Deep in my chest.
A heavy heart,
An aching breast.
Pulling so hard
I can hardly breathe.
Choking.
Author notes
lately my poems are not very good........ help?
hey, no fear, say what you like.
Comments
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i like the entier thing mostly the end "will w this earthly test?" the million dollar question
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not working for me
To begin, lose the question marks. This reads like a diary entry or a conversation between friends. Next, imagery is the key to a good poem.as many a good English teacher has said, show us, don't tell us.I find myself wanting to know why you're hurting, otherwise why should we as readers care? My opinion, scrap this and try again. Keep writing and be well. -
It's an interesting piece you have here but it seems to be lacking that gut-wrenching twist I was anticipating. The poem builds and then leaves off with a reference to suicide but it doesn't hit hard; it limps in. Also something to play with is the punctuation. If you removed it, it could help induce in the reader a sense of panic as there would be no breaks in the work. However, I can see how an argument could be made in the opposite direction. I hope this helps!
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