He drove home a bright blond
kiss still glowing warm
on his five o clock shadow
The sun breeze speckled a golden fan
from across the horizon to the white
picket edge of the pacific
coast highway
At the end of his curvy driveway
he swept into his arms the blushing
gaze of a long white gown
laughing light amber bubbles lightly
carried across the cream canyon
threshold where orange shades of sunset
played on the lintel
All night long he wrinkled satin sheets
with passion promise and wild prose
warbled up from his songbird heart
until stars melted away
stirred in milk and coffee snug
in the arms of a long and phoneless
Sunday morning sleep
But that was then now far
at the end of the long dim
hall of yesterday today
He drives home an empty seat
that scrapes at his stiff right arm
demanding he hear the howl
of silence stark beside him and
yanks at the wheel momentary jerks
toward oncoming lights
At home he rattles the chain link weight
of a long black tie over concrete sighs
into moon shadow stillness where
cold kitchen tiles reecho his
every step like white ribs cracked
by the strain of tomorrow
All night long he creases cold gray sheets
with aimless strides across a plush brown carpet
to the moonlit banister where canyon
darkness beckons from the ache
Till finally the stars melt moonless
into strong black coffee stirred
with the acrid taste of final resolution
a bitter brew that will call that distant
Sunday morning back forever
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 81 of 81
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I thought I'd already commented ...
on this, but nothing is showing up here. This is very poignant, and it projects a feeling almost of despair. We all look back across the years and we have regrets about things we did or didn't do, and the ways in which they impacted our lives.
I hope that this is not autobiographical.
I'm not feeling up to doing any deep analysis of this just now, and I'm not sure I'd get much more out of it that way than what I've already said. I do have to admit that I much prefer your rhymed poems, but that's not relevant to the content of this, is it?
Anyway, keep writing and keep on truckin'.
Happy Holidays.
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=) nice.
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very sad, i can feel your heart in it!All night long he wrinkled satin sheets
with passion promise and wild prose
warbled up from his songbird heart
until stars melted away
stirred in milk and coffee snug
in the arms of a long and phoneless
Sunday morning sleep
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Glad you enjoyed.
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This poem deffinitly leaves you wondering. also makes you feel slightly sad as he seems so alone. good work
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Yes he does seem alone doesn't he. This poem is, in part, a reflection on the condition of being, the transience of existence.
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cant u turn ur blonde into a lover. here it gives the impression of a hired one.
cant u turn ur blonde into a lover. here it gives the impression of a hired one. -
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Sorry, meant to reply here with my last comment. I'm glad you enjoyed this post, harish. Thanks for reading.
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I forget now the name of the rhetorical device I'm using here--metonymy? Or maybe it's litotes. Anyway, if I were to replace "blond" with "lover", it would throw off the multidimensionality of the lines and the poem as a whole. Think about it:
He drove home a bright blond kiss[,] still glowing warm on his five o clock shadow.
He drove home[,] a bright blond kiss still glowing warm on his five o clock shadow.
He drove home a bright blond[,] kiss still glowing warm on his five o clock shadow.
And there were some others I can't remember now. This wasn't a project poem, so I didn't take notes.
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Very nice description of the two experiences well apart in tones and intonations.Had it been blonde carry you away into some serenity, it would have been excellent. Nicely written dear frien...
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I suppose I could, but then it would lack the visual frame of reference I want. And I also like that the poem is open to interpretation. I strive for this in my writing.
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Thank you sir!
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Sad. 1 can only wonder at the end here. Good, but sad.
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This is a wonder-poem. It's supposed to make you wonder.
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Excellent
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well in this poem. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
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Thanks Clovis.
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You are quite welcome.
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Like anyone, I have my moments. Thanks for your vote of confidence, however!
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thoughts
they were all going through my head..
very beautiful poem.
lots of emotion.
great read!
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Not going to tell me what kind of thoughts? Hmm?
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good poem love it
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i like this poem ur good
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Thanks!
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quite swell
"Till finally the stars melt moonless
into strong black coffee stirred"
i liked these lines especially, i was able to dwell a dream that i were in this place at this time. beautiful write anyway
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I'm not sure where the poem came from. One day the lines began to form, so I wrote them down. A week or so later I revisited the lines and somehow "knew" the rest of the story, which I tapped out with haste and then revised.
Glad you enjoyed!
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But that was then now far
at the end of the long dim
hall of yesterday today
I think those are the lines I could most relate to out of your entire piece here. But I surprisingly read the entire thing. Held my attention, so it musta been good
x
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I'm glad that this poem held your attention, but I don't think this alone is what makes a poem "good". Taste is a complex subject, rooted in each individual's culture and personal experience. Think of all the things that hold your attention without there being one thing good about it. Television ads, for instance? Catchy songs that have terrible lyrics? Shock-value writing that only holds your attention because it's gory or off-the-wall? Think about this some. You may find yourself questioning and evolving your sense of taste.
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Very well written and the words you used and how you used them was very nice.
And very powerful and it just went all together and made a very good poem. Your detail was done very well and you kept the attention of the reader til the end, which was me , so in my opinion this was very well done, thanks and keep writing.
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Glad you enjoyed.
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soooooooooooooooooo amazing that it made me cry
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Good good good!
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Forgot these.
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All night long he creases cold gray sheets
with aimless strides across a plush brown carpet
to the moonlit banister where canyon
darkness beckons from the ache
Till finally the stars melt moonless
into strong black coffee stirred
with the acrid taste of final resolution
a bitter brew that will call that distant
Sunday morning back forever
Awesome lines here. This is pure awesomeness! Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks.
