Just hanging around, you ask whats going down. I grab a seat say nothing new. How about you? We take a drink, lasts longer than we think. Wrapped up in the conversation, we keep them waiting. They say look at those two, being together again. We try to explain we're just friends. They don't buy it. We look at each other, roll our eyes, express our irritation with sighs. He wants to talk more, we meet at the door. Flashlight tag is such a drag. He asks me to hide with him, we get in our positions; hope we never get found. Were behind a dumpster, oh joy. It smells really bad like soy. He starts to make a move, behind some trash oh how smooth. That's Josh for you. When he asked me to come and hide with him, instead of being so vague, he should have said.
Are you ready for a big surprise, because you are gonna get hypnotized, when you look in my eyes. Are you ready to tell all, be strong as I watch you fall into your feelings. Are you ready for something more. If not who are you waiting for. Tell me the truth. Are you ready to blush like crazy, while I tell you youre beautiful. I see your soul. Are you ready to take a chance, if were gonna have romance, you might have to. And the most important thing he should have said, compared to this the other words are dead, was are you ready to love me.
He goes through the past, comparing every girl to his last. I don't need to hear this. Then he looks at me, asking hows your love life. That question is like a knife, because I dont have one. He gets all the girls, only picks the pearls, not the worthless. And to such an amazing guy like him, I'm not a big prize to win. Im just Jenny. But he picked me, just like I picked him. I'm so amazed, I can hardly breathe, part of me wants to leave, but the stronger part wants me to stay, and it gets its way. Now without a delay, hes telling me just how he feels, it doesnt seem real. Now thinking about it for the first time, when he asked me to follow some time ago, he should have told me so that I would know, he should have said.
Are you ready for a big surprise, because you are gonna get hypnotized, when you look in my eyes. Are you ready to tell all, be strong as I watch you fall into your feelings. Are you ready for something more. If not who are you waiting for. Tell me the truth. Are you ready to blush like crazy, while I tell you youre beautiful. I see your soul. Are you ready to take a chance, if were gonna have romance, you might have to. And the most important thing he should have said, compared to this the other words are dead, was are you ready to love me. Yes Im ready to love you.
Author notes
Second write. 
In a list
- Classic Rock Poetry group list • next in list
- Calling all lyric writers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Show Me What You've Got! by SpeakLove93.
600 points, ended May 5, 84 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Be Put On My Favorites List by Ted E Bare.
400 points, ended October 15, 249 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Ages 14 and under: YOUR VICTORY DANCE! by Sky Prince Ireland.
400 points, ended July 17, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - never forget. by samantha jean.
700 points, ended September 9, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions and Bronze Award Poems Contest! ^^ by MJ Forgives.
900 points, ended September 11, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - bronze III by Salty Hibiscus.
400 points, ended August 27, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This [Love] is Taking All of My Energy by Crazy-Love.
1050 points, ended September 7, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The First Poem you've ever written by Tqop.
550 points, ended September 8, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - About Your Paramour by AshesFromFire.
850 points, ended October 4, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - After That I Was Never The Same by Budart.
1500 points, ended October 14, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep, Dark and Lovely by Shantti.
400 points, ended October 6, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories by x0charlie-redhead0x.
1000 points, ended October 16, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 96 of 96
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this sounds like lyrics!! thats the first thing i thought. its pretty much amazing. LOVE IT!
thanks for entering
charlie -
Boy! this poem is pretty powerful. I can hear your youth and innocence screaming at me like you were in the other room. GOOD WORK. Very honest. Having said that from a technical point, the rhyming makes the whole thing read like a nursery rhyme, very sing song, which in my opinion under cuts the drama of the piece.
On a personnel note let me say in no uncertain terms that every boy who is nice to you is NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! This guy in particular sounds like a player who just wants to get into your pants. (They all do at your age). I am no puritan in sexual matters. it is fine to experiment but don't confuse this with love. Use birth control for God sake and recognize your own power and desirability. YOU! get to call the shots don't do anything just to please someone else. If you are going to do something do it because you want to. Thank you for your attention. I will be quiet now.
Good Luck
PS
If I were your father I would lock you in a closet until you turn twenty five
You have all my best wishes at this difficult time in your life. -
Nice
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I took me a few to get use to the prose style... but once I did, I really started to get into it. It is a very intriguing write... which, for me, does fulfill the criteria of the contest. Ah, those special moments going from childhood to adult. Nicely put together.
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How lovely. Thanks for your entry.
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Beautiful write! I really enjoyed this one! My favorite line was "...be strong as I watch you fall into your feelings" It just stuck out to me.
Thank you for entering & Good Luck!
