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Intently Intimate

Cascading, Crashing. Charming.
Clashing. Failing, fleeting. Faster
Harrowing heat rising rushing.
Regaining steam simultaneously.
Scratching, clawing. Climax

Author notes

I just now wrote this. Sorry if its just a jumble of words

How was this one??

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Exit-Stage-Right
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... GERUND ABUSE! BEEP... BEEP... BEEP... GERUND ABUSE! ... ALARM!!!

    (but I did sorta like it )


  • Linrose
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    This one tired me out just reading it! lol I know that you wanted to be sure that we noted the alliteration in your poem ;-), but perhaps a few non-alliterative pauses/interjections would help us breathe through your "harrowing heat(ed)" exercise to its "clawing climax"...lol You wanted constructive criticism (more alliteration!), and I hope I wasn't too hellishly harsh! Ok, now for my "raw reaction"...I loved it...in fact, you might even wish to add the word "seething" after "Scratching" ;-).

    Linda


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    Wow a veritable sensual adjective smorgasbord here.


  • Twilit Wolf Era
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    Describes us perfectly wifey!

1 - 9 of 9