Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Not Alright

Pale skin,
thin Lips,
barely there stomach,
completely anorexic,
suicidal, in denial,
of what's happening to her,
thinking she's o.k., she's alright,
getting in fights,
no father,
a spiteful, abusing mother,
boyfriend who only wants to hurt her,
she's not o.k., not alright, this is for sure,
a rainy, stormy night,
she can't take it anymore,
she runs to her room and grabs pencil and paper,
writes:
"i thought i was alright,
I'm not,
if i had a gun i would have taken a shot,
since i don't a kitchen knife will do,
adieu"
pulls the knife out of her pocket,
it had already cut into her thigh,
takes it to her wrist and lets out a brave sigh,
slashes and falls,
though all and all,
she's finally o.k., she's finally alright

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • tears.of.silence
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I think with a little more filling this poem could be great. You've done an excellent job. You've made a 42 on this poem. Your two poem score is an 82. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you. Kahy


  • BrokenHeartsInVain
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    It's a great poem, but the rhyming does seem a bit forced. Also, you might want to consider using proper capitalization. 'i' should be 'I'.
    Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. ♥


  • SoundsOfSilence
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good write, and I disagree with the previous comment. I believe that people who are abused, and were abused, follow this mindset, no matter to the fact they do not care for themselves. It is really hard to care for yourself, when you are told you are worth nothing for a bit. When no one shows the care...
    I think this is a strong write, a strong good creative write.
    Congrats... You made finals.


  • Umi Juvariel
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    People who don't take care of themselves usually do end up following this path. But, lack of self-love and self-respect are common, so this was a great write to deter people. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, very emotional write. This is tragic; beautifully written but very sad.


  • StarEyes
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    One can feel the emotions in this one! Wow! What a great job you did on this one!


    Best of luck in all the contest!!!

1 - 6 of 6