Crazy-Love♥ -
Wow I like it. I don't understand why people are being so harsh about this poem but then again everyone has a right to thier own opinion. Anyway this poem reminds of things that had happened to me in the beginning of the year. I love your poem and I hope you do well in my contest.
-Jess
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Thanks for entering and good luck!
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wow...did u ever think about writing song lyrics??
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mmm
i really like this you words and the story remind me of another friend on this site. i think lots of these comments are by prejudiced people who think they are real poets and think you cant be this good at your age..i think it is superb..i bet if you changed your age you would get lots of positive comments..keep well
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ok, it was a fantastic attempt , and i really enjoyed it but i do agree wit the last critique, thre rhyming seems forced in some places and it does make the piece quite difficult to real. With a few cranks in the right places it has a lot of potential to be an amazing write. Although, i am stuck between whether it is a poem or a story? I think you need to look at this again, and see what you can edit. Thanks for entering it and it was good, i dont mean to critisice your work but sometimes a bit of a critical comment will make you look at it again, please look at it again and see what you can d o to it, because i do think it has a lot of potential.
good luck in my contest
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This kind of jumps back and forth, with some parts rhyming and some not. It makes this piece flow very awkwardly.
Also, from the beginning to the end it kind of seems like two completely different poems.
I think this has a lot of potential, but the rhyming threw me off.
Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest. -
This has been entered into a lot of contests
I really liked this to be honest. It was a mix between a poem, a story and could also be lyrics in my opinion.
The only thing I suggest is making each paragraph shorter.
Or turning them into separate stanzas
But thats just my opinion
Good luck in my contest
xoxo. -
Woah! Look how many contests you entered this into! LOL You're contest crazy.
This is cool how you described the set-up when you could feel the others observing that there was more going on. Then you pretended to do the flashlight tag ("it's such a drag") then hid behind the trash (yeah real smooth Josh lol). I like the way this flows along girl!
Paul
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I wasn't able to write anything. By the looks of it, it was long yet very lyrical. But my brain is hurting from all of the reading. GL in the contest.
Dax
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this poem is a piece of shit
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Hey don't hold back tell us what you REALLY feel! LOL
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Long, i must say and very strange. Quite interesting. Very lyrical as many put it. Good luck in my contest.
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this is indeed a song, well done, thank you for entering
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I like it, strange and unique, my style. Thank you.
~Oka -
I agree. its does sound very lyrical.
thanks for entering. good luck in my contest. -
I like it! It's got a lyrical rhythm to it like a song. If set to music it would be fast and be fun to dance to. Kudos!
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good
Good lord, you've entered this in countless contests. It must be one of your favorites. Well written. Thanks for entering; good luck.
Brian -
Thank you for your Entry
You have great language skills, interesting rhyme used too. I found it a little rambling, and my attention wandered. None the less it was a well done piece.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
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Thanks for entering && Good luck
[if you end up a finalist I'll leave a more detailed comment] -
I rather liked this. I usually dislike the prose poetry style but you made it work and work well. A great story and well told.
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" Are you ready to take a chance, if were gonna have romance, you might have to. And the most important thing he should have said, compared to this the other words are dead, was are you ready to love me. Yes Im ready to love you."
These are my favourite lines! I think you should add paragraphs and give each line its own line. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
-heva ♫
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Second read! Great write again! Good luck again!
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dam that is good!!
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hahah nice
i loved it! it was great, i thats ALOT of contest lol. i really like this one, i like how it makes me remember hanging out with the guy i like- before it got akward of course lol
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This is really nice. The rhyme was great and you told a great story. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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oh this is so cute! i can seriously see it all happening! thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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You told this story really well, had me hooked to the end. I like the way you conveyed the emotion. I also liked how you sort of used the same paragraph again only it's a little different. Great write. Good luck in the all the contests.
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Good poems from a good soul.
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In Love, Way to go. So far i love yours. Keep on writing. our doing good. Strike to your goal.
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I'm in love with this piece. I am very sorry that it wasn't what I was looking for in this contest but still the flow, structure all amazing. Well done!
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Wonderful
Full of feeling. Clever structure.
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wow, you really poured a rich poem out of your heart right here. i love it, so beautiful, so creative, so...you. You have a few writing errors that you could correct, but i'm not going to drag an amazing poem down because of that. This is marvelous from such a young writer.
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This one didn't rock for me like the last one I read from you, but nice try with it. Congrats on getting Bronze with it as someone took a liking to it and that's the great thing about poetry, it's just like art; in the eye of the beholder. I want to thank you for your entry into the following contest: "To Be Put On My Favorites List."
Ted E -
this is rly good! i love it! ^^
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Way too long for my taste but good luck in your thousands of other contests... lol. Thank you for entering you have a true talent. -
Judge's Verdict
this was a very interesting story, but I would like to see more feelings, more emotions. Thank you for entering and good luck. -
i don't agree with the other critics.i think this one is amazing and so deep. please keep writing more
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no, sorry.
