drunk and musing,
the world snares me
in a whirlwind of reality.
how could i know god? i don't even know myself, and what i do know, i long ago tangled and tossed away to be forgotten. humming, humming, the drone of distant voices, clinking glasses and splintered laughter, and the murmur of my own thoughts.
they say cigarettes kill,
but i bet god kills faster.
they say love can change you,
but i bet reality
has opened a lot more eyes.
earlier tonight i saw a homeless man sitting against a dilapidated wall, holding a sign that asked for change and said god bless before you could give him any. i handed him a few coins, but told him, there is no god when you are alone, no savior in sight when every brick you once climbed disintegrates, crumbles slowly as you scramble for a nonexistent handhold. he seemed a little surprised and with one long, sighing blink pulled his gaze away from mine. i wonder if he knows he's not fooling anyone but himself.
often i think there is nothing between scars and desires, nothing for us to experience but what could have been and what could be. i feel like my struggle, our struggle, is futile, but with every trickle of liquor the earth feels a little more alive.
as to pious confession-
bleaching my lungs
wouldn't freshen breath,
it would kill me.
if i've been placed here by some misdirected force, he must have also put this shotglass in my hand. i hear voices coming closer, blurred like a stream of dimly colored and disjointed sounds, swirling colors- pour another drink, forget it all- echoes- forget, forget god- the humming grows stronger and yet more removed-
i swallow and feel
real traces of god
massage my throat.
my spirit long drowned, my life macabre... my only pleasure is to dance with death.
Author notes
AP X FACTOR: 3/3
Prompt:
'I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.'
Mersault in The Stranger by Albert Camus.
i took a little liberty with style and punctuation-- hope you don't mind.
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Nine [Top 4] - Finale Part 3/3 by sideways hourglass.
1750 points, ended April 1, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This hits home in more ways than I can, or care to, explain. However, I will tell you that it took my breath away, and I am very impressed. You managed to muse about God and allow me to feel the drunken questioning without drifting into the cliche "girl drinks. girl wonders about god. reverse, repeat, who cares." Beautiful.
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The title is brilliant, evocative of the misplaced idea that either of those are a bad thing...when the one usually results in the other. Desire always makes scars...and scars deeply urge recovery, often burning us with desire, then back to the scars. And also in philosophy, the not so subtle exposure of the homeless man, begging for change (there is no god), however, you, moved by some compassionate force, that I might suggest is non existent in an nonempethetic "wild", supplied him with coin. At once, a generous and calculating act. If there is a god, wouldn't that god be pleased by the attention to the bum created by that same Deity. On could argue, without god, there could not ever be a compassionate act. Forget reason, animals are not made to give a rip about a competitor for food.
Great treatment of this subject, thoughtful and solid exposition. Excellent poetry. I agree with his chardonnay, alternating prose is brilliant for this presentation!!! Geo
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this is a really good read!
the first line is just brilliant. -
Alternating between free verse and prose was a brilliant idea. I imagined this being read aloud, because you put so much opinion, conviction, and personality into this. And this theme is so controversial that it takes guts to write stuff like this and post it on a poetry website, somewhere public. Whether I agree or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you have written a masterpiece and anyone who denies that is biased and/or blind -- just my opinion. This is brilliant.
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Hmm...It is a very evocative write.. A nice clear story plot, a smooth transition between verse. Well done.
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wow
you're an amazing writing
I love you. I believe in you.
You can find yourself, you just have to make the map first.
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