Annihilated body,
inflicted embodiment,
tortured mass - worse than carcass
and yet -
in the pristine hours of dawning sky
she bears all stings and thrives.
Curbed feelings,
drenched desires,
consumed emotions - poisonous than potions
and yet -
braving the dazzling ablaze
she bears all stings and survives.
Eyes implore,
hands beseech,
lips can't utter - they've forgotten to mutter
and yet
beneath the myriad of dusky hues
she bears all stings and strives.
Liberated mind,
invincible spirit,
inviolable soul - irrepressibly stroll
in the star studded moonlit night
she spreads her wings and flies.
Author notes
POM contest
Theme - bondage attains freedom.............
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear & Judges by Arkbear.
2000 points, ended June 20, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This needs a few more Yellow Guys clapping
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Hey Bear.....a big hug for you!!! thanks dear so much... i feeel soooooooooo happy.. and this really inspires me to do better next time..... words are not enough... i m happy today!!!!!
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Being happy is what it's all about
Don't be a Stranger!
Blessings,
Bear - -
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Thank you for your entry! Congrats on the Bronze!
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Thank you so much .... i feel really honored... am so happy today... this has really motivated me for writing more that i have not done for quite some time!!! thanks so much for all the painstaking efforts,.... to go thru every single poem with utmost dedication...
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Hi! Sorry, due to time constraints and needing to get these reviews done by 7:00 pm tonight, I’m going to get right to scoring your poem. Sorry
Title: 8.8 – I’m still sitting on the fence as to whether or not I’d click on this title. I think the exclamation points are overkill, and *might* indicate and amateurish write, which this does not appear to be. Just my opinion.
Flow: 9.7 – The flow was near perfect for me, but as Bear stated, those missing commas did make a difference in the course of the read.
Depth: 10 - Lovely
Theme: 9.8 – Definitely not original, but this one is penned to near perfection.
Feelings: 10 – Definitely itense and something I could relate well to. Nice job here!
Grammar: 10 - Niiiiice
Presentation: 9.85 - Nice rhyme. Repetition is very effective in this piece. Yes, some lines are, however, a little long.
Uncommonness: 9 – Unfortunately this is a common theme despite being penned brilliantly. I’ve scored you higher for that despite the fact that this is supposed to be judged strictly on the uniqueness of the theme
Sit & Ponder Affect: 9.85 – Made me ponder my own life, past and present. Great job!
Ability to Follow Rules: 10 – YAY!
Kim’s score: 97.0
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thanks Kim so very much... i am being honest when i say that it really means a lot to win a bronze in teh POM contest.. thanks for all your efforts........ i really appreciate it!!! lots of love....
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Hello & welcome to POM!
Beautifully dark imagery fill this write, with each stanza shining a gleam of hope.
At first, I wasn't sure what to make of this piece, as I read your author's note & wasn't sure if by "bondage attains freedom" you meant the alternative lifestyle or abuse --
which, in themselves, both bring harm to ones' body and soul. If your theme means the lifestyle, then this is deeper than I can fathom... However, if it means abuse, then I do understand her freedom in the morning when her abuser leaves for work. Either way, I'm not sure how bondage attains freedom ("To succeed in a directed effort, process, or progression: attained to high office; eventually attained to wisdom." http://www.thefreedictionary.com/attains).
I took liberty in reading a few of your other poems and find this to most-likely be a personal write about abuse rather than lifestyle...
Your closing lines about the subject spreading her wings and flying -- while "cliche'" in a poem, it is something all those in abusive situations should do: escape, find freedom.
Thank you & best wishes in POM. My scores will be posted in the closing comments.
~ Tim
Please remember, no editing until after final judging. -
Hello Vibes -
*dawning sky.....COMMA.......-
*dazzling ablaze.....COMMA......-
*dusky hues.....COMMA.....-
*moonlit night....COMMA.....-
Now, this is ONLY my opinion....but I feel as though, if you had placed those COMMAS there, you would have slooooowed me...( the Reader ) down a tad more to enjoy such an elegant Tone -
I am caught between saying....gorgeous, or simply stunning & sensual.........ok, I'll say all three
I have missed your talent vibes.......you bring so much to the contests which I Host or Judge.....or even compete in with you.....you are a fantastic Artist when your Quill is in your hand.....you paint beauty where it is least found......all I can say, is good luck & God bless....this shall do quite well I do believe -
You have other Judges coming behind me.....no editing once a Judge has touched your work........oops!...that would be me
Nice job!
Bear -
Title 9.95....had me curious...I would click on this Title....maybe....excellent choice after I read your write -
Flow 9.6....great Flow....but for me....those ( 4 ) missing COMMAS hindred your Poetic Tone -
Depth 10.. depth is superb....incredible insight with this Theme -
Theme 10....the Genre of this Theme is one I have seen so many times....however, when penned as gorgeous as this, you can pen about poop and I will give you Props......just ask Xianaria
-Feelings 9.95...dramatic and impossible to NOT be caught up -
Grammar 10.. nice grammatical choices... VERY impressed -
Presentation 9.85....format is a weeee bit lonnng in areas, but ironically, your Flow was good enough to give you this score -
Uncommonness...9.8...somewhat common, but sure is penned well and pulls me in -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.95...I did ponder....had to read it a few times....loved it -
Ability to follow Rules 10.0...nice job
-Bears Score: 99.1
Excellent as always
No editing once a Judge touches your work -
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"you can pen about poop and I will give you Props......just ask Xianaria - "
-- It was about people that fill their comments/writes with so many big words that you have no idea what the heck they're talking about, thank you!
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Thanks Bear for your critical review... you said you missed my poems...similarly i missed your comments and reviews.. because they have really helped me grow and mature.. and also made me realize how important punctuation and grammatical choices can be... a mistake in one poem is a mistake less in another one... thanks so much.... you made me smile today.. it feels nice to have come back after so long and hear something nice about your poem.. is kind of a morale booster!!!!
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you have a way of saying. The style is unique, shining all through the sober poem
All the best in the contest
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thanks ... glad u liked it..
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Yer welcome, Is this what I read last night, or was I drunker than I thought?
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Free at last! :)
Best wishes...
willow -
Hehe, great theme! very poetic piece, loved the words and imagery. Well done and good luck.
Floorboards.
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thanks floorboards... glad u liked it.. thanks for ur nice comment
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This is an interesting piece here I liked it not to fond of the title though best to you in the contest best wishes always be well.
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thanks u starz.... thanks for the applause
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Unique and interesting write!
Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on!
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thank u.....
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Trial by pain. It's only fitting the reward be rebirth. Though I can't identify with this poem's subject matter, that doesn't mean it's not a good poem because it is good. Your sentance structure was unique, but it worked for the poem.
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thanks for your comment on my poem....... glad u liked it...
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