Dark eyes caressing mine, murky depths of desire.
a voice whispering against my ears, warm breath airy and false.
soft touch tracing little lies along my skin.
Kisses that taste like sweet release, the flavor of ash left on my tongue.
broken promises moaned between passionate embraces. bitter with venom.
tears cascading from a frozen mask, cold and small.
Dropped calls, Busy tones, and voicemail. left wanting.
Were you just killing time?
A contest entry
- I WANT ANYTHING! by Umi Juvariel.
4300 points, ended April 9, 369 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! PERFECT!!!!!!
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"Dark eyes caressing mine, murky depths of desire" Great line here. Feels like the eyes are deceitful, like quicksand. The murky quality makes me think there is something hidden there, purposefully.
"A voice whispering against my ears, warm breath airy and false."
Another great line. The whispering against both ears makes me think this person envelops you, but won't let you grasp. The airy and false bit gives way to the lack of depth this person has, and the idea of the falsities makes me think there is nothing believable, not even the air there.
"Soft touch tracing little lies across my skin."
This line makes me think that the lies aren't staying little, but growing gradually.
"Kisses that taste like sweet release, the flavor of ash left on my tongue." Either this is a smoker or the sweet release burns on impact.
Phew, the rest of this poem is just crazy good, and I feel I would sit here forever trying to find the right things to say. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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