I awoke blood stained,
Dead in spirit
Ready for heaven, sinking to hell
Angels and devils calling, but I could not hear it
How did I lose this
This battle for life
Killing me slowly
Filling me with strife
Pain, suffering,
Knock me out now, in this cold, cold night
I’m being taken out, taken in
To put up one last fight
Can not think,
Brain is dead
Bleeding, broken, infected,
All been said
And did I just awake,
If only for a minute
Only to convulse, scream, cry
Let me finish this
Please, please god
I can’t take it much longer
I’m dead inside and out
Room dark and somber
And the light finally shows
At the end of this game
Is it time to continue
Or say thanks for playing?
A contest entry
- I WANT ANYTHING! by Umi Juvariel.
4300 points, ended April 9, 369 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Some of the rhymes felt a little forced at the beginning, but I liked how you carried on this poem. The beginning was strong, and the end was too, but the middle almost faltered. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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Oddly enough....i get kinda what your trying to betray here...Lol...It's really deep like its out there but there's some parts you have to really read into...i liked it and thought it had emotion and power and great imagination and sayings and lines that madd the poem extremely strong! there were turns that you took that was unexpected but that's a good think...love the way the ending tied it all toether...that was clever and my favorite line of all time has to be "How did I lose this//This battle for life//Killing me slowly//Filling me with strife" if that wasn't the most powerful stanza of all times....it was brilliant thanxz for the read and keep writing your amazing =]
Dont Lose The ONE
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i like your style of writing, it intrigues me as i dont quite understand the message you are putting across, but maybe that is the point, to make me think. well you have certainly done that,
thank you. alex
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