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So You're Telling Me What?




“Fuck you!”

The Devil smiles.
“No, darling.  Fuck you.”





the news isn’t peachy
but she thanks everyone for the
two-fingered fuck, makes the next appointment,
and ta-ta’s it out the door
before the bile rises up and curdles
the sweet right off her smile 

oh, Jesus

what do you do
what the hell do you do now?

She drives to Sonic and orders a sundae,
extra M&M’s, don’t forget the cherry,
and the guy who takes her order
thinks she’s drunk
because she’s swaying, because her words
are as thick as goddamn bricks
because because...

the news isn’t good,
so she dry-swallows a pill,
slips out of her asinine rose-clustered panties
and finds him on the hammock, dreaming,
blissful, beautiful, she hates him
for a split second, loves how he smells
of sunshine and her perfume
from the night before

Jesus Christ, help me

she goes into whore-mode, hopes to God
he cums loud enough, long enough,
so that when she cries

when she cries

no questions will be asked, nothing will be amiss,
everything is just fine

just peachy.

In a list

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Comments

1 - 99 of 100     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • codsta
    September 29
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting write. I love the style.


  • LittleMoon silver member
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what a write. You have really got that emotion that you were after right here in these words. The fear, the "why me?" the way every inch of you has been polaxed. I love the way you try to defy it until you are ready to say. Sheila


  • Tzipora
    June 24
    Edit | Reply

    ohbloodyhell...

    this was great. beginning to end.

    "just peachy."


  • notorious
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I've never read this?!!! This fucking fucked my mind with how good it was. (Like you were gonna get a critique for this)


  • Sesheta
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I'm not sure what to think, much less what to say.


  • sheltered
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    thank jesus for the last and first verse
    cause the middle was filler
    but hey you scraped out the bronze on passion alone

    and will always have that
    as this is why I love you

  • Cinnarry gold member
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    I couldn't help but read through the comments, and jesus there was alot of them!

    A lot of the comments were surprising to me in the sense that a lot of people, had the opinion that this "kind" of poem was somehow "different" for you to have written.

    I disagree.

    In fact, this poem is the kind that I miss seeing you write. This poem is the Lane that I KNOW.

    The truth. The rawness. The brutality.

    • Dalaney gold member
      April 9
      Edit | Reply
      ...the truth, the rawness, the brutality...of a beautiful life i'll always try to write like the lane you know, as long as you promise me never to stop writing the Cinn I know thank you for the honor of recognition in this contest, my friend. Love, Lane


  • thepoetssoul
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    Im sorry for my earlier comment

    I want to say so much about this piece, it really hits hard.
    That would be one hell of a gift, if a man could ignore bad news from the bliss of ecstacy.

    Tony

  • Deep...


  • sleep artist
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    "she goes into whore-mode, hopes to God
    he cums loud enough, long enough,
    so that when she cries

    when she cries

    no questions will be asked, nothing will be amiss,
    everything is just fine"

    as it always is -- like,
    all the distractions in the world can never make things better;
    the least you can do is hope someone else can be happy

    i am not sure if that is what is being communicated here through your words, but this is what they meant to me as i read

    and it is so applicable to me right now
    and thus i thank you !

  • thepoetssoul
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    The rose panties and the doctors visit for a two finger fuck is an odd combination.
    I must be over thinking this poem, it feels to personal for me to delve into.
    Thanks for sharing your poetic gifts, it's always a pleasure to read your work.
    Be blessed in all you do.

    Tony


  • Cannonsfire
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    Damn girl...this is so gritty and lifelike it makes the pictures appear like a shadow on a wall. Brilliant my friend C

  • wow what a write! it left me thinking real hard. I am sorry though i enjoyed your write. great job. keep it up ;]


  • silverscent gold member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    I read this the other day, and I can't remember if I'd left a comment on it or not...but hey I am now...

    This is brilliant as always! You have a way with words that leaves me lost for them in regards to leaving decent feedback. Well done!!!

  • Incredible writing as only you can pen...very raw. I'm so sorry to read about this, but I know someone as strong as you can overcome all obstacles. You are such an inspiration to everyone on AP. This is another example as to why you are among the best of the best. Much love and respect....Rory


  • Draig aine gold member
    March 31
    Edit | Reply

    so strong

    read with delight, a work well written , sent a shiver through
    my soul


  • charcoal
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    this is a story well told

  • Nice.

  • Topnotchsy
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    I was sure I had responded to this one, but I guess not. The way you deal with the incredible pain in your life head on, and are willing to turn your pen against yourself, digging into your deepest feelings and emotions, is awe-inspiring.


  • kryz
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    very gd write. keep up the gd work


  • Luciferschild
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    amazing, simply and utterly amazing


  • nordicsky silver member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    I learnt a new word tonight “Peachey” My dictionary defines it as:
    Informal, North American, attractive or excellent “everything is just peachy”

    But it wasn’t Lane, was it.

