Reincarnated

Thoughts go round and round  in my head
Like the clattering of a train.
click clack, click, clack,
and then the blaring light
brings me back again

A hidden memory flirts
at the edge of my recollection
straining to return
the wind picks up,
blows my hair,
and the hairs on my neck
stand on end.

The little girl in the red dress
parades on by with her
high pitched voice
and it slams into me,
this thought that I
would rather supress...

He's in front of me,
My protector,
a man stands behind him
the gun is raised,
It's the Holocaust
and his reassuring smile,
this rescuer of mine
still haunts me to this day,
because of him,
I lived to be here,
yet again,
today.

I wish I could thank him,
to let him know he didn't have
to die to save me,
but in my heart I know
he wouldn't have had it
any other way,
even though I died just three
days later.

So I'm here, and there
are other things that are hard
for me to stomach.

I still can't stand the thought of a gun,
the sound of German makes my
stomach roll,
even more so than the knowledge
that I know what they are saying
when I really shouldn't, since there
was only that year of german I took
in High school...


I still can't read Ann Frank
without seeing the inside of a gas chamber,
Nor can I watch Schindler's list
without crying hysterically.

They say our past is what shapes us,
it's what makes us stronger....
But I still have my doubts that
being killed as a child
is something I want to remember.