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Come Home

Number the buds on a sun-starved bough
wound tight and waiting to breathe
wrung in a shell of perpetual dusk
sealed with a frozen key.

The splintered shaft betrayed my Lord
who wore my darkest shame
hung bare upon His laden chest
as He gasped and sighed my name.

Hour by hour, the weight of His blood
dissolves my tattered pride
and kindles the shoots of newborn trust
that scatter by His side.

“My child”, He pleads, “Come shadow my steps
where shivers melt away.
The steady strains of home grow near.
Come rest, the price is paid.”

Author notes

Option 2

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 45 of 45

  • CelfistJett
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, this poem truly made me sigh. The form of this poem is well-constructed, and the wording is well thought. You paint the picture well, with great imagery. My favorite lines: "Come shadow my steps where shivers melt away." and "Number the buds on a sun-starved bough". I also like he capitalization of he and his throughout the poem.


  • change-the-norm
    August 11

    Edit | Reply

    touching

    I have heard many a poems of God and his gift He has given to this world....but none have moved me in such a way as youres. thank you for writting this it really has spoken to my heart.

  • Jon4758
    August 11

    Edit | Reply

    Execellent!

    So tell me are you a theologian or pastor or such? Only one with such acllamed knolodge could have put together words with knowledge so divine! I can find nothine wronge, your use of metophore is execellent,simile is superberb and your point is straightfordward and to the the point. No rambling here! I wish you best in your poetic venture,and from what I see I'm sure you will go far!


  • Arriella
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    While the poem is full of a good meaning, i personally struggle to relate to it, i dislike the structure too as i feel you rhyme scheme is forced, however the imagery is very beautiful and suits the topic and mood of the poem very well.

  • stormchaser
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I am not generally one for religious themed poems but here I have no reservations. You weaved such a startling tale, one filled with breath taking imagery and ends in a stanza that has tangible love. The final stanza is by far my favorite, that is what sealed my admiration for this poem because I feel as though I am directly being spoken to. Thank you so much for sharing and for commenting on my poem!
    ~storm


  • spiritraven
    August 11

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    A very inspirational piece. Very smooth read with lots of good emotion. I love this write. Thank you so much for sharing


  • Navajo Apsara gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    I like the stanzas this is a excellent write tou have. This is awsome its like wow this is great. Congratulations on your trophys. Thank you for sharing and it was pretty good.


  • Jeremy DeForrest
    August 11

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    I'm always left in awe of where God leads me. I had no idea that I was going to be clicking on a Christian poem but I'm glad I did. I'm going through some things in my life right now where I'm definitely needing the reminder that "the price has already been paid". May we always remember what Jesus did for us on the cross. Let it not be a ritual but a labor in love. My pastor reminded me this week that Jesus is the hero of this story and I'm eternally grateful that I play some small bit role in this story. Thank you, my Lord.


    • Holynda
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your encouraging comments!! God bless you!


  • ShadowEyes
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed reading this piece. The last stanza was my favorite one!!! I congradulate you on the honorable mention and the gold trophy. Keep up your amazing work!

    Shadoweyes

  • Straevaras
    August 10

    Edit | Reply

    Beauitful

    What a talent you have, what comfort we can find in Christ and your poem carries that very comfort. Excellent!


  • Topaz135 gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    I wasn't sure if it was meant to rhyme as sometimes you did, sometimes you didn't.
    It was all a bit obscure too "Hour by hour, the weight of His blood
    dissolves my tattered pride" dissolves? I mean the subject here is pride not 'tattered' Was it pride that was going? Never found out.
    It was Ok but that's as far as I can go, sorry


  • oceanbluize
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    A deep, meaningful and inspirational poem of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Your rhyme is flawless, and verses are well thought out. I can see why you won a shiny for this one!! Great Job!

    • Holynda
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your encouraging comments! God bless you!


  • rinzurajan
    May 11
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    wow...lovely.. good rhyming and really deep meaningful verses...

    good luck


  • bridgetjanejone
    May 2
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    The first verse is really good. Then it got really archiac and biblical and I'm sorry that's not a good poem unless you're specifically after a poem about Him.


    • Holynda
      May 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for commenting. Jesus is my reason for living, and His perfect love is my greatest inspiration. God bless you!


  • Fire-Fly
    April 18

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    Very nice poem, well written, good flow and very effective.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • tears.of.silence
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    this is very well written. I liked the way you wrote this and how you made it obvious how you felt. Great work. You've received a 10 for this poem. You have a total of 34 points. Great work. Kahy


  • Aurielle
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    I notice you captialize the Him or His which made it very clear for me to read. This is a definied old poetry classical form and Yes it is elegant, the women I would say. How she always recieved stares. Thank you this is what I wanted a description of how she is or an "elegant" type of poem.


  • Jepardy
    April 15

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    Very nice work. The last stanza is so powerful, beautiful way to end this. Good work and good luck in the contest.


  • Kathraina silver member
    April 15
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    Wonderful piece!
    Lovely job here.
    Bravo!!!


    ♥ Kate


  • echo-ink
    April 14
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    Wonderful,


  • Gabreon
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    This piece stabbed to the heart, that last stanza driving it in hard. It is so peaceful and loving, though. Even though it's strong and powerful, it is amazingly reassuring too. Lovely!

    • Holynda
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for your kind comment! God bless you!


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    Just beautiful. The final stanza is so...poignant and precious.


  • Umi Juvariel
    April 9

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    Great alliteration in this piece. I enjoyed letting my tongue slip along the lines. The flow was amazing, and I thank you for sharing this piece. Excellent write and good luck in this contest.


  • Tqop
    April 5
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job. Thanks for sharing your faith and thoughts.


  • Simp
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my first ever contest. This is an interesting read.


  • AngelBellerose gold member
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    Love the inner rhyme and the way you expressed God's love for us giving his son to carry our sins beautifully written thank you for entering Angel

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