The grand illusion...
never more visible,
eludes the watchers,
that gage the wind,
and house their pigs
in sticks and straw,
to beckon birds,
who take and nest,
among the brick,
that lies beneath
the clear and
questioned danger.
Of mountains rest..
beneath the sea,
of coral reef,
and streets of gold,
that guides us all
to rest and sleep,
on gold dust docks,
beneath the peaks,
where all of it
was just a dream.
The grand illusion...
never more real,
snaking through
the garden...
shedding his vile skin,
dragging himself
across the deep red dirt ,
winding and breathing ,
moving towards the mirage
of the distracted hare,
who is sure he is returning
to his lowly hollowed
humble home.
Author notes
Don't ya worry baby,
cause nothin's
gonna be alright.
A contest entry
- 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1096 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Beautiful imagery and great flow and rhythm. I thank you for sharing your talent with all of us and inspiring us. I applaud you!
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'a grand illussion never more real' .....never so convincing.
now bold enough to shed the facade and show itself in all of its serpantine glory. (wisdom or evil?) now what is the mirage? is it the serpantine facade or is it the distraction of the hare? perhaps the hare's distraction is the illussion. perhaps that stripped exposed illussion is in for more than it bargained for (there is a hope in that).
good writing...got me thinking
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Beautiful Flow
I love this poem, so many beautiful images! Perhaps you would consider a small revision in the second stanza - you may find replacing the word "docks" with "dunes" helps to extend the flow and fits well with the image of sleeping on "gold dust" . You then get the flow from mountains to sea to street to shore and to mountains again, without the intrusion of what could be considered a rather industrial word.
Please forgive my intrusion, I am British and perhaps words sound different to me sometimes. I'm sure you don't need my criticism or encouragement, but Well Done!
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Awesome
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don't think twice babe....
such a descriptive vision of creeping fate and our at times blissful ignorance of this mortal frame and our often perilous situation. Wish I was still a bird!
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awesome
very intelligent poem and in the end it is true nothing is gonna be all right good job great descriptions kudos to you
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I am so liking the rhythm in this one. An off-beat kinda cadence that flows along perfect for the content. I luv the visual I got of the distracted hare...(hehe...prolly not the one you meant) This has good color and texture in it. Nice pen!
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Thanks for directing me to this. I love the flow and imagery here. An excellent write thanks.
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LOVELY imagery and mental pictures were added into the whole of this.
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I see your cheering section ...
agrees with me that this is a good job, with a good bearing on the premise. Life itself is an illusion, according to religious sects, and certainly one often has that feeling when passing through it.
ALl in all, good job.
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Thank you for your entry.
What an interesting piece. Reading the author notes, I could relate it back to the piece which seemed to show everything falling down around you. Very well done.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
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The last stanza I feel is brilliant.. an illusion sheds its skin like a serpent. You do have a way with words and I have enjoyed this work.
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Excellent
Perfect metaphors, with good meter and flow and I love the contrasts. Well done
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o friend! another most enchanting write. food for my eyes...filling....and leaveing me wanting a second helping! wonderful!
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What great imagery and flow...great metaphor and such a deep sad feeling to it all...love the opening stanza, yet the closing is just as strong.
Excellent write, my friend.
Love,
mystic
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Selective hearing and sight... the definition of advancement is truely the adaptation to overlook what is truely wonderful and also terribly horrid. Great write but you know that. Terrific imagry and flow.. Loved the metaphors. The whole piece screams for recognition. You have it from me.
XO
Cyb
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Lowell,
My friend how talented you are!!
Loved this beautiful write..
Close images of life and the soul.
Great poem my friend.
Thanks as always for sharing.
Best to you
Love Peace
campanaro
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Interesting!
It seem that this grand illusion is everywhere the eye or a person can be. Maybe it's our conception that litters the world labeling things as degraded creatures or maybe it is us that is vile. I really like this work simple but complex. kinda toy's with the mind a bit. I enjoy reading you work!
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Excellant!
Outstading use of imagery and great use of meter. I shall be returning and rereading this one frequently.
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wow this is a treasure trove of wonderful imagery that reflects the mirage of life and its consequences ...an excellent write dear poet
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and...
yes it will,
because all anything takes is love... This-- flabergasted, wow...fuck this trippy shit- I'm playing some Creature
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I love the twists and turns that pave the poem—great imagery, and an Into the Woods-like jumble of interconnected tales. I felt like Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road, and I totally enjoyed the journey.
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Poe, you are a bit of a genius with this true to life nursery rhyme flow of words. Maybe a different twist, but flows and really takes one through time from the garden of Eden to this very moment with this serpent. Life is but a dream? I think we'll know for sure one day. This one has to be one of your best. I enjoyed it very much and am grateful that you posted it for us to read. Great write.
Blessings my dear friend,
Ron
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interesting
you have great word choice. and i like the way your words weave around themselves. it paints a picture.
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damn dude, this is really packed with alot of imagery. This was really good
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(applause)
i really enjoyed this. my favorite stanza was the thrid...because it is chrystal clear. all the words are lovely and so rhythmic. i enjoyed in the first stanza that once you mentioned the 'watchers' it shifted it's focus to life underneath the danger. also the phrase, 'never more visible, eludes the watchers,' how right you are!!!
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hmmm. I like this style very much. I read the words and understand them by themselves but when you put them together i have found myself lost. I wish I were in your head or had your imagination. I sort of get it I suppose. The imagery is there I just might not be able to see the full picture. Thank you for presenting me with the challenge of your poem. I won't dig too deep to the point where i am pulling out my own meaning. I am not sure what you meant by this poem but I still like it.
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Very descriptive. I enjoyed this.
