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sanctuary

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A wretched day it was, a room full of bloodsuckers
searching for a pound of flesh to whet their appetite.
Frenzied, grinning, mouths watering, dripping bile,
leaving a noxious trail along with their minions.

They ripped and shredded her dignity,
slinging it to either side in abandon, until
there stood a broken and quivering waif.

As she ran from the room, the minions followed,
but the bloodsuckers stayed behind, 
drinking her blood they had spilled.

None noticed that she had gotten away with her soul,
they had forgotten to strip it away.

She ran to the edge of the abyss and stared into the deep
blue haze that shrouded the tall stalks and reeds
growing wild beyond the invisible boundaries.
The minions circled the waif, 'Don't go there,' they hissed,
as she stepped into the blue vapor of the abyss.

She took one last look behind -
They did not follow.

No bloodsuckers allowed,
no minions can enter the sanctuary,
no filthy clawed monsters can mangle
or maim in the shade of the blue abyss.

She embraces the abyss and the tall, cool reeds
and her soul rejoices with pristine freedom.

She will begin again.

Author notes

photo and background compliments of mystysaint..
Written February 29th, 2004

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1 - 48 of 48

  • Kari gold member
    March 28, 2008

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    Wow Becky. I am blown away from this piece.
    It's totally beautiful and amazing. I'm not even sure how to comment.
    I think all of us can relate to this poem here....it's incredible.

  • Epoch
    August 12, 2004
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    SANCTUARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Miss Belligerence
    July 31, 2004
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    I'm adding you to my favorites. This is wonderful. I can see why it has gotten so many appluases. Your imagery is absolutley awesome. beautifully well done.


  • Ember Rose
    July 30, 2004
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    Very graphic descriptions in a well-thought out and written story piece. Loved the message behind it. Definitely makes one think and the ending so befits my own id that it made me smile and feel even more empathic to the piece. Did I read your work some time ago when I was 'rosewishes'? Your id seems familiar to me for some reason. Anyhow, happy I came here to visit and will return to read more. Rose


  • Touchof1der silver member
    July 14, 2004
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    This is quite a spellbounding piece. It held me captivated all the way through. I read a few of the comments and I guess this was something new for you. Not being too familiar with your work, all I can say is that for me, this was very enchanting and alluring. I guess you could look at this in a couple of different ways depending on personal situations. I read a piece written by Gemini earlier, paying tribute to you and I was very impressed. InvisibleMan has always had wonderful comments to make about you as well so I have decided to come read some of your work. I actually have read some in the past, but I'm not sure if I commented. Shame on me! This is beautiful and I am glad I came here to read you. Thank you for the pleasure!


  • ferg silver member
    July 12, 2004
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    keeper

    Deep and powerful stuff here Becky. This reads to me like it could be spun into a fable, with all the right ingredients of good vs evil. I agree with Artis this is a bit of a new angle for you and I loved it.

    Henri


  • J Rhys Davies
    July 1, 2004
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    I usually do not like to read poems with a fantasy theme to them ,but yours was one that I actually found myself enjoying. It was interesting how you started it as if it were already within an ongoing story (or is it an ongoing story?). No matter, it was really enjoyable and I look forward to more in the future.


  • jesusfreak1
    June 29, 2004
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    WOW, you sure have a great gift of writing. I enjoyed your poems very much keep up the good work!
    -Cammy

  • tyleryoung
    May 21, 2004
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    amazing

    Disturbingly realistic, it touched something deep inside me.


  • artis
    May 14, 2004
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    i have missed reading you, although this one is the one i have not read, I hope you are well, and that the abyss is reserved for the nincompoops who are runnning this country into a hopless dilemma......great poem, said with a shudder of course...hope to see more soon...Artis


  • rufina caraid gold member
    May 13, 2004
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    Becky this is such a change for you and it's the epitome in descriptive writing. It could be mean so many things to whomever is reading, a nightmare finally ending, but to me the ending seemed to be a calming period prior to re-birth to a calmer period of life.
    Beautifully written
    ~Von~


  • Meridian
    May 11, 2004
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    Awesome!

    You've created some truely amazing imagery with this poem, it's as deep as the abyss you speak of. This is an incredibly deep (pardon the pun) piece of writing, it flows wonderfully and is one hell of a read.

    The structure is solid and the dark, somber tone is powerful and quite poignant. The language you use to convey this piece is quite profound, it really drives home the whole impact of the poem.

    A brilliant piece of writing, I applaud you. X X

    marquisB


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    May 5, 2004
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    I can try and glean from this the hope of tomorrow, the simplicity of those who emerge with a message to pass on. Evil? For those who claim the Lord of all, who can come against it?

    Very intense! The dramatics involve the background (hey MystySaint ;0) and the words which bring them in. "She will begin again" reads like a person who is efforted by the Lord!!! Thank you. Great dramatic read!


