Yes, I see the breasts
pressed stiffly by a tightened bra,
like floating raw bait
or bloated balloons
that indicate
the party between your legs.
(Does the hair down there
change color every week
like the abused straw hanging
from your confused head?)
Yes, I hear your review
of a girl (just like you),
as you blow air between
your smoke-yellowed teeth,
then touch their backs with
your septic tongue
to spew the word,
"Slllut."
(and what then?
you take the arm of your man
who has slept with more girls
than the number of inches
around your suffering bust.)
Yes, you told me about
the stout man at the store,
the poor man at the park,
the dark man at the show,
and the slow man at the mall,
who all tried desperately
to pick you up
(and not because
of the way you looked at them,
or the way you walk,
or the way you pout your lips
when you talk).
No, I don't want to come
to another party
at your mother's house
and watch you douse your dignity
in cheap beer and liquor,
and hear you spout and bicker
about how just how smashed you are,
(and it's not because
you're a trashy, neurotic,
wannabe-superstar).
Author notes
Should I change the title to "Superstar?"
Written February 29th, 2004
A contest entry
- ice ice baby.. by punk.
835 points, ended March 13, 2004, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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check +
a few descriptions that captivate me most:
"your septic tongue"
"your suffering bust"
"like the abused straw hanging
from your confused head?"
i imagine your disquieted, smoldering eyes taking in the scene...
(and i do think the title could be changed. i like "superstar" more than "Not Because" -- which is not very telling)
oh, & this'n would be good as a slam poem (don't know how ya feel 'bout slam poetry, tho'!)
peeeeas,
giggling nihilist
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I'm not judging to help anyone. Judging is usually an involuntary act--it happens naturally; we all do it from time to time, whether we want to or not. I didn't think to myself, "I'm going to judge someone today and then write a poem about her." The recent actions of someone I care about have been irritating me and I am letting this out so that I don't blow up in her face.
But this poem wasn't written to help anyone but myself.. I am using the liberty to express what I think and how I feel. I'm using poetry to release emotion, that's all.
You're also wrong about WHY I judged her. It has little to do with her sexuality. I mention her flashiness and sexually inviting behavior and then bring up the way she condemns someone else, calling them a "slut" to prove her hypocrisy.
One's sexuality is their own business, and personally I am all for "pleasure-seeking" with the proper precautions and protection. Plus, I only imply that she has no dignity when she's drinking, and you could say that about most people after they've had one too many.
Got any more cynicism for me?
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Well, it was interesting. Frankly, and as a feminist, I'm not sure that judging people really helps. The narrator here I think feels sorry but also blames the girl being described. Well, maybe we just shouldn't assume that she has no dignity. I odn't know: it's easy to feel that people who are casual about their sexuality must not value it and themselves, but how much of that is true, and how much is middle class ideology?
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Sadly this poem describes most young girls in the world today. It seems that, like me, you have an enormous amount of self respect. Something that is sorely lacking in young women these days. It is an awesome write. It is universal, and something every young woman should read. Again, great write!
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What a surprise that poem was to me! I have never read any of your stuff before - I have no idea why - I've really been missing out, The description in this is absolutely spot on (as we English say) and I have to admit that I'm not really sure what to say other than that!
This is fab!
Lotsa love
xxx Louise xxx -
owch
I'd hate to be on your bad side! Nice, using narrative to establish the sleeziness of the subject without outright insulting her, let her faults speak for themselves. heh.
-Mooseman. -
SHUT DOWN! dang this was good....man this is awsome! that would be awsome to hear someone say at my school, I would pay big bucks! Though we all had a laugh at hte "I am glad gabby helped you with your science experiment derek" which happened to be about dog treats...that gave us a laugh. Well this was great poem that just eats you up until the end...weher it spits you out.hahhahahahhahaha evil
~Kori -
This is wicked cool.
Savage and unrelenting, definately. This is a very smart and cunning poem. I feel you did a womnderful job makng this seem mellow, and it is. It's mellow to the point where it claws you away.
Very awesome, I applaud you. Best of luck.
~Tom
~PS: I give you some major originality props -
I love the cold, bitchy, dandyish savagery of it. The bark is a bite.
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ooh, this is my fave our of all the contestants. The tone of voice in this is unmistakeable...and it is cold as ice. Good job, and best of luck.
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viscous and pronounced, cool and neatly packaged within a smartly worded write.
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This sounded sore, swollen and true. You used sarcasm wonderfully, which I always appreciate. This fit together perfectly, in a disfunctionally smooth way. Awesome, and I loved the ending.
"your smoke-yellowed teeth,
then touch their backs with
your septic tongue
to spew the word,
'Slllut' "
Slurred and worded beautifully.
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