    Take care, for you are a much loved Poetess.
    Love, Peter


  • Hate-And-Pain
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, an amazing piece indeed. I loved the flow and how everything just sat together perfectly. One of the better writes that i've read in a while. Great job, i truly loved it.


  • marc creamore
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Battle on sister, battle on . . . I'm right here beside you brandishing a weapon filled with healing and hope . . .

  • Wow, is this awesome or what?!?!!?
    Very creative and just one helluva piece...wow
    Awesome entry
    All the best to you in this contest


  • Bedroom Eyes
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Ya know Laney, I have seen this before...MANY TIMES. A woman (or a man) who knows she/he shouldn't, then does it anyways. This really is a spot-on write of how things can be in this life.

    Am I correct in assuming pregnancy? Or do I see too much in this?

    Anyway, this is a gripping piece that will most likely end up spotlighted

    VERY nice work, and best of luck in the contest!!



    Greg

    • Dalaney gold member
      March 29
      Edit | Reply
      hey, Greg...thank you so much for such a great comment.
      No, it wasn't pregnancy...it was cancer. I suppose I left it
      so the reader could assume what they wanted to assume...
      but, it was cancer, and it was my experience, my day of
      finding out. Thank you for reading...I appreciate it.
      Love, Lane

  • Just a poet gold member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Why do prose writers waste their time on the other 499 pages?
    The story told perfectly in just one single page with space left for a doodle.

    Walleted.

    J

    (I like this waiting for four or five reads to comment, allows the poetry to mature )


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Those words if one can imagine them are just those you wish them to take back, let the quack their prescriptions to someone else I say. You are brilliant that even when the chips are going against you, you can still just write it with the passion we have grown to love. Life isn't always peachy, sometimes you just have to lie your way through it. I hope things are OK xx Sam


  • Whoochi gold member
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    Fuck that devil my dearest Lanie-girl...and make sweet love to the hammock man...Loved the expression in this...could feel it, see it, smell it even...Love you!


  • jordanquesnel
    March 28

    Edit | Reply

    Exceptional.

    I was really starting to enjoy your poem, till the fourth stanza. I'm guessing that you're just moving your story along in a less than chronological order. Or maybe you're just using the poet's license to not make any goddamn sense. Either way, I also thought you cheaped-out on your ending. I'm sure you didn't look through a book on cheaped-out endings. But, I think it could have used some more development or atleast something as powerful at the beginning stanza.

    H.G. Wells.

    • Dalaney gold member
      March 28
      Edit | Reply
      hmmm, no, i wasn't using poetic license...what didn't you understand about the fourth stanza? Cheaped out ending...hmmm...lol I've never heard that expression before. How do you think I did that? I'm just curious, really. Let me know.

      Lane


  • Polaja Greeters member
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    Just wow - I don't think I have anything to say about this one - it makes me slightly uncomfortable in a "grow up and there are no roses" kind of way - just wow



    Polly


  • deercatcher
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    I see a commitment to life...
    An action of that commitment
    I hope you will let him cry with you
    But if you need him to just be your strength
    You might better tell him


  • JohnnyD gold member
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    It's not when one's words are as thick as bricks- but when one's heart is thick as bricks- that the Devil has won another round-unlike boxing he has his own rules and there are no limits to the number of rounds one must possibly fight-indeed fight for their life-but the trick is not to let him destroy one's heart-one's hope- ones dream of the future. He might well KO you more than once in any round- but then its up to the strength of one's belief in themselves- their friends and their God to get up each time and deny him the satisfaction of a victory.

    In other words Laney- kick the bastard in the nuts- step on his throat with high heels-and give the bastard no quarter-none-rip his vile jugular out and spit on him.


    then send me his liver- and yeah nice write gal




    Len

  • lordjiro
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    on second thought it does merit an applause

  • lordjiro
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    unusual but not bad, not bad at all

  • Good God.
    I adore this. It is beautifully written. Something i wish I was capible of. Just wow...


  • AllexisReed
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Leaves me wondering what the bad news was! Baby, STD...WHAT!! Great write. And everything goes down better with M&M's and Cherry Sundae's!!


    • Dalaney gold member
      March 27
      Edit | Reply
      it was cancer...

      thank you so much for reading.
      Love, Lane

      • AllexisReed
        March 28
        Edit | Reply
        Wow, what a coincidence...I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 35...I'm 45 now!! and a survivor!! If you ever need to talk, I will listen, and my prayers go out for you!

  • Yemassee gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    Am I crazy (and don't answer that because it would be redundant) but is this about a woman that finds that she is pregnant (via a lover or whatever you wish to call him) and then runs home to disguise it by having sex with her husband (or whatever you want to call him?) I'm not sure how she'll explain the time line but men (me included) are generally stupid and gullible.