Mark
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love the imagery in this.
truly brilliant! -
between the lines....
i love what this does not say, the words convey the picture, the picture speak the words, a wonderful read. -
Just like
the Grand Illusion! So many twists and turns! Great imagery, story line, context & metaphor. You sure can pack a lot in a short write. In line 5 I think you mean to have:
and house they're [their] pigs
A 'lil bit of Alice here? :
moving towards the mirage
of the distracted hare,
who is sure he is returning
to his lowly hollowed
humble home.
I love the way you weave & dart about leaving much room for the reader to fill in between the lines with the imagination. Nice going Liam.
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We don't see what we don't want to...not even a clear danger.
Rather than look clearly at what the wind has blown our way, we retreat into the warmth and comfort of our dreamlands.
Shedding that which is reality in the hope of gaining that which we feel we must have, not realizing it is surely illusion. The hare continues to run hoping to catch the sun and if he cannot fins his hole he will surely dig another one. Apologies to Mr. Waters.
Another though provoking write my Brother.
Hope some peace comes your way.
Take care.
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I stand to applaud brother
simply incredible. the imagery here is so incredible as all of your work, the whole poem is awesome. the first stanza with the connection to the three little pigs whose homes were lost to the wolf. then the birds taking the pieces of the broken homes for nests. A tragedy to be sure. I will come back and read this again. Your poems are always rich with metaphor and vision on the surface but the underlying truth is deep and rooted throughout your work. not just poetry but thought provoking and full of interest to the reader who is looking and thinking. Most perfectly penned my brother. NIc
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i love this it is so beautiful and i can totally relate
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this was amazing, although i think i will need to reread it later as i am a little loopy from my wisdom teeth meds, but at the moment this is still very good, even if i can't follow it as well as i might.
thanks for the wonderful read,
kate
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So, Im late getting back to you. Im sorry love.
AS for a review, here goes:
I love the beginning stanza, it stacks itself up like a brick wall.
There is alot to love about your imagery there. The end of the first stanza is undoubtably my favorite in the entire poem.
Second stanza? Kind of confuses me, but that's not hard to do these days. Still, it works well here, and the end of that stanza is nice too.
The THIRD stanza is where I get thrown big time. So many pieces can fit in that place, and I am left to question what your grand illusion is.
I realize you did that on purpose, and if I didn't know you like I do, or was privy to some of the events going on in your present life, I would be really lost.
That said, I still think this poem is of the fine quality, and thought provoking insight you manage so well, and seemingly so effortlessly.
You are a magician Liam. Simple as that. You have a remarkable capacity to write so close to your heart, and you do it without mussing up what could be going on in the reader's mind.
All in all, my review is that your poem is another masterpiece, with the flavor only you can fathom.
Love always,
Jin -
Wow...alot going on in this poem, much to think about. It reminds me of several stories that seem to cut across each other. Interesting words, and voice! your sis...
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well this is yet another poem that I love. I like how you talk about this grand illusion and how it's what gets us to sleep at night and I guess kind of draws us away from seeing the bad things in the world. But yet it's always there, even though this grand illusion tries to hide it. Great job, truly amazing=]
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I don't know where the hel you get the inspiration for such profound and interesting writing but I want some of it. I am so humbled by your talent I do not feel worthy to make any kind of valid criticism at all. All I can do is sit open mouthed at my dusty old computer screen and hope for more every once in a while. Real quality stuff my friend.
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LOL I'm pretty sure I didn't understand what this was exactly a metaphor about. Is this based on the book called "Watchers"? Because I haven't read that, though I heard it was good. It did make me think of the Mother Goose stories going wild but I'm sure that's not really what it was about. Oh well, I tried!
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YEAH
Very nice brother, very nice...This is a step up for you. You have entered a new realm with this one I think...
A few things~
I love how "The grand illusion" is the first line of the first and third stanza, but not the second...It works PERFECTLY I think...I love it.."Of mountains rest" just got me..
The second stanza is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I couldn't have said it better myself...It might be my favorite thing you've written...Although, Gentle Spirit was fantastic too...They're about equal in my opinion...
In the third stanza, since you said "shedding HIS vile skin", the next line, "itself" feels like it should be "himself"...Do you agree, or am I seeing that wrong?
Someone else might say it's jumbled...I say it's the essence of poetry.
Awesome work...Honestly...It's a 10.
I see you, brother.
BRANDON
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interesting mixed metaphors in the first stanza,
The grand illusion...
never more visible
an illusion an eye in the mist yet the next stanza delightful imagery on the words of sleep
gold dust docks..
then the third maybe a carried on tormented dream or yet more illusion though i feel it real that creature slithering towards its prey
a lovley thoughtful poem
well done
white
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Very well done. The elusive imagery in this poem is compelling. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
Great job.
Mike
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Illusionary travels in three stanzas of fantasy,,,dreamland sleep some would say...but your final stanza, the illusion is real, the hare distracted is prey for the slithering snake....You create three pictures visually before us..Btilliant penning!
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I really like this Liam, but Im at work right now, and need to get to lunch. I promise to review when I get back.
Promise.
Love,
jin
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Jesus
What a stunning thing you've done here mate almost takes my breath away. Hmm...was it just a dream or a grand illusion?
"Cold hearted orb that rules the night...removes the colors from our sight...red is grey and yellow white...but we decide which is right and which is...an illusion. -c
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like a walk though Wonderland and Oz with your mind in Never-Never Land...
This is pretty deep stuff, and I'm too foggy-headed to make sense of it. I think it needs some adjustment - it's not quite right to your style of writing...something's missing. Then again, I could be wrong; but it's good to see you writing again!
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Oh wow, this is a feast for the mind. The third block of text really drove this all the way home. There is something just so raw and powerful about this. The snake and the hare...classic.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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