Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Heartbeats and ethanol razors

I

Hearts are like atoms-
they attract and repel
depending on what material they are made of.

     
Pieces of them push away
disapearing into faultlines
of  dark rimmed tears staining pillows
but barbed shards attract,
gripping chalky spiderweb trails
– as their curves and jagged edges
that don’t match create sparks.


Half of my heart-
blood pumping through veins
colored by night swimming in a frigid pool
l heated by hushed laughter and vulnerability,
is lying on your shelf,

coffee stained papers and
partially dirty familiar looking clothes
(many of which borrowed from my drawers)
hide it from sight,
forgotten as it stains your room ,
adding to the odor
of letting go of forever,
of letting go of hour long phone calls.

          II
Chasms of empty air,
unspoken ‘I’m sorrys’ and crooked tears
staining the screen of your number
illuminate the distance between us. 
       
  Reflecting star fire eyes, stream acidic tears-
as my veins are deconstructed
by contrast of last season’s mushed pancake dinners
and sand flying left and right staining our hair
and Friday nights' unanswered plea for help,
ignored text messages filled to the brim
with sublte calls for you to remember
how well you know me and know everything that’s wrong. 
   
    III

    I need you- I need your blunt accepting
of clothing scattered across my room,
denim jeans inside out and crisscrossed legs.
I need the sense my life makes when I’m with you-
the way the pieces fall into place
like a puzzle piece whose last shiny red piece
was hiding in the dusty cobwebs of the rug all along.

      The beating half of my heart,
whose blood runs on the adrenaline of  summer emails
that said everything and anything
and instinct like natural way to just be myself around you-
lies on your shelf, lies in your hands, gripped tight
as unconsciously you squeeze.

      The half I have, is stained  in the aqua marine liquid eyeliner ringing my seepless eyes- its splintered into crevices oozing solid pain – chunks of hazy browns and greens that color confusion.
   
III
    Glass thin fragments that have no name, whose origins are a closed adoption
designed to fade away the star cut scars in their young mothers heart- events that caused them faded into plots of shoveled dirt, buried in the moving away and dying of each witness to their birth. You stayed out of my reach like the cookie jar teetering above chubby arms of childhood- dangling the hope of opened eyes notcing my struggle, my deteroiating strength of will pushing away the numbness, of ethanol razor cuts, acetamine heartbeats and letting go. Someone to save me- from myself, from the pain swallowing my organs from the inside out- consuming the face of everything I was once or could have been.

IIII

Ears straining, if only someone said that to me. Showed me arms willing to hold me until they were sore and giving out- promised me  “I’ll always love you, no matter how far you run” the building blocks upon which the bricks of my sanity could be placed. The solid ground that might hold me in place.

Author notes

W r i t i n g 0 f r e e d o m
sorrow
option 1

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Jaffa-
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    Erm......wow.
    I am utterly speachless.... i don't know what to say :| I'm scared because this isn't normal.....
    Hmm....
    Basically. I love love loved it!!!
    So much!
    I thought that it was amazing. The flow and your choice of language, everything perfect. Amazing write. My favorite part was maybe
    "The beating half of my heart,
    whose blood runs on the adrenaline of summer emails
    that said everything and anything "
    I really loved it. Amazing write. It has happiness love and a kind of hurt. I'm going to have to read it again somewhere quieter to get the full flow of the emotions behind it and i may get back to you once i've done that. But it was realllly well written and an amazing poem. Well done, good luck and keep writing. xoxo


  • Simp
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for joining my second contest. I enjoy how it paints a picture.

    The end is so cute.
    "if only someone said that to me. Showed me arms willing to hold me until they were sore and giving out- promised me “I’ll always love you, no matter how far you run”" that made me smile


  • BearWoman gold member
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    I particularly like this imagery: "chunks of hazy browns and /greens that color confusion."

    You included a lot of detail. And yet, for some reason I cannot explain at the moment, it felt to me like "mere" repetition of the same theme, in a way that did not increase depth for me. I wasn't very able to access the emotion of this piece, and for that I am sorry , because I see other readers have been able to do so.

    Thank you for sharing this piece, and please keep wriring!


  • perfectsunset gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was absolutely gorgeous!
    You imagery was explosive & metaphors
    could fuel the world. This was just
    exceptionallly done.

    Loved it to pieces!!

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • Stolen memories
    April 3
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    That was written very, very well, good luck (Not that you will need it)


  • DarkShard
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    wow ok. flawless and captivating imagery! which in my eyes is the hardest uality of poetic writing for that your though but we need to work on your structure and possibly im to shorten a few of your longer sentances becasue if you loose the reader and fail to guide their interests through your poem, then your poem has failed to attract the heart of its audience.
    your work is very promising so I am going to risk it and sed you to round 2.

    • Writing0Freedom
      March 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I'd love help to make the structure better- if you would help me if you have time.


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    this is very orginial and very well written. i like it.
    thank you for entering and good luck in the contest


  • Menna
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, tottally original and really nice. Liked it alot.


  • RealitysAStory
    March 28
    Edit | Reply
    I've never read anything like this and I lovveee it. Good luck.


  • Beautiful-N-Broken silver member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    Ears straining, if only someone said that to me. Showed me arms willing to hold me until they were sore and giving out- promised me “I’ll always love you, no matter how far you run” the building blocks upon which the bricks of my sanity could be placed. The solid ground that might hold me in place.


    This part really stood out to me. I really loved this write as a whole but this last stanza is something I think everyone longs for. Thank you for sharing this with me.

1 - 12 of 12