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This was awesome. I really enjoyed it. It flows very well and it's just beautiful. Good luck and thank you for entering my contest.
~Kayla
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no, sorry
please wait for the other judge to comment -
wow
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Enticing :D
Very enticing
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Amazing
This was really great. The words flow like river and sound great. I was sucked in to this and couldn't stop reading. You really are gifted. Keep up the good writes.
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very nice, Jenny. I would have liked a bit more dialogue but it was good. Maybe more action, like he placed his hand upon my hand and our lives intertwined." More action and the emotion that follows it. Great write.
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what can I say?
From a 14 year old....very eloquent, succint and well beyond your years. Impressive, I love that line
"He gets all the girls, only picks the pearls."
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standing Ovation
First, thanks so much for sharing your beautiful talent. My favorite line was:
He gets all the girls, only picks the pearls.
That was awesome. Great job Jenny.
Evemauy
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Wow, you entered this into a lot of contests!
very nice poem. I'm not used to reading poems formatted like that, but it wasn't disappoiting. I liked the story it had, good work. Thank you for posting.
-Savannah
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great job and I love the rhyming.This is a wonderful write and good luck in the contest.
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This is a great piece of work. Some of the rhymes seemed forced at times however other parts were beautiful. I love the lines
Are you ready for a big surprise, because you are gonna get hypnotized, when you look in my eyes. Are you ready to tell all, be strong as I watch you fall into your feelings. Are you ready for something more. If you're who are you waiting for. Tell me the truth. Are you ready to blush like crazy, while I tell you youre beautiful. I see your soul. Are you ready to take a chance, if were gonna have romance, you might have to. And the most important thing he should have said, compared to this the other words are dead, was are you ready to love me.
Over all I enjoyed the poem even though it was a little on the long side.
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Hi,
I really enjoyed this piece but I do wish it could have been a bit shorter? You did a good job though.
Thanks for your entry,
Kari -
great
I really like this, it definatley has godd description, you seem to be a very talented writer. -
Intresting. I liked it. Well written and romantic. It is a good poem. Bravo.
Thanks for the entry.
Kathryn -
that was so romantic
i just simply loved the whole thing it made me cry i loved the second paragraph. again ever so romantic.... sweet too
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thats really good.. if you dont mind me asking did that acually happen?
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Yeah, it did. He didn't say those exact words, I kinda exaggerated it a little bit, but it did.
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Sorry but I have to remove this due to the rhyming, feel free to enter one that doesn't.
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This is a lovely lyrical write, but unfortunately I must agree with my fellow judges. It doesn't qualify... It's still wonderful though, and I'd like to encourage you to keep on writing, you are talented.
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Sorry but I have to agree with my other judges here...This is a contest for people who wrote for National Poetry Month (napomo) in April. You were to enter your best short write written for napomo and as this was written in March as well as being extremely long it does not qualify for this contest but I wish you well in your other endeavors.
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As this was written in march, I am sorry but does not qualify for this contest
It needs to have been written during National Poetry Month(April)
Best wishes in the other contests you have placed this is.
Gaylene
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Delicious!
What rhymes! So delicious to savor the lines! -
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So delicious to savor the plot,
especially the crazy thought
of u loving me
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its a little lyrical. your structure choice (the prose) took a lot away from it. the little repeated part was a little weak, kind of cliche.
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My first impressions were, hmm... a story? But the rhyme and flow were great, so this was definitely a good poem to read. Kept my interest too, despite it's length, which, because of the flow, was hardly noticed once reading. A lovely tale, nicely written with a good, solid ending.
David.
P.S. I am sure the Almighty Mongoose appreciates this very much. Love and humour are his favourite kind of poems!
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My requirements were no poems that had won anything previously and this won a bronze at some point. Sorry about that, but thanks anyway.
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this is very good.
Something like this, I really wouldn't read normally but it just pulled me. I'm usually very lazy and won't read all of it but this is a really easy read. surprisingly flowy LOL. Great job. And I totally get it. Except, he always picks the trash (in my case). And remember you are a pearl. Jesus chose you and made you so.
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This is so awesome! It sounds just like a song. This is amazing! I totally love this!
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Wow. You know what? This is really cool! It sounds like song lyrics and like the story of the average teenage girl. We all have those moments where something unbelieveable happens and it's just a complete surprise. I really liked how open this feels. Like you just opened your heart and dumped everything out into a bowl so that everyone could stare down in it and dip their fingers into it and swirl it around to see it all flow together. I thought this was really great.
