problematic

where are you?
why aren't you here?
i kind of miss
hearing your voice.
you know?
it's odd.
once you start caring about someone
you kind of think
that maybe,
just maybe,
you'll matter to them.
do i matter to you?
do you miss hearing my voice?
do you miss my smile?
my laugh?
feeling my arms wrap around you?
do you miss any of it?
i know i miss all of that abou tyou
and then some.
that night,
i actually thought you cared.
i thiought that
for once,
someone would treat me right.
i thought that
you would stay by my side
little did i know,
you were gone before the night was over
you gave me no indicator
that you would stay.
well,
you kind of did.
you took the one thing
i can never get back.
but,
somehow,
i'm not mad.
not at all.
i don't regret
one second of it.
actually,
that's a lie.
there's only one thing i regret.
i regret
not telling you that you mattered,
to me.
i regret
not telling you that you were special,
in my eyes.
i regret,
not telling you that i cared,
deep in my heart.
that's what i regret.
and i hope it's not too late.
i hope i get the opportunity to tell you.
someday.
i want to call you and tell you,
but i don't think this is what you want to hear.
you said you feel guilty about this.
don't.
i don't want you to.
not at all.
i want you to be happy,
with or without me.
but someday,
i'll tell you how i feel.
maybe you feel the same,
or maybe i'm just another girl.
i'm not sure.
i want to know,
but how do i ask?
well,
i already asked.
and you did answer,
i think.
i'm actually not real sure
what you said that day.
i couldn't stop looking at your eyes.
they looked confused
and i knew it was my fault.
it was my turn to feel guilty.
but,
i didn't.
how could i regret
what had made me feel so exceptional?
when you kissed me,
i swear my heart
hit the ceiling.
i felt as if
everything would be perfectly okay.
i hadn't felt that before,
until you kissed me.
when you held me,
i couldn't help but smile.
it all felt so right.
but,
now we're here in this place where
neither of us know what to say,
little alone what to do.
i'm not sure how to change this.
i want to be with you,
but not for a few weeks or a few months,
but for so much longer.
i want it to be real.
i want us to work,
but how can we work
when we can't face the other?
i don't know.
i want to know what you're thinking
about this...
about me.
am i allowed to do that?
could you please tell me
because i'm not sure anymore.
i just don't know.
do you care about me?
more importantly,
can you grow to care about me?
i hope so.
if not,
i wish you'd just tell me that.
it'd be easier than this.
anything would be easier
than this limbo we're in.