Dreams
of thoughts unspoken
cannot teach you truth, if you can not hear
You ask me if you went wrong
and I turn away
the questions your asking are wrong
wrong for me to answer
With truth! With truth!
you scream at me
but with tears blurring the
words on my heart
I can't answer you
I'm hiding in the wardrobe
from the answer
it's a fear
and I fight to keep breathing slowly
the dark is a comfort
to a beating heart
I can't answer you
Almost a sickness
spreading through my body
taking my thoughts from me
spreading them over waves of dreams
hunching down small
calling out to me
I hear you
but I can't answer you
The only answer I can whisper
under my breath, to myself
is it can't be you....
can't be possibly
this one who turns me upside down
I feel hot and cold at once
my hands, my arm's, my breath is shaking
I can't answer you
Why ask me these questions
why haunt me into hiding
your pushing me to confess
the words that will send you away
away forever and again
still you badger me
The truth! The truth!
you scream at me
And I won't answer you
I'll hide in this dark
roses wilting in my hands
dust settling slowly, thickly
on lips and eyelid's
as my breath begins to fade
with eye's closed tight
I won't let you go away
And I won't answer you
The answers are stuff of dreams
truth's so deep, that to answer
any man would run...
so to keep you here with me
I won't answer you
Because the truth, oh the truth
is how deeply I love you....
Author notes
i really like this one. the image of a girl hiding in the closet for so long that dust settles on her, because she's to afraid to tell the man she loves in case he run's away. i think its not so much physical as figurative all of us at some point are to afraid to share such truth's in fear of rejection. i really enjoyed righting this i hope you catch the emotion in this piece...enjoy and please comment.. this is my new favorite!
chilli-skittle
A contest entry
- I Feed Off Poetry. by RealitysAStory.
500 points, ended March 29, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love" by katie-jo.
550 points, ended April 16, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best ! by icesc8ergirl.
450 points, ended April 14, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Prewrites on Ap by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 25, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There'll be rain on our wedding day, rotting roses in my bouquet. by forbidden-colour.
500 points, ended April 26, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You never know.... by Cyanide Dreams.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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74
Title: 8/10
Originality: 6/10
Emotion: 8/10
Grammar/Spelling: 7/10
Flow/Structure: 7/10
Imagery: 7/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 7/10
Reaction: 7/10
Rules: 10/10
Overall: 7/10
Totaling: 74/100
Oh, I read the first line and thought, wow, great metaphor right off the bat. And then, it kinda just went away, like you lost what you were trying to write about. I think this flowed pretty well, but with the use of more metaphor this would rock anyones socks off. show us, don't tell us. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Again, a nice write from you, not the particular style nor content I was asking for but good nevertheless.
Thank you for taking time to enter.
Kind regards
Sophie
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hiding in the closet huh but what happens when she comes out of the closet?? LOl JP. I really liked this poem it was so sad.
The Positives:
Great imagery and some deep emotions
The Negatives:
Nothing that I see great job
My Favorite Part:
I'll hide in this dark
roses wilting in my hands
dust settling slowly, thickly
on lips and eyelid's
as my breath begins to fade
with eye's closed tight
I won't let you go away
And I won't answer you
That there was brillant i loved it
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Great job ! goodluck.
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holy cow!
the whole time I totally thought that her answer was going to be that she didn't want him around anymore but she did in a way and therefore couldn't tell him, and I feel silly for not figuring out that it would be the dead opposite of it. This is amazing and I really love this. This is definitely a finalist. I looooooooved reading this.
Thanks for the amazing entry and all the best in the contest!
Blessings,
Katie -
great job. good luck.
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I also find it amazing to read, the story told here was awesome. I truly loved it - keep up the excellent work!
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