  • Thomas Vaughan
    May 5, 2004
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    exquistly protrayed, starting in a form of despair ending with hope of another tomorrow. great write, my dear poetic friend..

    peace be with & blessed be;
    Thomas Vaughan


  • Xx Alice xX
    May 4, 2004
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    Dark yes, but you didn't leave her in the dark, so this is hope. We all need to find our hope in the darkness. It shines so bright, that we close our eyes, and lose our way. But soon the evil will chase us to our light. Thank you for showing me your sanctuary, what a lovely place. great write.


  • InvisibleMan silver member
    April 19, 2004
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    Very unlike what you usually write, my friend. Spooky background and pic, both. I suppose we all have our dark sides....mine just seems unable to manifest itself in my poetry. I suppose mine turns inward to self-anger and feelings of ineptitude. I certainly wish I could write it out....especially after today...one of my worst ever. A little release through poetry would be wonderful.

    Not surprising thuogh is your choice of topics...sanctuary. Considering your vocation I am sure it is a professional focus for you that follows you wherever you go. (of course, you are probably going to misunderstand what I meant by that...it seems as if I don't speak English any longer....if I had some duct tape and crayons I think I could make vast improvement in my abilities to communicate about now.

    ahhh...enough blathering from me.....time for a walk..perhaps I'll be lucky and get run over by a bus.


  • stardazer15
    April 19, 2004
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    So powerful to love!

    I enjoy many poems like this and I'd say it was very descriptive and I personally, could see it in my mind when reading it. It was very very good and I will read some more of your poems!


  • repomen79 silver member
    April 14, 2004
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    whoa thats powerful Beck. just awesome.

  • Just4u
    April 13, 2004
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    Nothing hold power over us unless we allow it too, whether that be a person, thing or invisible powers themself, for only in believe in something do we give it the opening it needs to slip inside and work it's destruction from with. Denial is in a way a crack in the defenses too, for by putting blame on what is outside ourself, we give up the power what controls in the end. Past and future are like dreams, mere visions of what has gone and may be, traps enduced to take attention away from the now. The only place where change can ever occur in the end.

    Nice write...enjoyed...
    Eddy

  • ferg silver member
    April 11, 2004
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    deep

    A harsh look at the abuse of power and the infinite capacity mankind holds for cruelty. I do so appreciate that you resolve this on a note of redemtion and empowerment. We must remember that just as we have the ability to wreack havoc in innocent lives we also have an infinite capacity to exprtess love and promote others growth as well as our own. We must ALL lead by example and give permission to those less skilled in their human experience to do the same.

    Good to read you again.

    Henri


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    April 10, 2004
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    Wonderfully done, such imagery! I totally love this, it's so different from your normal style of writing and you've mastered it truly as well. Great job Hugs and blessings, Gypsy


  • Easy Target
    April 9, 2004
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    I seriously admire your poetry skills, you should write more!, i'm never gonna give up, i love POETRY!, anyway take care.

    LuV CoRy


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    April 8, 2004
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    Bittersweet.. Torment never crosses the abyss, for it is there that all things become distanced. When we leave them behind we do begin again...and so will you....
    Well penned and uniquely said.. as you do so well..I only wish it had not taken such incident to inspire the words of your voice.



    your friend

    ~~whims


  • evergreens
    April 5, 2004
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    Good

    You have nicely portrayed the prevailing state of affairs! Women are exploited and being treated as commodities in most parts of this '21st century world'. Shame! Your poem highlights this effectively.


  • April 4, 2004
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    you know what this made me think of? that film ghost! you know where the dark shadows come and carry off the soul. enjoyed this poem,


  • Haz567
    March 27, 2004
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    this is such a deep and metaphorical poem. this deserves so much praise! i am astonished at the amount of passion and energy your words have, and the depth you can draw out of it. to me this seems to be about a woman kept slave by a group of men and raped, and the way you use the fantasy style descriptions of the characters and setting is a brilliant way of getting further insight on the type of people they are, sick bloodthirsty animals. i think thats what this is about anyway, its my interpretation thanx for writing such a good poem you surely deserve a lot of praise i look forward to checking out more of your writing.

  • artis
    March 20, 2004
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    what a tragic and unique story, I read every word twice, and i agree it is nice to see the leavings of a pen in your hand again...Artis


  • Cecillia Dead
    March 19, 2004
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    Lovely.


  • harrietsweetharriet
    March 19, 2004
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    Fab

    Hello there
    This is so full of feeling, emotion, despair... and wrenched at me like needy hands. I loved it, beautiful piece indeed.
    Regards and smiles,
    HSH x

  • soy-desaparecido
    March 17, 2004
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    Well done my dear friend..I hope this write, which is truly great, and wrenched from a soul feeling shreded to pieces, buy taloned souless minions..has helped to put your heart at ease.
    Peace, light and Rainbow showers, auspex


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    March 14, 2004
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    What imagery in this one
    I loved how you did the metaphors in this one hun
    The background and pic added just the right touch to the poem also
    Keep on penning
    Love and hugs
    Susan~~~

  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    March 12, 2004
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    I'm so GLAD you got to post something! I'm tickled...yes.