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Beautiful story of the complexity of romance. I say story because although it rhymes it is in prose format. Have you thought about trying:
"Just hanging around
You ask what's going down." and so on (just an idea)
Good work!
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wow, honestly I was skeptical about whether I'd like it because of the way it was set up, in paragraphs and everything but I absolutely love it. It sounds like a beautiful dream. The story is a bit clique but the words and the way it's told make it totally original and amazingly special.
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Haha
Im not sure I can say anything that hasn't already been said, so I won't try
. It's almost like you open up a little part of your heart and let us in to see what your all about.
Very Cute, and the way it plays out in your mind makes it that much more enjoying. Thank you Mis Jenny.
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This is very awesome, and so honest, BRAVO!
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Thanks for entering.
Good luck.
Brian -
I like the rhyme in this. I thought at first that it was a story, but instead it turned out to be a poem without form. I like this very much!
The content seems familiar, a boy and a girl, and the boy makes his move. Perhaps he could have found a better place, don't you think? Oh, and you're not just Jenny, you're Jenny!!! You're an incredible and sweet girl with great talent. You're much, much more than just Jenny! Great piece, my new friend. Hugs, Patricia
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i am so jealous of your talent!!!!!!!! the transitions are smooth and at the same time VERY strong
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Your writing is fantastic, I can only imagine what your writing will be like in the future. Great job.
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Awwwww...this is so adorable! Good, job, Jenny!
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wow very long.... maybe turn in into a prose or something to make it look more interesting..
I really liked rhyme to this though. -
Jenny,
It had great flow and rhythm, but it just needs those mechanics worked on again. Like the last one, I can see a stanza, line by line form and we need to work on punctuation.
Once you get it down... WATCH OUT WORLD! Jenny will knock 'em dead with her thoughts! Keep the ink flowing.
~Donna~
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Precious, thank you for entering
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"Were behind a dumpster, oh joy." The Were should of been We were
"If youre who are you waiting for." youre should be YOU are or you're
\
I like the internal rhyme scheme it was well written and full of emotion. I hope you have truly found someone that you can care for and that cares for you. Thank you for sharing. -
Wow this is really great. I enjoyed the poem/story. Very well done. I could read it more then once. Thank you for sharing such an amazing write.
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Hey Honey i love it. It's great.
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You surely can weave an awesome story! A story that you could sing!!!
Thanks so much for sharing it here too Jenny Rose!
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aww I love it this is so real and so loving and sweet. I love romance and true romance at that. This is beautiful and wonderful. What a lovely and incredible piece my friend. I hope the best for you both and that this relationship will continue to blossom and grow!!!!!!! This piece is so deep and powerful. Your words are amazing and the flow is marvelous. I truly enjoyed reading this piece!!!!! May God Bless you both!!!!!!! Much Love!!!!!!
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love it. i real li ke this part
"Are you ready for a big surprise, because you are gonna get hypnotized, when you look in my eyes. Are you ready to tell all, be strong as I watch you fall into your feelings. Are you ready for something more. If youre who are you waiting for. Tell me the truth. Are you ready to blush like crazy, while I tell you youre beautiful. I see your soul. Are you ready to take a chance, if were gonna have romance, you might have to. And the most important thing he should have said, compared to this the other words are dead, was are you ready to love me. Yes Im ready to love you."
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interisting and beautiful some great emotion I really like this one.
The Positives:
wonderfully written I thought it was fasinating and beautiful great job
The Negatives:
Nothing that I see great job
My Favorite Part:
He goes through the past, comparing every girl to his last. I don't need to hear this. Then he looks at me, asking hows your love life. That question is like a knife, because I dont have one. He gets all the girls, only picks the pearls, not the worthless. And to such an amazing guy like him, I'm not a big prize to win. Im just Jenny. But he picked me, just like I picked him. I'm so amazed, I can hardly breathe, part of me wants to leave, but the stronger part wants me to stay, and it gets its way. Now without a delay, hes telling me just how he feels, it doesnt seem real. Now thinking about it for the first time, when he asked me to follow some time ago, he should have told me so that I would know, he should have said.
This part was just plain amusing I really liked it you did an awesome job.
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Beautifuly Done
I truly love this piece. I love how easily you expressed how it seemed so impossible to be the one he set his gaze upon. I have felt a feeling much the same. Love is an amazingly strong power. And you show it clearly through your words. Nice job and thank you for entering! -
i agree with some words being awkward. but overall i love how you told a story and stuck to rhyme i really did a great job, i also love how you expressed each in a scene as if a play. very well done
thanks for entering -
Interesting write. There were a few places where the words were awkward, but not too many to take away from the poem. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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I love this. It has a very story type feel to it. Very lyrical too. I love the repetition that you use. Good write. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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