too old.

when you can't zoom down slides on greasy, crummy trays
in the fast food play places

when you can't watch cartoons without getting funny looks
from your own mother

when you can't finger paint
or make a mess
or laugh so long
and loud
and obnoxiously
that your ribs hurt

you begin to realize all the things
you could have done back then

but wanted to be a grownup
and chose not to do
any of it.

everyday, i miss a childhood that never existed
the weight of it sitting on my shoulders
my back
hunching me over
today, i am seventy
eighty
ninety

i am a thousand years old.
constantly going
going
going

around in my circles
pitying myself.

but something happens
everytime i get stuck
in that endless loop.

something to remind me that
i am still innocent
still naive
still wanting to be a grownup
but not as seriously
as when i was seven
or eight
or nine.

i'll smile.
and i'll remember.
i'll see it in the faces of those around me.

the joy,
the awe,
the inspiration i can bring.

i am just as good as any newborn baby.
a miracle.
something amazing
blooming with potential
exploding with inexperience

waiting for the chance to
grow
blossom
discover
change
morph

be.