Hiding the shame
Seeking the truth
A fun little game
in which we call "life"
The shame of our secret identity
concealing who we really are
seeking the truth of acceptance
knowing we are loved for who we are.
Hiding the shame
Seeking the truth
A fun little game
in which we call "life"
The truth of what we do
sculpting who we become
the secrets of our past
begin to scratch the surface
Hiding the shame
Seeking the truth
A fun little game
in which we call "life"
Author notes
inspired from a conversation!
a fun little game!
Comments
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"The shame of our secret identity
concealing who we really are
seeking the truth of acceptance
knowing we are loved for who we are."
That was very beautiful and also very true. This was pretty good i liked the repitition it made the poem better. -
Yeah... You KNOW i love those first couple of lines...
Ok, the repitition seemed to work. It showed your point clearly and also reinforced the idea of life being a game.
I think that maybe there could have been more said in this poem...you could have gone deeper into the idea of why life is like a game...
However, it's not bad for something written in such a short space of time!
On the positive side, there are some really powerful lines in there...the reference to 'deeds done' in the line 'sculpting who we become'... and 'scratch the surface'
I like also the way you referred to the two main aspects of the poem in a stanza of their own.
Hiding the shame..
Seeking the truth. (which you are also hiding....!)
All in all, a good write..firm foundation for something more maybe? A poem that definitely gets it#'s message across.
(My first critical eval., of one of yours... whatcha think?) -
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(Oooh, dear.... Hopeing I wasn't too critical now!!)
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