    No? Well then it's a poem about two folk who aren't very happy with the result of their uninhibited moment.

    Have you ever noticed no matter how intelligent the couple, arguments always devolve into shouts of four letter words? From idiot to genius -- it's apparently a very short step.

    Everyone who has commented here has told you of your obvious talent, etc, so you don't need me echoing those same words, though I do completely (if less effusively) agree with their verdict.

    I really want to try out your other gig. I sneaked around there a bit and you are quite witty. I have to think of something I should ask.


    • Dalaney gold member
      March 27

      Edit | Reply
      this poem was written after finding
      out about cancer...

      so...have you tried out my 'other' gig?

      • Yemassee gold member
        March 28
        Edit | Reply
        Is it really? Was it intended to have the the meaning I saw or did I just run with a dead call. And you are ok now hopefully?

        I'm trying to think up a question for your other gig...it can't be all serious and it can't be completely silly, so it takes time to think one up...ok, truth is I just forgot, lol

        I'll put my thinking beanie on and ask...you do lie to people who can't handle the truth right?


  • autarky
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    you know the human existence like no one else. i love this!


  • Whyitt U
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    Shit...this makes me want to cry right along with you....this truly is a masterpiece, the way you have written this and the wording and phasing and flow....feelings, emotions,....everything....just...

    wyatt xoxox


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    slips out of her asinine rose-clustered panties
    she goes into whore-mode
    whoa on these lines


  • Nicolette gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    "she goes into whore-mode" - like the sound of that!!! you said it yourself, this one is "just peachy". What a great write this is - it's all here...yes



    ~ Nicolette

  • silverfish
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    "she dry-swallows a pill, . . ."

    this may have not received very much of the author's attention, but taken with other poems lately, the layers of irony, metaphor, symbolism can leave a reader choked up. -s


  • firevixen7
    March 25

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is beautiful I'm a bit speechless. I can relate to her and how mad she feels. We have all felt pain like that at some point in our lives. I'm not much of a writer but I know good poetry when I see it. I really hope this gets published.


  • jazzcat gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    FANTASTIC WRITE! I love the feeling of this and the power you use with your images and words. This has a great flow to it and you capture the reader right from the start and then the piece doesn't let us go until it's done with us. And we feel tired, sad and angry for all that we just went through. Such great contrasts in your stanzas. This is one of my favorites from your writings. Great job!

  • Wow. This one sounds very sad and bitter! I thought it was very strong though. Or lestways, it made a lot of impression on me. Life can sure be a very rough ride and I think you really showed that here.

  • Dammit...

    there goes another trophy!!!!! Fuck me!!!


  • PerVirtuous
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    The Devil doesn't work very hard, does he? He lets us do it for him. How does he do it? Like Oedipus, we seem to run away from reality headlong into that we wish to avoid most. It is not lost on me the connection between the scenes here. You are very, very perceptive. I am taking a step back for another look. All the best.


  • Jersene gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    this resonates. I can think of no other way to describe this amazing piece of poetry

  • Rowan gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply

    humanly raw, and deeply moving. And if it takes f'ing somebody's brains out to cry, so be it...
    sometimes there's just nothing that will help ease the pain, though. So sad. sigh.


  • HaleyMary
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Lane. This was a very powerful write. Powerful imagery and emotion at the end. I think this is one of the best poems you've written. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.

    Haley Mary


  • DolceVito gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply

    Clever

    I love what you've done here, mermaid, and I'm certain the Cinful one will love it as well...One of your best, I think, just awesome.

    Vito


  • CaliOkie silver member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    You have surpassed yourself. This is so perfect. It represents the entire range of human emotion, full of desperation, regret, self-condemnation, pleading. Attempts at making deals with life . . . but life makes it's own deals dispassionately with little regard for our feelings. The best we can ever hope for is even money.

    Breathtaking. Classic. You are so incredibly talented.

    Garrison


  • Pure Thought silver member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Strong and powerful. Anything else I say will be messaged to you alone.
    Love,
    Buddy

  • Wow... this Poem is something in itself. My Favorite parts are
    "the news isn’t good,
    so she dry-swallows a pill,
    slips out of her asinine rose-clustered panties
    and finds him on the hammock, dreaming,
    blissful, beautiful, she hates him
    for a split second, loves how he smells
    like sunshine and her perfume
    from the night before"

    Keep up the wonderful writing I really enjoy your works

    ~*Ravenic Seraphim*~

  • excellent

    wow amazing, I don't know what else to say


  • Swangrnv gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply

    Oh wow

    I have no words that will offer even a tiny hint of wisdom..I totally and completely blown away by this this..deeply painful, tugs at my heart so bad sweetie..I PRAY TO GOD, i pray to god for you....
    whatever pain you're in is only seeming to produce even more exceptional work, if that's even possible..


