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Enthalpy of Confusion

There comes a time in every man's life
When the jigsaw faultlessly aligns.
The pieces are apt to fit into place,
The embodied picture, quite divine.

Yet, my puzzle continually aspires to flummox me...

Could there ever be a more swirling mass
Of undefined emotions and fears?
The tempest of brutal conscience I have,
Assaults me, year after year.

The whirlwind itself even seems discombobulated...

 

Every emotive has its appropriated hue;

Every passion, a demarcated shade.

Red, of course, for the amorous loss,

Orange of boldened bliss forbade.

 

A completed spectrum winds through my mind regularly...

 

While yellow serenity is seldom to come,

Green jealousy always finds its way in.

Deep blue lust is a patron of the storm

To which violent violet is only too akin.

 

The chaos of my equinoctial senses ravages on...

 

When will the clouds finally disperse?

Will the blur of my befuddlement ever clear?

As I fight back the hurricane of confusion,

I'm afraid I may simply disappear.

Author notes

Form: A, B, C, B, D

A contest entry

Because this poem is about confusion, I tried to break its flow after every stanza. Did it work?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Kathraina silver member
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done, very interesting piece.
    Bravo!!!



    ♥ Kate

  • Brian A
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for doing that for me. I didn't want to DQ this because I really like it. You have some pretty great word choice. I like the fact you were able to fit in discombobulated, not normally a 'poetic' word. One thing I wasn't sure of though, in what way are your senses related to the equinox? Or were you thinking of the storm? If it's the latter, I think it may be a grammatical issue. Nothing major. The use of color intrigued me as well especially because you end with color (and you) being gone. Great Job and good luck.

    • Thank you so much for your support. It's rare that I get a review that I can read and understand. (Bad grammar and spelling run rampant on AP...)
      You know, when I was writing this, I'm pretty sure I had the word 'emotions' in mind, rather than 'senses'. It was supposed to mean something along the lines of 'my emotions are equinoctial because, like the equinox, they are regularly violent for a length of time before returning to normal'. However, I must have decided mid-line that I didn't want to use 'emotions', either because it's too cliched, or because I personally have used it too much in my poetry. Something along those lines.

  • Very nicely done
    A fine sharing in this contest
    Thank you for being a part!
    I wish you the very best!

  • Brian A
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    Please put the form in the authors notes. I don't mean to be rude but I only gave three rules and two of them don't require any additional work...

  • I like your vocabulary to start off with and found this not a difficuilt piece to read. It is a great write, and I got this thought: This poem is really too great to captivate it's spirit in strict form... Just think about what will happen here if you were to consider doing this in a freewrite? I have never liked free verse, until I took a poem of mine and kind or redid it.. and now I never want to go back again... Read it if you like, Currents being my ocean, and This is a rewrite: Currents being my ocean. As for the subject matter here... it is a little dark and hopeless, and I read such sadness inbetween the lines. Great stucture, good meter and a really good flow... great line after line after line.. Well done, but not sure I got the inspiration here that I was hoping for for this contest... Thanks so much for this great entry, suited or not, it was a pleasure to read. Lilian


  • Aajdj
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    ow my head hurts to many big words

    • haha, I'm sorry. This was actually used for a vocabulary/poetry assignment. It was necessary. :/

  • Yes! It worked.

    I loved the metaphors and the images. So very well done. You have chosen some excellent vocabulary and pieced this together to create quite a visual!
    Loved the colors and representations.
    Lovely job!

    Bravo!
    Justified Inc.


  • Umi Juvariel
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    Ah! You used my two favorite words! 'Flummox' and 'discombobulated'! That makes me happy. And, as a bonus, you used them in a most pleasant way! That makes me even happier. This piece was wonderfully written. Excellent job and good luck in my contest!

  • I agree. beautifully finalized, with incredible power. great write!


  • MusiCrazy
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    really good diction and imagery, i loved it!

1 - 13 of 13