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The Day I Found You

 

 

 

 

This place used to be filled with so much laughter and life,

until the day that you vanished from my life.

 

I searched for days hoping to find you,

praying that you would be somewhere safe and sound.

 

I don't know what it was that brought me here,

but I heard a voice in this secluded place.

 

Your body was laid upon this pile of rocks,

as if someone wanted us to find you there.

 

I fell to my knees and cried as I picked you up,

then carefully held you close to my heart.

 

From then on I was never the same again,

and I knew in that moment that you were never coming back.

 

If only I was there to protect you that morning.

If I only knew what you were going through.

 

I love you endlessly and I want you to know, that I am sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

10-15 Lines
Prompt:

http://inlinethumb26.webshots.com/217/1441145172034469480S500x500Q85.jpg

A contest entry

Friends, I appreciate your thoughts and comments on my work. However, due to the contest rules please do not use my username in your comment. Thank you!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • A63-Angel
    November 19
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    wow, I don't know what to say. I mean, this is so good words escape me.


  • liquid feelings
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    wow you are quite the popular writer ey, and i can understand why, what u have writen here was great it actually made me feel something which is what i always try do do with my put a feelin into it and you've done this so well, im quite jealous


  • SteveS gold member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful write here. You sure did demonstrate some artful creativity using that prompt. I personally would take out the word "again" in line 11. I feel "From then on" is enough for that notion. That last line is great, implying something very important and regretful had transpired that is subject to conjecture for the reader.

  • Wisdom 1
    October 10
    Edit | Reply

    snailthumb

    love the picture chosen.

  • musiccraze2009
    October 4

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    great write! The only thing I would say is I don't really like the use of life twice in the first two lines. Other than that great job!


  • Gods child40 silver member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Jeremy, I love your poetry, sorry I havent been around lately to comment. This is very beautiful. I can feel your heart in this poem. Keep up the good work!! you are one of my favorites!


  • Barry Hodges silver member
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    It is indeed sad when someone you loved has kicked off this mortal coil and it's too late to say anything. But hey that's life. Well written piece.


  • Desiree-Valdez
    August 22

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    I relate to this in a strange way, unfortunatly we lost someone in a river in the mountains, however he was 2yrs of age, and was found on rocks by a fisherman. Interesting how a poem can touch so close to home. You did beautifully on this piece. Wonderful. Gread job!


  • Ami
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    So much emotion in this write :] amazing congrats on the gold trophy that you have won so far you really deserved it for this write :]
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥


  • WantedxXxMe
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Sadly this has happened to me before.. it is not easy to cope with, but I managed... great write!


  • Midnite-Rae
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    This was sad, but beautifully written. I very much enjoyed reading this. It flowed well and you have some good imagery in there. "This place used to be filled with so much laughter and life,
    until the day that you vanished from my life."Those two lines keep sticking in my head. I love those two lines. You did a wonderful job. Keep up the great work.


  • DaWildChild
    August 1

    Edit | Reply
    Damn...that was one moving piece,i could feel the emotion and imagine what you felt like finding yourself in such a position, i dont want to think this is truem though i am hoping your ability to write and strong imagination led to the production of this wonderful piece, i really enjoyed reading it sad as it is, it is a piece beautifully written. thanks for sharing this piece Jeremy.

  • ihsayd
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem, so sad. i can see it all.
    i really hope this isnt true!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow that is really good. I could feel and see the whole scene unfold before me. You have done a wonderful job on this piece. Thank you for sharing such a personal write.

    "I fell to my knees and cried as I picked you up,

    then carefully held you close to my heart.



    From then on I was never the same again,

    and I knew in that moment that you were never coming back.



    If only I was there to protect you that morning.

    If I only knew what you were going through."


    These lines spoke to me more then then the rest did. I fet each and every line of this piece.


  • Night Terrors
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    seems I have read this before when you have sometimers like me everything is new lol


  • Night Terrors
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is so very very sad! I can picture it perfectly a young man in a desperate search for his lost lover to only find her poor broken body. That is so very tragic. I certainly hope that this is fiction!! It would be to sad if it were even a little bit true. A great style as well. I loved the flow. You really have made a masterpeice with this. Great job!


