Soft voiced woman you bring the bright dawn
You bring the stars around the scattered sky
All the glimmering stars bright and beautiful
Charming the earth with faint dawn
Bright voiced nightingales will sing
All the long night in sweet echoes
Softly touching our hearts with love
Time spins us away as Eros burns us
With a flaming arrow shot from heaven
On a soft bed we satisfied burning delight
Eros brought our lissome limbs together
Held us spellbound with his golden lyre
Sweet are the embraces of smooth thighs
Lovely is the shimmering tender flesh
Spinning in our love making for the goddess
This love is beautiful is so beautiful to see
The flame is bright and alive
Our passion moves on love’s rhythms
Fiercely burns the joyfire in our souls
As lover’s fervor consumes our bodies
A contest entry
- Sensually Yours by jul.
700 points, ended April 2, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Simply an amazing work of art! Wow!! Such a sensual, loving piece. Best wishes to you. Thanks for entering my contest.
Jul
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Tender and with a mounting promise of passion...
This write brings it! I like very much the entwining of Goddess and fire to rhythm and bird song.
If I may, there are a few areas where word tense
needs attention:
"Bright voice nightingales" to voiced
"soft bed we satisfied the burning delight"
to satisfy and I would omit 'the'
"Fiercely burns the joyfire in our souls"
to fierce and again, drop "the"
Two other minor suggestions I wish to share~
"Fiercely burns the joyfire in our souls
As lover’s fire consumes our bodies"
where the dual use of fire steals some of
your ending impact. Consider changing the
second "fire" to flame or another synonym?
Also,
"This love is beautiful is beautiful to see"
needs a retouch due to "is beautiful"
Possibly: "This love is beautiful, so beautiful to see" ?
Whenever I visit your writes, I find a tender provocativeness that draws a reader down the
page while speaking in sincere "in the moment"
tones. That is more difficult to convey then
many can imagine. I hope you find my suggestions
a bit useful. I only hope to encourage such beauty.
Blue
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Blessed be Love...how you bring forth the beauty of the sweetest gift of our precious Goddess. Her words seem to flow from you with such tenderness and sensuality. It is a blessed gift to be given...She chose well when enchanting your pen!!!
)o(
Blessed be Darling~
~Azlyn~
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I don't know how you keep coming up with these love filled, sensual masterpieces. This is another write which brings out the soft passionate impulses. Well done...alby
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You truly know how to make a woman sigh with such wonderment. Your words always capturing me and enticing. Always wanting more.
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