so here's what i say
just for today
i'll take it easy
just let the breeze by
might hit the peace pipe
the air smells so sweet
and i got shoes on my feet
good food to eat
the world ain't got me beat
and these days that's a feat
so i'll take it slow
just enjoy the suns glow
and watch my flowers grow
i feel that breeze blow
on my face and i know
everything'll be fine
i still know how to rhyme
and these verses are mine
they still fall outta my head
as i'm lyin' in bed
watchin' the sunset turn red
and i'm warm and i'm fed
and that just can't be said
about alot of people these days
so i'm grateful and i gotta say
things are lookin' up in alot of big ways
Author notes
something new and different... not sure that it works though, so give me some feedback please!
Comments
-
i loved the flow, which was great to me.
i thought it was easy to read, very upbeat
great write friend..
-
The aa/bb/cc etc rhyme scheme gets tiring after about 8 lines.
there's no punctuation, which makes the poem difficult to read
i feel as if what you're trying to say could be put much more succinctly.
all in all, not half bad. keep on keepin on.
cheers -
bein --> bein' (since the others have the apostrophe)/alot --> a lot
This flows like song lyrics. It's very hopeful and the rhyme pushes it along. Even with the close repetition, the rhyme sounds very natural. "Peace pipe" was the closest you came to forced rhyme, but I think it's fun line, definitely made me smile.
I can't say I have a favorite line, except maybe "these verses are mine"---writing as a testament to life. And I'm not a fan of lowercase 'I's. Even without punctuation this was easily read (perhaps the rhyme helped).
All in all, a very uplifting piece that I'm glad I read.
-K
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