tilting her head back against the cold
a tree frozen behind her, guardian of old
her voice, clothed in white
echoing softly this winter night.
is beautiful
leaves crack in the valley below
whispers travel along unbroken snow
fire burns in pleading angel song
just one thing, for so long.
and now
eyes burn as moonlight shows
more than she, her passion grows
beneath the fall of shadows two,
her gaze is locked solely on you.
tonight
Author notes
Oh noes!
jessifer1792
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Charmed Life
"No sign of hatred, fear or strife
I'd rather live a charmless life"
I love this write. I love how you used the picture shown and were able to create such true thoughts. It has great form, and I really like the ending line. Very good job... I read some of your others as well and I truly enjoy your style.
A contest entry
- Lost love by HeartBr8ker.
415 points, ended March 24, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions and Bronze Award Poems Contest! ^^ by MJ Forgives.
900 points, ended September 11, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The moolight shown upon us as if to put a spotlight on your flawlless face I adore entirely too much.. by Beautiful Sin-.
400 points, ended September 24, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1091 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - 2 prewrites a poet, you know you want to enter ^.^ by Kathraina.
800 points, ended October 16, 156 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Any good?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Wow, flawless rhyme you have here!
I love the imagery, its so vivid i could see it clearly in my mind's eye!
bravo and thank you for entering
♥ kate -
Your poem was very interesting. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for your entry.
-Jess
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No . Good luck
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I read this a couple time so I would be sure what my comment would be fair and it will be, cause I did like the flow of this and it is nice cause it can work free verse or rhyme.
The imagery was very well done and the words you used, really stood out. Its like I could really feel the cold and I love winter, and its hot here, where I am at and I actually left to a cold place when reading this. I actually like this the first time and a little more the second. It was short and strange how you put it together where the meaning came out within the three different sections. It was deserving of the reward it was given for you put thought into this. Thanks it was enjoyable and will have to read more of your work and see how many different styles of writing , you may have and this one is very good. thanks and you cant go to wrong with this style .
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this is just amazing... you were able to paint such amazing pictures with your words... i loved it. thank you so much for enteirng my contest and best of luck!
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errie!
Very chilling indeed. Though I definatly did click with it, it felt very solemn.
Thank you for entering! -
You definately show a unique style all your own here. I'd love to see more. In fact, I feel privaleged to be able to read such fantastic work.
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Wow, that was really good.
I loved these lines.
leaves crack in the valley below
whispers travel along unbroken snow
fire burns in pleading angel song
just one thing, for so long.
and now -
some of the rhyme is a lil forced, but the emotio is awe inspiring. I like it
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loved the longing in ur words and the usage of rhymes...
beauty in a few lines...
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nice flow of words
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This was a great poem and I loved the flow of rhyme in this one. Great job and keep writing.
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It has potential.
I like the mood of the second stanza alot, but the rhyme seems a bit off or forced in some bits, it doesn't really work. Maybe it seems the rhyme isn't crucial, so write it free verse? But the other two stanzas could use some work to maybe make there be emotion and imagery and description, because it's a little bit lacking there.
It could use some work.
WritingFree -
This is beautiful. You did a great job of creating a serene, cool setting while still portraying really strong emotions. Your phrasing is absolutely phenomenal.
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good
I loved how you painted vivid picture in your writing
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1st stanza, beautiful picture.
"tree frozen behind her" gives us a good image of winter
something about whispers heard in a valley is really eerie. i like it.
theres an odd feeling of longing to this.
its lovely
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let me start by saying i like the title of this piece.
I don't usual like rhyme i prefer freeverse but this is an good rhyming piece with a great flow. the imagery is quite beautiful and your diction was also beautiful. -
This has a light, ethereal quality to it and has given the contest something original and beautiful. I like the mystery of it. It has atmosphere and grace. Thanks for entering my contest!
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I like the image you set with this poem. Your word choice was on point. Good job.
-beneath the fall of shadows two,
her gaze is locked solely on you.
I love the way this rhymed and also the way it was written and the image it created. Nice job :]
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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This is a beautiful poem! The imagery and tone are wonderful. My favorite lines are:
more than she, her passion grows
beneath the fall of shadows two,
Those lines describe love perfectly! Great job! -
wow this is soo beautiful!
xo
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leaves crack in the valley below
whispers travel along unbroken snow
fire burns in pleading angel song
just one thing, for so long.
i like the whispers merging into nature's realms, and the songs that come to mind.
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very nicely done. i'm glad I clicked. kudos to you for writing such a great poem. I wouldn't change a thing about it. keep up the great work. I'll be back for more...
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I must agree, this is an excellent write. I also love the way you ended this, it's perfect. The flow and rhyme are also very well done. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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This is absolutely stunning.
I was so absorbed while reading this that I had to go back and read it again.
I like how you linked this with the prompt. I have such a vivid picture in my head that I want to paint it!
"leaves crack in the valley below
whispers travel along unbroken snow"
This left me in awe. Honestly, the picture of perfection. You mix sounds and sights and everything else in this piece. I can almost feel myself there in the cold air.
"her gaze is locked solely on you"
Is powerful in the most simple of ways~ And the way you add "tonight" on a new line is daring, but fits the poem perfectly.
The prompt:
Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ By The Way
Thank you for entering, and good luck! x
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Very good.
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this is an amazing write
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