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--Once a Sharp Lover,,, O I've Rotten (Edges)

Parrying a kind word,

  like magnets

  ::S=N) (N::

 I let i\  /n

          ^

      everything else.

 

 O how can we

 < re-- --connect>

  when I'm 

  s t r e w n about

   too many others?

 

 Lover {of my Soul!}

  how easily I for...get

sunrises You've shared with me:

 

                    How could I leave

::behind___ the seeds

                    I spat out ( they _shall_ bear

                                                fresh fruit.)

 

and yet

 

carry old *hiss-sssss*skin

 in my smelly pocket?

                             __________

AHH!                     |               |

  It's rotting on the |->inside!<-|

                            |               |

                            --------------

and sad ly

 I can not let go. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                          

A contest entry

All you expert readers of the genre out there, can you tell this is my first dirty pretty?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • angel of the dead
    April 7
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    that was great.. i have never seen anything like it


  • Confused17
    April 6
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    Nicely done.


  • WithinYourEyes
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the way you ended this poem. It was powerful and almost sort of left you with this raw feeling. The entire poem was that way. My favorite part was definitely the
    "I spat out ( they _shall_ bear

    fresh fruit.)"
    Good job and thanks for entering the contest.


  • Heartbreaker Eyes
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Expert readers.
    I wouldn't have known.
    It's pretty effing amazing I think, the whole box inside thing. That was cool.
    Thank you for entering. Good luck in the contest.
    {Sarah.♥}