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Forbidden Love

Forbidden love; it's not that cute;
you're deceiving the ones that believe in you to tell the truth.
You're living in a lie thinking you'll get by with a simple secret.
Is it worth the trouble,
when you'll be nailed double when you get caught?
And you'll be found out,
there's no doubt in my mind
because you can't blindside everyone who loves you there's just no way
when you get up to face the wrong direction each day,
can you deal with the shame
of protecting your name against the truths of the word?
Oh, where did you go so wrong..
And you'll be asking along,
when you take a second thinking what your motives are for,
if it's not the right reasons leave the guilt at the door
but take with you a lesson,
that there's no messing with authority
once you get that through your mind you'll have clarity
on the right thing to do
but I think you already know,
still you haven't let go
to your sinful nature your rebellion, your pride,
ask God to help have a look inside,
now that's only the start. For the narrow road,
it'll lighten your load,
it'll sure pay off in the end.
But it's not that moment yet,
you have a long way to go.
You reap what you sow and the longer you push sin off,
the damage will grow.
Until you're numb and you succumb to the world,
that's a bad place to be
the sooner the better you'll see,
what God is telling you to do,
truth is I'm surprised by you,
you always act so put together
but when it's put to the test you're as strong as a feather.
You're severed.
Forbidden love; it's not that cute.

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with the person below me.
    It needs stanzas cause it's hard to focus on it.
    Thanks for entering and good luck
    xoxo.


  • rainbows. gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    It really needs stanzes. I found it hard to keep myself concentrated on the poem as I read it. Thank-you for entering this contest. Good luck.


  • Antebellum
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Needs stanzas.
    It was hard to keep focused trying to read it. it seemed clumped together.
    thanks for entering
    good luck


  • SizzyFid
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    This was a little heavy, structure-wise, as the lines kinda just poured downwards. Perhaps try some kind of form, or just spacing the lines out a bit more?

    I like your use of internal rhyme, and it was nice to see a different take on "forbidden love", rather than just a description of how exactly it was forbidden.

    Yes, yes, I like this. Come to the next round, you're in the finalists.

    Congrats! x


  • xeroabyss II
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    I am most curious as to what this forbidden love entails.


  • jessifer1792
    April 7
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad... Kind of scattered?


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely poem, but hard to read; have you considered spacing the lines out?

    Thanks for entering and good luck!!

    Maria

  • Writing0Freedom
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    Put your prompt in AN and seperate out the lines a bit. Is this a pose poem? because my contest is asking for poetry- but prose poems are fine.
    I can't judge till you put your prompt in AN and maybe seperate out lines

    • Writing0Freedom
      April 2
      Edit | Reply
      Put your option in your AN

      • Writing0Freedom
        April 2
        Edit | Reply
        Also- you were supposed to ask me if you wanted to enter PW. Why in particular did this need to be a PW or why did it fit my contest? Which was what you were supposed to message and tell me


  • dybiw16
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked the little internal rhymes in this - a nice write but i would have preffered the layout to be a little easier to read. well done!


  • ennovy silver member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Emotional Write

    I see so much wisdom in these words of life, and the concept of this piece paints pure piety...You have give all who read this a part of your very dynamic mind....God bless you for being wise.....Novy


  • Riftkin gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Nice and truly interesting.. Wonder how many will really see more
    in your words than they wish to even admit.

    Thank you for entering this in my contest.
    I enjoyed reading about what you were thinking.

    Riftkin


  • Just-Meghan
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    good job
    thanks for entering
    meghan


  • Nam
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I almost removed this. I do not like to read things in paragrah form (well, modern works anyway) which is why I asked for only poems for my contest. The rhyming is okay, the rhythm (with the rhyming) moves well from one line to the next. A nice poem.

    -Nam


  • Heavenly Angel gold member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Well done
    Very good message you have within the lines of your piece
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being part of the contest

  • Angelshadow
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem

1 - 17 of 17