  • Coathanger
    July 20
    Edit | Reply
    An incredible poem, full of heartfelt emotion.


  • zhaniswolf
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    wow... such a sad story from such a beautiful picture. Really good piece. Congrats on the gold


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, this is VERY emotional in what it talks about.

    It really stings my soul.

    Well done on a great write and a well deserved gold!


  • Poetic Butterfly
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this one. My bestfriend of 15 yrs was murdered and dumped in a lake....I regret everyday not being able to help her or be with her thru her struggle. All that I try to think of now is that she is at peace and away form harm. Lovely write


  • ml12
    July 2

    Edit | Reply

    Hood-Wink!

    Congratulations on the gold! I enjoyed reading this and how easy the words flowed from my tongue. The ending was sad but I guess no one lives happily ever after anymore.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply

    Hoodwinked!

    Oh my how you have taken the prompt...Such a beautiful picture, and the emotion and creatively your imagination has us believing a tragedy has happened, and you the love left alone...A worthy trophy...the Gold for a penning well done!


  • shoutaloud
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    how sad. Thankyou for writing this.


  • michichoeret
    June 17
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    great "regret"-write
    very sad but not hysterically sentimental


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow Jeremy that was so deep , gosh that left me
    so dang sad, you penned a very sad peice and
    i am left speechless, Bravo Sir,

    Blessings

    Rend


  • Knight70 silver member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply

    beautifully written prose....

    Jeremy, you're a romance novelist at heart. Most of the classic love stories purposely have tragedy to allow readers to develop a much deeper connection to the characters. This does just that. You set the scene for a tragic, but profound love story. I see how this got you another gold. I would have also given you one for such a beautiful piece.

    Don


  • Angel 19 1986
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    This is really touching and well worded. Keep up the good writtings.


  • Night Terrors
    May 10
    Edit | Reply
    awe that is sweet i love what I saw here you did amazing.



    The Positives:
    That was so sweet I love the imagery you did amazing


    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:



    Your body was laid upon this pile of rocks,

    as if someone wanted us to find you there.




    I fell to my knees and cried as I picked you up,

    then carefully held you close to my heart.




    From then on I was never the same again,

    and I knew in that moment that you were never coming back.


    Loved this part it was amazing
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    May 4
    Edit | Reply
    oh Jeremy you have a gift for great stories
    you wrote a stellar write. beautiful but so painful

    Thank you for writing this write
    Blessings

    Rend


  • historygeek6190
    April 29
    Edit | Reply
    great write so sad


  • PurpleSky
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    whew! thank God this was from a picture prompt cause it was soooo sad However it was well written and it is nice to read you again. Congrats on that shiney Gold trophy!
    huggles
    Lena

  • pearlstp
    April 24
    Edit | Reply

    Riveting

    ...like a segway into a murder mystery. Great


  • Perfect Asymmetry
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a stunning piece! It's full of emotions, so powerful. Nothing is harder than to find out someone you love is dead.
    Great write!


  • aboomer silver member
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    wow - full of such heartbreak, sadness - but great images and emotion! Congrats. on the well-deserved Gold!

  • stephenlocke
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful heartbreaking piece of creative writing, filled with emotion and feelings.
    I enjoyed this very much


  • Doom Fridge
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    sweet


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    Omg, this is so sad and heart breaking. Such vivid imagery and your words express the deep sympathy of not being able to help. Marvelous write.


  • trekkergirl
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow what a horrible thing to have happen to find your love dead... oh such emotion is brought to me... a memory sad and haunted of when I found my dad dead. After hollering at him and looking for him. To be found that way. So sad. I can really relate.


  • Riftkin gold member
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem to read.

    Thank you for entering this in my contest.

    Riftkin


  • hotchocolate gold member
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad but a great piece from you! You did a wonderful job penning this and I enjoyed reading. Good luck in the contest hon

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