Perse stars swing under birches bright
in the hour of Orion, when the world is hushed.
But the pearl strings break and
maidens relinquish solstice monotony
for sepia lovers braced in Victorian iron.
In preliminary fall, in arches grandiose
the skyline is their entrance of sophistication,
Beauty cast in softest aqua,
cluttered hand in hand,
reflections of reflections,
rudimentary cycle till the world is belittled
and the symphony created is set in motion,
by what is to presume fractured celestial smiles,
often of too strong, too playful nature
that humans it frightens amidst the December city garden.
A contest entry
- Embracing The Legend of The Blue Lamp by The Blue Lamp Post.
2733 points, ended April 19, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I found the opening two lines set an intoxicating atmosphere, one that calls to be explored.
Stars are evident all through with such terms as
"solstice, clutter, celestial". This echoes the
"strings" brought forth in the opening stanza.
Your title which is repeated in the ending is
intriguing. I like what can be conjured from such
a phrase. It seems mortality has somehow overwhelmed the divinity previously so secure
in its higher place.
"by what is to presume fractured celestial smiles,
often of too strong, too playful nature
that humans it frightens amidst the December city garden" felt a bit awkward as I reread and pondered what the verse is leaving me with.
I kept wanting to change tense a bit and tweak
the last line like so:
"by what is presumed fractured celestial smiles;
often too strong, too playful in nature
frightening humans amidst the December city garden"
There is much imagery here and as I've stated,
the title is a visionary phrase, very appealing in
its nuances. Blue
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You have made lovely use of this word bank.
I questions symphony crated as perhaps symphony created? Yet 'crated' sends me in a different directions and not a bad one either. Rather unique.
Thank you for a lovely entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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It was supposed to be created and even though I used a spell checker I managed to get a mistake. So me. Thank you for the feedback and for liking my poem.
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