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Look me in the eye

Look me in the eye and tell me that you love me. Swear on your life that you won't put one above me. You're the only thing I have so I want to know it's true. Happiness strikes when you least expect it. Not even searching and there you come around, you've been found. But before you and me, I want to know the things you'll do, to keep me falling for you, the things you'll say, to get me through the day, the way you'll act, will you make sure I'm intact, when you take me on you take everything, I'm not leaving parts behind, if you are mine.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • SweetRoses
    November 22
    ?
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    This is very nicely written. Very expressive and deep.


  • awannabepoet
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is very much a strong write, having read your later work first this makes sense to me now but I don't know for sure whom it refers too but the feelings are genuine indeed.

    Thank you for sharing this poem with us.


  • Vampyric Aurora
    July 9

    Edit | Reply

    Short and Sweet

    Great write here. You express your feelings towards the person who you like and explain that you want them to feel the same or else it would hurt you. You did a great job here.

    ~Nicky


  • Tainted Kunoichi
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    <3


  • nobodys-girl
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    oh this is just beautiful! so sweet and it has a touch of innocence to it. i loved it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • Jamzine
    June 24
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    thx for entering


  • xDreamKeeperx
    June 21
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    deep... great!


  • splinteroflight.
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    :]

    i agree with pain is love, the ease of this poem is incredible!
    the last line simply melted my heart,
    good luck! xo


  • pain is love.
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    I like the flow and ease of this poem. I think it would be better if it were free verse but that is just by opinon it is just fine how it is. I can really feel the amotion! Good job and thank you for your entery.

  • Sky Prince Ireland gold member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem. However this doesn't fit the topic for the contest. I want poems about things you can do or trying to accomplish. This poem is more about something personal which is what I'm not looking for so I'll have to disqualify this. You can enter something else.
    Brian


  • XxTaintedRainxX
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is rather good but, my friend angellica listens to the Jonas brothers and this remeinds me of one of their songs.


  • BluRosePoet8488
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Jenny,
    This is a great start. You definitely have the gift to write. We just need to work on the mechanics.
    I will IM you with my suggestions fopr this particular poem. Keep the ink flowing and don't give up!
    ~Donna~


  • Darkmoon
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Pretty good! But needs some work! Work on it a bit, put each sentance on a different line and there, Perfect! Keep it up and thenks for the entry.


  • trekkergirl
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    okay you have a few things that I would change. First off this needs to be put into either stanza's or paragraphs. The reader needs places to be able to pause and think about what they have just read. To ingest all the words, emotions, and imagery that you have used.

    The second is simply check for wrong words used. In this I noticed you used find instead of found.

    The emotions and thoughts are there.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. It was well written.

  • desertwhispers
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    You poured your soul right onto the page with this one.
    Yes indeed, lots of emotion and beautiful work.

    Michelle


  • Kathraina silver member
    April 15

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    Wow, there is so much said here.
    Beautiful write, great emotion invoked here!
    Bravo!!!


    ♥ Kate


  • SanitZdFreedom
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    Love that! Its sooooo true! Exactly how I feel, touched it, exactly!


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    Nice write Jenny!


  • HereComesTheSun
    April 9

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    this was so true and strong with emotion, i love how you lay it out for the person and tell them right off the bat how you want this to play out. great job with expression
    thanks for entering


  • Umi Juvariel
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was great, but I think if you spaced it out into stanzas, it would be even better. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 8

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    I can relate so much to this feeling, so much in fact it nearly brings me to tears I know the hurt and how hard it is to trust, believe me. Beautifully said.


  • Darkwell
    April 7
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    i love this its almost like a free verse but it has great rhyme to it too. i hear this like a piano ballad but with almost soft rave in the back if that makes sense.

    when you take me on you take everything, I'm not leaving parts behind, if you are mine.

    i just loooooove that part. stellar

    oh, i think the word "find" wants to be "found", my brain filled it in as found


  • Sokarjo
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry. This is a well-written piece, but I don't see anything to do with storms or rain. Thanks for entering anyway.

    S

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