  • cubert
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    wow, I am ripped apart


  • arafura gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    So much pain and aphrehension... it tears a little piece out of the readers heart. We love you.


  • geckogirl silver member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    a deep, sad, dark piece.. cries of help here & self meditcating... hoping he screams loud so that her cries are not heard a horrible feeling, hating someone that much wanting to vomit... good luck

  • Baldwin
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    A truly, truly beautiful poem i have nothing to say that has not been said. But one criticism, just the one and its a matter of opinion =p : from
    "...when she cries"
    when she cries"

    could it be, "if she cries" on the first line, and then "when"? unless you were going for the repeating affect, which i liked anyway.

    Wonderful, moving, involving poetry that doesn't confuse and ostricise the first time reader. I look forward to reading more of you, thank you.

    • Dalaney gold member
      March 25
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your comment...I deliberately wanted to repeat the lines, "when she cries"...there was really no question that she would....unfortunately I appreciate the feedback and I hope you'll continue reading my poetry. Lane

  • Sandcastle
    March 24

    Edit | Reply

    Sandcastle

    The mood of this poem is quite dark. It clearly illustrates this person places bandaids on her wounds. She numbs so she doesn't feel because if she actually feel, it would be too much. Her way of coping is to self medicate through pills, sex and sweets to dull the pain she carries around inside.


  • LadyElbereth
    March 24

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful WOW

    I worry about what now… every time I go to the gynecologist… guess our heads spin before we get there and after we leave in that nice exorcist kind of way…boy this is raw, right in your face I realize at one time or another every woman will be here to what degree only God knows but to the devil with details. You are a gifted poet your voice loud and clear. I love someone that can say what they mean and make me believe what they say. That is the mark of a great poet. You sure have a way with words I am so blown away I am not even sure what the hell I am typing. Wow what a piece my heartfelt thank you or this over the top wonderfully explicit heart-wrenching write.


    Lady E

    • Sandcastle
      March 24
      Edit | Reply

      Sandcastle

      Wow, what a comment. I too believe a superb poet should be able to express themselves exceptionally well in pen. Our words should be able to come alive and lift up off the paper and enter into the writer's cerebral cortex with an explosion of synap....pow


    • Dalaney gold member
      March 24
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for the read and the
      really nice comment love, lane


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    The first exchange comes on like the beginning of a fight between two weasley little NY punks. I expect to hear:

    "Yeah?"

    "Yeah!"

    "Yeeeah?"

    "Yeeeah!"

    "Yeah well... fuck you!"

    From beginning to end, sheer expression. Believe me I know the feeling. It's dirty and its desperate, but you do it anyway, and you don't know whether you are going to throw up or climax.

    Either way up, this is total, all-out, knock-down poetry.

  • You amaze me

    Your words simply amaze me, everytime I read your work I am so intrigued by it. I love how you leave us hanging like whats the news? Is she pregg an STD WHAT for the love of, well you know the rest. Anyway good job and good luck in the contest!!!


  • CrystalLizard
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Helluva poem. There's so much anger imbued in each word—wow. It's the most raw and pissed off poem I've read in ages, and I'm going to remember the images for a REALLY long time. Peachy, in a good way. Congrats.


  • JinSays gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    gulp.
    ohjesus.

    I dont think I've ever read anything more brilliant than this, ever. other than that, what else can I say?
    just peachy.
    shit.



    love to you always.
    jin


  • RedAquarius
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    *flips off the Devil* I couldn't have done anything as brilliant as this - a slice of reality.


  • breedluv gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Summing up all the indignant and suprised anger at being the 'winner' in the lottery of life, this is a cry from the edge. No one does naked soul better than you. Consider yourself loved.


  • daviscth silver member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Lane this is brilliant!!!!!


  • Daizee silver member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes if we scream loud enough a person can almost make it go away.

    Love,
    Stacy


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Is it wrong that I like this side of your writing??
    fan-fucking-tastic.

  • This is raw, and wonderful!


  • Peteskid gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    as i read, the thought was :the times we need to really remember, sometimes happen at times we'd like to forget...strong, deep writing here...PK


  • Emmyb gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    oops. forgot to add the other two applauds! sorry for being rude.

  • ... what else can i do, but be proud and smile ...


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    You're amazing ... I'm lost for words.......


    Love
    Sue


  • DumbBaby
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    ouch. Ive never heard you like that.


  • Emmyb gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    crikey


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    speecheless

  • piggyback
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is so much rawer than your other stuff... yet beautiful... I can really feel this one and I love your use of details and italics. You have such talent for making your work sound so *real*. I love this. A lot.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!

    That's one helluva Cinnarry!!!

    A real roller-coaster of a write, screaming through tight dives and bends at breakneck speed.

    Just peachy, without any sarcasm at all!



  • You are fucking amazing...

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