It always made it harder,
each passing day and night,
my life is heading farther-
I am nearing my twilight.
My face is getting withered,
my bones becoming frail,
I have been happy hither.
Let me tell you of the tale...
My name is Blanche I'm only 4,
I run amongst the sandy foam,
never been to a beach before,
I'll never be alone.
My name is Blanche I'm now 16,
I sit with my one true love,
high school sweethearts at a movie screen,
my first kiss coming sure enough.
My name is Blanche I'm 21,
I chug down a couple more beers,
alcoholic tolerance - I have none,
but I listen along to my peers.
My name is Blanche I'm 42,
married now, with kids,
I know a feeling of true love,
staring at them in their beds,
Now the the present I'm 93,
I fear I'll soon be dead,
a greater sadness for my kids to see,
staring at me in my bed.
I waste away with family,
the greatest way to die,
they came here today to be,
here with me- an older I.
Author notes
A poem about a woman who has lived life - dying.
Written February 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Slipping by someoneweknew.
300 points, ended April 17, 2004, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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i think that's really cool and i agree with angelwanabee!
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I've never heard that song but I really want to listen to it now .
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wow this poem is like my favorite song 100 year by five for fighting it talks about view at different ages its great
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very nicely done my friend lol you are very talented and i hope you do well in hte contest my best of luck1!!
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I'm going to ignore the above ass comments, and just make a new one
I don't get it anyway.
As for the poem, it was fantastic.
I feel so sad reading it, but I also feel like I have been let into a secret side of someone's life, a side nobody else has ever seen.
It was such a good read, I feel like I want to go and curl up and cry...
Beautiful -
okay, if anybody else besides that person above has a problem wid me commenting for the points take it up wid the moderator. james and i were both doing it to do a contest, he knows my opinions on his work so it is therefore unneccasory to comment any further. anyway, james yeah good piece.. i found it somewhat confusing in peices.. but oh well
Edited on Mar 07, 9:17 p.m. because 'none'. -
wow
wow i love that. i like the way you move threw your whole life and to the end. i was told to comment on one of your poems but i will be commenting on more i like your style....... anyway i normaly only write poems that are sad and deppressing i like some that are not that way but not many. i am giving you an applose for the simple fact that i liked it so much. have fun reading my poems. -
What a shitty ass comment. I would hate you if I got some selfish inconsiderate comment from you... in fact I do anyways. Why would you copy and paste the WHOLE poem? YOU DON'T EVEN COMMENT ON ONE FRICKEN PART!!! it's obvious you just wanted the points and if it did happen to be an accident it's not very hard to edit a comment... I mean it's not like it's written in some foreign language... it's clearly asks, right next to your comment, "Edit?" GOD! some poeple! hey, if the concept is too hard for you to understand I'd be glad to walk you through... and I mean if you need 3 extra points I'd be glad to give you those to..... just ask, Ass...
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Whats up with xxem16mexx being an ass and posting your whole poem again? ooooo what people will do for points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(joke) I'm sorry, just borred. This poem however, spared me from complete boredom for the time I spent reading it. The story it spoke of was beautiful and flowed remarkably well! I enjoyed the rhythmic song like pattern that the 4-lined stanzas provided and I also enjoyed the well chosen rhyme schemes. If it wasn't as saddening I would say it would make for a great childrens poem, but it is gloomy so it remains to simply be a great poem. well written, I enjoyed it a lot! Also, congradulations on winning the contest, you deserve it! -
Congratulations on the trophy.
take care -
*lets out a breath* I'm...I'm going to cry. This was GREAT! So much good luck in the contest. DSorry, but it's time for judging so I'm leaving short comments on ones I like but they're all excellent poems. This just got my too cry.
~Bethany -
Whoa! This hit really hard. My mother was just diagnosed with level 3 ovarian cancer. She survived the surgery, but I don't know how she'll handle that brutal chemotherapy. I spoke with her yesterday and read her poem, "The Singer," to her and she cried like I've never heard her cry before. We're all frightened. As well, both my in-laws are struggling with cancer. You just hit home with this one. Thank you for exposing feelings I couldn't yet expose myself! Love, light and truth!--Kel
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thank you for the critique - so I tweaked the poem a little, because I found your comment to be factual .. thnx again
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I liked this one...I liked how you demonstrated the progression of time and used repetition. I also really like the stanza:
My name is Blanche I'm only 4,
I run amongst the sandy foam,
never been to a beach before,
I'll never be alone.
Good job and good luck in the contest lol -
that is really wow. i am speechless. i could see the progression of life.it was beautifully put together. the stanzas sound perfect. i thought this was really good.
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sooooooo good!!!! but sooo sad! u have a really good talent.
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I find that most people who drink at 21 or when they turn 21 that that actually isn't their first drink. Usually those, I find that when they turn 21 and if they haven't ever drunk an alcoholic beverage before, that when they turn 21, they won't. Tho, that is just my opinion.
It's a good piece, it tells a story. Well written.
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BROVO!!!!
hey
this is really good... i really like how you rhyme... i have trouble with rhyming but you did a really good job. this was kool how it went and showed difftent times in a persons life i really liked it
toto
ps thank you for the comment on "To Scared To Sleep" -
It always made it harder,
each passing day and night,
my life is heading farther-
I am nearing my twilight.
My face is getting withered,
my bones becoming frail,
I have been happy hither.
Let me tell you of the tale...
My name is Blanche I'm only 4,
I run amongst the sandy foam,
never been to a beach before,
I'll never be alone.
My name is Blanche I'm now 16,
I sit with my one true love,
high school sweethearts at a movie screen,
my first kiss coming sure enough.
My name is Blanche I'm 21,
I chug down my very first beers,
alcoholic tolerance - I have none,
but I listen along to my peers.
My name is Blanche I'm 42,
married now, with kids,
I know a feeling of true love,
staring at them in their beds,
Now the the present I'm 93,
I fear I'll soon be dead,
a greater sadness for my kids to see,
staring at me in my bed.
I waste away with family,
the greatest way to die,
they came here today to be,
here with me- an older I.
My grandma's name is blanche so it tainted my likeness for it.. but it was still good.
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
3 old applause
