she always walks in a trance through the falling rain
wont wash away what time had stained
she said where did it go
I said I dont know
and now shes gone cant stay
but will she find comfort there
oh the cross she bears
a dirty little secret told
thrown off the deep end
I worry how far shes gone
how far shes gone
towards the brink of madness
of madness
(spoken) I wont be gone now
the marks of time dull the shine of the diamond ring
Hide in shadows away from everything
she said where did you go
I said lookin for you
then shes gone and nobodys home
(gotta get together now)
but will she find comfort there
far off the deep end
a dirty little secret told
of her past
I wait till she appears
from over there/will she ever choose
find time let it go
fine time to be strong
my time to sing a song
find time to sing our song
(were together now)
(strong together now)
(won't fall together now)
can't find the shine of the diamond ring
always stuck in this bog of pain
she said where did you go
I said lookin for you
and she pushed me far away
time and time and it warped her mind
I try to join but I am denied
as we start to climb these lines go dead again.
cause there was hurt below all she had known
been burned by many and she lost control
yeah I hope her canvas wont get stained again
I tried to be there
her worried heart it tears
sing a song to her
find time to sing our song
Author notes
I havent written much lately but recently finished these lyrics for my band Minds Open Wide I was just going to post this but saw your contest and thought it might fit here. No punctuation as this is a song and I feel the structure made it unneeded.
A contest entry
- Loving to Hate You, Hating to Love You, Loving to Love You by tinydarkgoddess.
700 points, ends December 4, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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As a writer of my music and lyrics myself, I understand the lack of punctuation and am very pleased you entered the contest. There were a few moments you strayed away from the core of the song (ie. the canvas imagery) where it would do you much more in the long run to constrict focus to ring and cross imagery and save the canvas train of thought for another song.
However, I do feel you captured what I was looking for, and the emotion behind the words is great. The opening lines I find to be absolutely brilliant. You hooked your reader (or in the case of performing - listener). Thank you for entering the contest, I enjoyed your work.
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as a lover of music
id love to hear the melody that goes with these lyrics, i can here something in my head but im sure its my own harmony...good luck in the contest!
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ahhh...very nice...I can only imagine what this sounds like set to music. your writing has truly progressed. I get a sense of you being way more comfortable in your skin. thats a great thing! I'll be back soon. I've got a lot of catching up to do..
Peace & Light,
Kendal
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Nicely Done.
Great lyrics. Wish I could hear the song. It sings to me of pain and remorse, or healing yet to come. Good Luck in the contest!
Write On!
jIM
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I clicked on this not realizing I had read it before. It is every bit as good the second time around. Great job.
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It is what it is a song a poem an anthem to unsung pain etched into the very essence of a soul that has and always will suffer the madness unleashed by the beasts that roam this hell we call life.
"but will she find comfort there
oh the cross she bears
a dirty little secret told
thrown off the deep end"
How many dirty little secrets rest in the long repose that if told there would be no measure of love strong enough to stem the tide.
I like it, I like it so!
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This had great flow and of course it was quite lyrical, Carries you through a story that leaves your mind drifting back and forth, great work ~Tia
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some good lyrics you have there
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very musica
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Good job but without the punctuation, even though this was obviously meant for a song, it makes reading it unclear.
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great job hope your band has great luck with these lyrics, and also perhaps once you guys perform the song you cant place it on youtube for all to hear it sung.
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Great.
Loved this poem!
Keep up the good work!
-Buster
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Very good. The poem created a feeling of chaos, if fit so well with the theme. I can imagine the song being sung in my head already. Tell me, what genre is your band?
Thanx for sharing!
And keep writing. -
i love these lyrics. They are really deep and actually speak to me. Good job and I hope to read more
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I read these as lyrics before I ever got to your AN. The lack of punctuation through me in a spot or two and I had to reread. I agree with you about the punctuation not being necessary. It only threw me because I am used to seeing it.
I think these are excellent lyrics that show great empathy towards abuse victims. Very well done.
Mike
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i have been thinking about you wondering where you are, how you are doing!! I almost didn't sign on tonight I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD I DID!!! This is great Jason!! I've been thinking about the word melancholy today and it seems this is exactly the feel.....mixed with profound sadness. Good luck in the contest.... I dunno...me thinks you have a winner here!!
Love you mucho grande guy! And miss you as much too! How's Odin??
MIchelle
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Awesome dude.
Nice to see something from ya!
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other than some missing punctuation, i think this is great. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered and am so excited to have read something new from you again. viyanna rosemarie
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