    Pleas share what you want the reader to glean from this. You have it under "Hope", but I read a dread of some kind. I see the pristine freedom as the assurance of standing in Christ? Love that word. Under my other name in here, I use that term! lol

    Very good....wonderful free verse and a step different. ..Good for you!!! Love, CookieZeal/Di

    P.S. Yehhhhhhhh MystySaint......wowee. Lovely visual behind this poem. You're so very talented!
    Edited on Mar 13 because ''.


  • dittysri silver member
    March 12, 2004
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    Not good but GREAT darlin'. Really deep and so well writen although so different in style that I am enthralled by it. Surreslistic like the background that mystysaint provided. Think you outdid yourself here darlin' and I love it. Loveya, jean


  • Ladybug
    March 6, 2004
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    whole again she begins....


    Tamara


  • Deke
    March 4, 2004
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    Hello again Becky, I have told you before that the ones based on true life make for the best writes and reads, and now that I know more of what this one is all about I know that I am right. I knes that this is a good write, but I didn't know that it is based on a true event until you told me what it is based on. It really is a wonderful story/poem the kind that you are so good at.
    Damon D. Brewer
    Edited on Mar 04, 3:58 p.m. because ''.


  • hugh wyles silver member
    March 2, 2004
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    Excellent

    Dear Becky,
    This is really into the realms of mysticism and gothic. Raw and gaping imagery relieved by self-immolation. Graphic description combined with clear utterance and adroit manipulation makes this a masterly poem from an author with a vivid imagination. Not everyone's cup of tea though! Applause!
    Love and Hugs, XXX Hugh.


  • Malobole
    March 1, 2004
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    No single word explicatives. Rarely does someone have the ability (forget the notion) to impart upon myself the experience of humiliation or degradating fear beyond the flesh, the absolute God-like beauty of the freedom to flee and the heavenly bliss of "The Sanctuary" in so few breathes ! All that I can do is quote an old Haitian friend....Holy Cow !
    Blessed Be, my dear and Thank You. ~M~


  • angel of your love
    March 1, 2004
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    Becky,
    This is a great come back...I can glad to see you writing again..
    I really liked this...
    I love the creativity.
    Great Job,
    Tammy


  • AutoPilate
    March 1, 2004
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    Masterful

    Vividly descriptive, and very skillful the way you waited until the very end to let hope peek through, a breath of relief for the reader as one finishes the piece. Impressive work.

    Thanks!

    - Giovanni

  • Deke
    March 1, 2004
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    Hi Becky, you did a wonderful job writing this one as you do all yours. You my friend are a terrific writer. Someday I maybe will be as good as you are.
    Damon D. Brewer


  • cherche -d -ame
    March 1, 2004
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    What metaphors ! I have to go with everyone else and second what a great write this is . Being that you left no authors comment , I read this and it could be applied to so many situations ( for a moment I was thinking about some meetings at work ) but I know that is not what it is about . That was just my own experience muddling its way in . This can be interpreted many ways , but mostly to life in general , where all and everything at times seems to want to suck the life and spirit right out of us , until we see our way clear and have the courage to seek freedom for ourselves . In no way do I mean to apply from our responsibilities , but from a lot of the other B.S that seems to be like chains that bind us and suck away at our core ,
    Bravo Becky

    Reenie


  • jaguar
    March 1, 2004
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    Verry good write, i enloyed this one verry much. I could see her and the bloodsuckers and the minions in my mind. This is an excelend write! I love it! Keep it up! TTYL!

    - Jaguar ;~)

  • FriendlyPanther
    February 29, 2004
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    Amazing!

    Wow, this was amazing! Very descriptive poem The imagery was awesome! I loved the flow and word usage Very nicely done! Thanks for sharing

    James

  • artis
    February 29, 2004
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    what a tragicand telling story about escaping form the sludge that life burdens us with into the cool blue of forgetfulness and healing to reemerge as a whole person again ready to bat away the minions of ner do goooders.....I loved it.....Artis


  • pangur ban
    February 29, 2004
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    This is a very descriptive write Becky, filled with wonderful imagery and an inspirational lesson for all of us. I like the graphic language of the first stanza - makes one appreciate the sanctuary. Very nicely written - I enjoyed reading. Thanks and take good care. Helen


  • Hoosierpoet silver member
    February 29, 2004
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    A raw, rapacious, brutal, and graphic poem, but handled with wonderful delicacy - if that makes any sense! But you did a brilliant job in describing it all - from the brutal callousness to the escape - the wonderfully refreshing escape!
    I think of you as the most talented poet on this site.

    Best wishes,
    Moses


  • AnnD Moderators member
    February 29, 2004
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    A very expressive write....yes..the pain... the defilement.. and at last the freedom....
    freedom to start anew...
    A wonderfully penned piece..

    Ann


  • February 29, 2004
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    Definitely different from your norm, but I like it..very expressive. I feel pain in the words..but also a chance at rebirth ..lots going on if the reader takes the time to really look between the lines

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