Stay

I'm tapping my painted nails,
On my desk, it never fails.
I'm waiting for you to call,
Patiently, trying not to fall.
When you finally do,
It isn't the real you.
I sigh out loud, do you hear?
No, you're just waiting for me to cheer.
You tell me your plans.
I dig my painted nails into my hands.
You're moving on is what you say.
I cry silently for you to stay.
But do you hear?
No, you don't have time to chase my fear.
You promise that you love me,
But clearly you can't see.
If you knew the pain I felt,
Your heart would surely slowly melt.
I blink my tears away,
Allowing my dreams to drift astray.
You're so excited, I can tell.
But you can't see that I'm so pale.
I just can't imagine you gone,
I'm not sure I'll have a dawn.
I try not to hold you back,
With my heart that feels so darkly black.
We hang up, tears flow free,
My future's so dark, I can barely see.
You don't understand how I need you so,
And why I so badly don't want you to go.
I slide my phone violently away;
It seems to do nothing but betray.
The tears finally stop, I gain control,
Until the tiniest reminder takes its toll.
I can't stand this; I can't get a break.
I'm not even sure that I'm even awake.
Sometimes I'm so numb I can't feel a thing.
I'm flying with a badly broken wing.
I know it's your dream, and you won't change your mind.
But dispair, loneliness, and heartbreak are all I find.
You should do what you want; I shouldn't interfere.
But I can't stand the thought of you being there while I'm trapt here.
I'm stuck in a sad, heartbreaking song,
And all of this just feels so wrong.
You're moving on; you're surely changing.
While all I'm doing is rearranging.
I'm trying so hard not to fall apart.
I'm trying, but dying, of a broken heart.
I look at the marks dug into my hands,
They're just like my life, watching from the stands.
I look at my phone one last time,
Wondering if telling you would be a crime.
It would be, I'll never tell you how to live.
That's something you simply can't forgive.
There's one thing to you I could never say,
I want you so badly just to stay.