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It is an amazing poem and i love the lines
But that was then now far
at the end of the long dim
hall of yesterday today
To me these are really powerful and leave great imagery of the love i had for someone. The poem is really well written and i loved every line.
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Thank you. I'll admit that the success of this poem has surprised me. It was started off the top and mulled over for a few days as I refined its words and focus. Sometimes off the top is worth pursuing.
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*sigh* for anyone whos had love and lost it.. this poem is very heartwretching to read.. yet its to amazing not to =D
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As one who has known love and lost it, your words help make me feel that this poem has been successful in its intent to reach in and wrench a few hearts.
Glad you were able to enjoy.
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very well written..original style
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Thank you, Sir.
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Very passionate
A good read
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Thanksinate.
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Great work,really took time and effort to think up something so unique
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And a bit of inspiration, perhaps.
Glad you enjoyed, Zia.
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HMMMM, for a minute there I thought you were going to dazzle me with a love poem (which I dont see too many of from you lol) But then Boom! depression sets in when you realize that this could be about any one of us. Very good though, I love the light to dark feel of this.
Suzanne
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Ah yes, the harsh realities of life tend to weigh heavily on my thoughts.
Love poems are rare with me, but they're in there. Look for "promise", "Ode for Joy", "projections" and "Walang Masabi".
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That was a very intense and deeply felt poem,
I dont know why, but I had mixed emotions when I read this poem...
But I still liked it!
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I think mixed emotions make sense given the nature of the content. For this write, it seems to me that this denotes a certain degree of success.
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intensely thought up!
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incredibly deep. wonderly write.
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Thanks.
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this poem is outstanding alot of potential and deep thoughts i really really like this
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It's one of my more unusual writes, that's for sure. Possibly my first write ever on this sort of topic.
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WOW!! That poem was beautiful, sweet and really made you think! Fantastic job!
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Glad you liked!
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I think we all yearn for yesterdays.
We long for what we had, because the irony is: we really don't know how good it is when it's current. This is the plight of man. This could be taken many ways: regrets from aging, sexual addictions and conquest (possibly cheating), even merely a fantasy escape from the mundane. This is masterfully crafted, never the less.
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Ah, nice. You called out a few of the ways this poem is written to be interpreted. I like high interpretability in poetry, even if I myself am not always that great at being able to see the various sides of a well crafted piece of writing. I think this is what drives me, however, to try to create enhanced tangibility through the development of my writing styles.
Outstanding avatar, by the way. Hard not to just sit there and stare at--laughing.
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Nice!
You have quite a way with words, this is one of the best poems I've read and I prefer poems that rhyme. Please enter this in contests wherever you live. You keep it up and thanks for the work,
Mitchell
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I write rhymies too.
Thanks for the kind words, sir.
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um. heres the clappy things.
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Glad you enjoyed!
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this was quite lovely!
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What a difference a day makes - I saw a man full of himself - having 'quickie' of some kind before he headed home to the wife - (the blond kiss). He is home and all is well - but one day - it all falls apart and he is left with a dull empty life that has none of the spark or colour that he once knew. Now all he can do is remember that Sunday morning and dwell on what he lost.
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Loss is the key to this poem. I left it to the reader to decide how it occurs, and perhaps what brought it about. I like your analysis. I can see how it ties in with the poem. Very well done.
Thanks for reading and for your thoughts.
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awesome
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The story in this poem is very strong, and the word choice perfect to illuminate this story. I enjoyed it very, very much.
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed.
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i love this poem i mean its unique and very good keep it comming
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Thanks.
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This is excellent, I really like it!
Your language is impactful in its visual nature and a few of you linguistic choices I would not think to use myself, such as 'lintel' and 'picket'. For these reasons I found your use of language interesting.
The plot of this narrative is really great, too. I would have preferred the transition between time periods to be more sudden and for more tragedy to be incorporated, but that's just me.
This was a great write, nice work!
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For me the transition felt pretty sudden, but of course I can't help but be a bit too close to the work.
I'm actually still in the air about that transitional stanza. Anything could happen with it.
"lintel" and "picket", yes. Words of home and security--always an illusion.
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Oops, hope you'll ping me if this is not under construction. I am more than happy to read this again.
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My friend, if this is under construction, i wish i have your gift of insight, your poetic magnetic rendition of a narrative poem.
I like most of the piece so far. Very rich in figurative language, the abundance of personfication, and alliteration plus a few of metonymy, oxymoron, understatement, and onomatopoeia makes this one hell of a good poem.
The only personal thought that bit me a bit was the transition of thought from the first half to the second half. The mid-part or stanza 4 bears the initial perception of confusion but re-reading it gives that feeling of intentional wordplay for thought. A little bit of adjustment probably rephrasing may give the same effect without removing the original set of words. Your calibre proves that it is possible.
Overall, excellent work kaibigan.
Maraming Salamat,
HENSLEY
P.S.
I am really taken by the second and third part.
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I've felt uneasy about that transitional stanza myself, and have looked at it on and off. So far an improvement hasn't come to mind. When one does, I'll try to remember to let you know.
Thanks for the compliments and kudos, Hensley.
Will you translate kaibigan for me? I'd ask a mutual friend, but she's asleep here and I don't want to wake her.
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A happy man turned cold and gray. Only thing that confused me was "reecho" in line 33. If it's a real word feel free to throw the definition at me . Good luck in your contest, I love the warm color start and the dreary cold color finish.
♥-A -
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It's kind of how life tends to be--a start of warm pastels and an end of cold coarse grays...
"reecho"--You're here, so that means the world is at your fingertips. Didn't you look it up? http://www.onelook.com/?w=reecho&ls=b&sourceid=Mozilla-search
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